anyone wish their wife was dead ?

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for a long time i''ve known nothing else, after all she provided a roof over my head. i am trying to steer her away from turning or remaining turned into her prev generations. i have zero friends or social circle, she has a little. Niether of us has anywhere to go. no kids is probably at the back of all this for her, also fr instance this UK bank Holiday is causing me great problems till an hour ago, she's at work. I always travel out or do things but today have motivation for nothing, so i take hay fever pills to blank out, very seldom do this now, but today is not good. or at least till an hour ago.

I never had kids because of what i suffered at school and do not want them to be like me; even tho talented it can be a curse, the bloodline stops with me.

no, i can never see divorce, just one of us dies first. and its not as bad as the respondees state, my life prev WAS s**t pre 1977 ... el-dumbo parents, village location, school etc ..

we have a pet dog, he's a commen connection, tho she never joins us in walks or anything ... once i get on balance again i will feel better, problem is I 'cycle' fast and can get into as well as out of a pit of despond in hours. i wish I knew what the trigger was, my pains are bad these last few days, I'm sure heres a cionnection, my aged aunt is hanging on and the worry and travelling don't help, what is worse is coping / handling s**t social workers / support that beggar belief ..... gossip and accusations flying, i cannot believe it ! ! ... I/ we make them look v unprofessional. .. but maybe thats not v hard to do. Little things like that bug me .....

... thirty five years, not twenty.

I remember we cld argue then too, my frustrration of walking to her slow pace. when i met her ppl ie parents, uncle and gran etc i had never met such limited backward and poor people. like stepping back in time.

Tonight in the car, we or I do animal charity work out of our own pocket.... again I feel v uncomfirtable, she flicked my ear and called me cnt ... arguing over absolutely 'nothing'.

No, it will chunter on till one of us dies.

In the garden later all i cld think was "I wish she was dead".

I've had a terrible day too, I hate Sundays, hate UK Bank Holidays, I never know what to do, mostly I go to work, but i cannot focus, cannot settle, cannot decide. My dog won't walk very far which compounds this, also the summer heat is no good for dogs ie ticks etc. V occasional Piriton use creates anger afterwards with me and my dissatisfation is hard to hide.

ad-infinitum.

I wonder if she realizes how you feel about her. It certainly wouldn't motivate her to be any nicer to you if she does.

She has a fair idea.

Like many ppl with a spouse or relation that is at times 'difficult' (temporarily showing signs of being mentally ill or de-ranged) they refuse to register what they see or hear. Experience, received outlook is that these things are merely temporary blips and overlooked. After fifteen years its only now I can even say the term asperger in her company and she has never once verbally replied to anything I've said re the syndrome. I realised my AS fifteen years ago from an article in the UK Guardian newspaper ... 'thats me' !

We go back too far, i am too 'fckd up' to cope with any other life...... it seems. Simple things confuse me, yet my interests and abilities are far ranging, developed and not 'nerdy' ..merely developed.

I've been married for twentyeight years wit a bisexual psykopatik childpsykologe.
The last years of ours marriage, ours yongest daughter lived at home, she frekvently argued that wee aught to divorce. After she left home I decided to get rid of the psychopath. Now adays I live a much better life.

My advice is that you fist google and read about psykopates, then you have to decide what to do with the rest of your life.