The single, over 40 thread

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I can't think of any fave heaven songs offhand, but I can think of a fave heaven movie, "the adding machine."

I don't have a social life either. I have a few close friends who live far away.
The only person I talk to regularly is my daughter. And I don't even talk to her everyday.
I'm pretty much used to being alone... I wish I could have a pet but where I live does not allow it.

Pets have been a godsend for me.

Never been an animal person.

at 55 my social life is a couple of online chat sites and what little i get at work,, and interacting with my son who is 26 and on the spectrum as well. figure that part of life is over, might go back to school., doenst look like anything else will ever happen.. so gotta make the best of it.

^
restlessspirit - What will you go to school to learn?
Though I sometimes think I want friends, I am not cut out for socializing more than 15 to 20 minutes at a time. Whenever I am around people more intensely the people end up disliking me. I suppose it is for good reasons, the main one being I can't handle emotion. Either I have none, or I have such an overwhelming wave it tends to alienate people either way.

I totally identify. Except I like sandbox, strategy & sim games.

I spend much of my time working on my special interest project on Google Earth & listening to talk show podcasts.

Never been married or had any kind of long term romantic relationship.

My social life is actually quite busy:

My Investment Club meets once per month at a restaurant.
My best friend's family has me over for dinner at least twice a month
I enjoy live music so I go to shows once a month (usually with earplugs and dark glasses)
My brothers' and their families (even my adult nieces and nephew) invite me out for meals and other activities.
There are two other families that have "adopted" me as one of their own.
I go for lunch with my Sergeant once a week at a Pub, we have both been retired for over 20 years.

Work:

I work part time at a storage facility were I can interact with customers giving me opportunity to practice socializing with my "personas" or "masks".
I was hired as an illustrator and video post editor and they give me two assistants who are aware of my "situation" who keep me organized and on track, they also deflect direct contact with clients to avoid being overwhelmed by projects.

Personal:

I always wanted to learn guitar so I have been enrolled in a music school but only have a private tutor, a group setting is overwhelming.
I have set myself up in a large condo/studio where my employer lets me work (no office time) with enough space for my special interests (electronics mainly).
I have a very close female friend who also has some social issues and we can give the appearance of a "couple" that seems to be important in the NT world.
I have to live alone because as I get older my recovery time dealing with the day to day life is taking longer.

Issues:

I do all my shopping late at night were the staff knows me and seems to accept my weirdness.
My home is dimly lit with the drapes closed for the most part. I don't like people visiting me in my home, it always seems that they are checking up on me and my lifestyle.
I never take vacations because travelling interrupts my routines and is too stressful. Actually since the law makes me take vacations I usually just book extra shifts at my part time job so I have something to do.
Crowds without purpose such as in malls, on transit, on the street, etc are frightening, I seem ok in music venues as long as I arrive early and leave after a majority of the crowd has left.
Government offices for things like Passports and Driver's License renewals are painful to me, I now arrive right at opening when no one else is there.
Public events outdoors are a no go zone for me.

After reading the responses from others I appear to be in the minority being reasonably active and happy. I explore my interests such as music and scuba diving with like minded people and it instantly allows one to babble on about it since everyone in the group is doing the same thing. Also growing up in the 1970s where there closest thing to a diagnosis (I was diagnosed after a very public and violent meltdown in my mid 30s) was the letter from school stating "your son is experiencing emotional difficulties during activities" I was pretty much thrown into a "sink or swim scenario". I am a great actor so I can reasonably fit in with just the awkward poses, funny gait, apparently dressing horribly out of fashion (comfort is what matters) and formal speech being noticeable.

I have learned about who I am and am finally somewhat comfortable with it, ten years ago you would have gotten a completely different response from me.

I am new to this site and posting here so if long detailed posts are not proper etiquette please tell me. This is just how I answer questions.

Another wood hermit here.
I go to see my psychologist once a month,sometimes I see my social worker there and every couple of months the psychiatrist.I usually do this all on the same day,they are really good about setting up my appointments that way.Then I do town errands,than back home.
I have one friend that I see maybe once a month,my son visits and that's it for my social life.
The wild animals are fun to have around and I have pets, a garden,lots of books,and WP.
The most I go to town is maybe three or four times a month.I do save on gasoline and wear and tear on the car.As I get older I seem to be drifting more into solitude.If I was rich I'd have all my food delivered and pay someone to run errands for me.

I totally can dig this.

I have severe hermit tendancies as well. I don't go out much and I spend most of my time on my own which I actually like. I am aware of the fact that it is not a healthy way to live in the end though. The more I try to avoid the company of others. the harder it becomes to interact with people in a somewhat normal way. Sometimes I think my social skills are going downhill compared to earlier stages in my life. I dont'suffer from social anxiety but experience has thought me that I just feel too self conscious in social situations and they depress me as well because I tend to think I do everything wrong and that people are not going to like me anyway, which is actually quite true a lof of the times. I think I just gave up. The problem is that I feel more at peace with the world and myself as a hermit which means that the vicious circle will probably continue. Besides that I really need lots of peace and quiet in my life. It is much easier for me to live without the hassle of social contacts that I perceive as meaningless anyway. I have never understood why people find it necessary to talk about things like the weather, their holidays, weekend and that kind of stuff. It all seems like a weird roleplay to me and I am not going to do it!

the thing which saved me was learning that people are not paragons of virtue who have any right to judge me.

You may have a point there auntblabby.

WOW! I'm impressed. For somebody on the spectrum, you really have your life together. You're just the kind of person we need on this thread. So many of us sound so depressed. A little positive influence might be just what we need.

Actually, I consider people at these ^^^times VERY productive. For most people, the only time they DO exhibit any kind of purpose in life is when they're driving or shopping or running errands. They have a goal to meet (a location, a meal, a bill to pay), and are in the process of doing it. The groups I feel are without purpose are people in bars, clubs and at parties. Getting obliterated with alcohol and having sex with the first person who walks by, and having mindless chitchat with people you couldn't care less about and vice versa seems like a complete waste of time to me.



Where do you find like-minded people? I've thought about joining a photography club, a naturalist group or a theatre group here in East Texas. But everything here revolves around church, hunting/fishing and conservative politics. So even if we had a semi-common interest, all the rest would be obstacles to my enjoying my time with these people. I guess my best bet would be to move to a more progressive town, but that's not financially possible.



Long detailed posts are just fine here...as a matter of fact, they are almost mandatory. I don't think many people on the spectrum are able to converse any other way. I know I can't!

well was thinking of cooking scholl but found a program here in network security which is a lot more aspie friendly,,so I put in for it and im working now on finding grant money,,

I live in a large metropolitan area (by Canadian standards) so there are a couple million people within a fairly short commute. It is also culturally diverse so there really isn't a dominant single demographic.

For scuba diving there are several local clubs and groups based out of the local shops. There are also small group charters that you can go on. I generally only go on trips where I know everyone now (been doing this for years). At my favourite lodge I pay for two spots so I don't have to share a room. No one seems to care if you don't socialize and want alone time, it must not be a problem since organized groups keep inviting me to come along. I was lucky in that one of my brothers and also my best friend are avid divers so initially I just tagged along with them.

When it comes to music I found out that almost every music store or school has its own little community. One of my long term special interests is tube electronics so when I walk into the store people ask me advice on and how to fix their vintage tube amps. This is Aspie heaven when someone goes out if their way to get you to talk about your special interest. I am known locally as the electronic repair guy for music gear. I have actually had people stop me from leaving so they could ask more questions, not often that this happens and my over detailed responses are sought after and appreciated. The same conversation at my brother's house would end in about two minutes when a family member would use that secret phrase that I am annoying them by saying "Quint, shut the hell up." As with everywhere there are a couple people who mock or make fun of me, but I realized many years ago, that everyone, including even the most popular NTs have this happen to them.

Also when people get together to play music, it literally is all about the music. I just have to show up and focus on my playing. If it gets too loud (which it always is) I put in my earplugs and dark glasses just become part of the persona. I get invited to these jams and gigs because people like my tutor suggest me as a player to people. Because I am fairly quiet and reserved around people I just met (imagine that) and just play music I rarely have an issue with the others. They are used to new people having huge egos and trying to upstage the regulars so someone quietly just playing along and obviously just happy to be included gets you that all important invitation to come back. I have also learned that most musicians are really not that normal anyways so the are generally more accepting of people that are "a little off."