How have you adapted to isolation?

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I live in a very rural area. I find the people here to be uninteresting and unintelligent. Most of the people my age are in prison or too high to go outside and so I avoid the locals all together. I spend most of my time at my home leaving only to go to the store and class. I live in isolation because I really don't have a choice...

The same goes for me.

I really feel comfortable alone yes, I've been breaking out of my shell and trying to make new friends. But I still really enjoy just sitting at home on the computer or relaxing with a good book for hours on end.

I don't think I can. It is one thing to love your free time but to have no one to share your life with ever? I can't adjust. Not one friend in the world? No one who thinks you are valuable as a human being not just a resource. Yes, I'm good at my job and I think others see that but somehow they are actually friends (even if just work friends) and I am not.

I wish I didn't care or that I was low functioning enough to not know what I was missing, but I'm neither of those things. I have long said I don't have depressive disorder I'm circumstantial my depressed by my own loneliness. I know what it is like to be happy but the demands on friendship in high school were so much lesser that years later I'm alone. I was never completely satisfied by those friendships but at least people invited me to hang out, we shared interests, etc. now I've lost all that.

It hurts me too much to be a member of this world but never a participant.

That's actually a really good way of putting it. I think I'm circumstantial in my depression as well.

I like being alone but sometimes I feel like I'm drowning insolation (when in reality that isn't the case), and that impression causes the blues. Then I end up getting stuck in a feedback loop.

I don't go anywhere and sit in the same couple of rooms, I get depressed. I get depressed, therefore I don't go anywhere and sit in the same couple of rooms.

I've always enjoyed my own company, but there's so much more than company that we lose when living in isolation. It's the lack of support opposite your enemies, the lack of cooperation with common tasks, the lack of exchanging meaningful opinions on things that concern your life, the lack of insight into your problems and advice from someone who's known you closely for decades, the lack of "loved ones", the lack of having someone apart from yourself to care for, the lack of someone to share especially good or bad news with. If I won a billion dollars at the lottery today, I'd have no one to tell, I mean no one who'd give a damn. I never understood why in WP when the subject of isolation comes up, no one ever considers any of these aspects of isolation. Company to do things with is the only aspect mentioned, and it's such a minimal one compared to the rest. I guess trivializing isolation as just the lack of someone to do things with is a psychological defense, "sour grapes", against accepting the reality that we do miss out on a lot.

That said, one shouldn't confuse "the world" with human society. We're valuable, active, cherished, important participants of the world, just not of human society. When you start looking at it this way, your isolation takes on a totally different perspective.

Pine for Human Contact?
Not pining. Would love one nice woman who is the get-along type like i regard myself to be.
Satisfied with own company?
Yes! But we are still human, and at least a little understanding human communication is appreciated.
Surrounded to be happy?
That makes me very unhappy and confused.
Adapting to inflicted loneliness?
Often wish for that one female confidant is all that arose from inflicted isolation, nothing more.
How have i adapted to isolation?
It comes naturally. When thrown into a world one cannot understand, isolation is the first place to go to get one's brain back together and recharge.

Typical i'd say.

isolation is my natural state.

I recognise that it isn't entirely healthy, maybe for some it is, but I force myself to socialise and be around people, if not I can all too easily become a complete hermit.

I was a runaway at 16 - a missing person for 10 years, most of that time I was homeless, not enforced, had I tried I could have gotten off of the streets easily enough I suppose, but I slept where I couldn't be seen easily, I never begged, I ate entirely from dropped, binned or stolen food. I enjoyed the freedom, not having to try and fit in, not having to explain myself, not having to try and understand people and their odd ways. I became a complete recluse - I didn't ask for blankets or help, I was totally invisible in the centre of London, I could go for weeks without speaking to anyone. Heaven! Of course, lack of sleep, constantly being cold, not eating properly, lack of healthcare, being totally alone, also I guess vulnerable as looking back 16 is still a child, isn't great. At the time my difficulty dealing with people, it was the lesser of two evils.

For 8 years after that I lived alone, then I shared with my female cousin for the last year, she needed somewhere to live, I needed to share the bills. That was an awakening, she is young, sociable, she couldn't be anymore NT if she tried, she was so "normal" and comfortable with herself I felt like a spectator looking in on normality, a big learning curve for me, to be fair she was great, understanding, for what a difficult person I must have been to live with (even I could see that) she never once complained. I found it really difficult, sharing my space, but it was a valuable learning experience, to know that I have that ability.

Now I'm 35, doing a degree, and faced with the reality that unless I both work and study full time, I will need to move into shared student "digs". I don't know who I feel more sorry for, me or them!

Hi djrx

That is astonishing. How did you find enough to eat?
How did you find the social nerve to forage for food?

edaspie

Reading back, I think saying I could have gotten off of the streets easily enough isn't quite correct. I could if I had asked for help. But asking for help would have been the hardest thing in the world. Firstly because despite what may seem the contrary from the way I was living, I am a proud person. Secondly it would mean having to re-enter society. Thirdly and I guess mainly, I felt completely unable to explain my difficulties to anyone, I was unable to understand them myself, let alone try and explain that to someone else. Being unseen was easier.

Food was pretty easy to come by really, as gross as it may sound, we're a pretty wasteful society and bins at supermarkets provide a wealth of food as do places like pizza hut if you want something warm, usually the bins are in deserted side streets, most of them are eerily quiet at night. The only life you would see was rats and foxes.

The bigger issue really was water, I used to walk almost constantly, stopping, sitting in a place could lead to people talking to you. Also it was generally warmer to keep moving. Thru the winter, I would generally walk until I passed out from tiredness somewhere, wake up shivering and just start walking again. Finding something to drink at night could be difficult, looking back, most of my time was spent looking for something to drink lol

As time goes on, you start to realise just how invisible you are and get more brazen, also you learn little tricks from watching the addicts, they're always up to something to try and earn money. After a few years it was really not that hard a life, any need for finding food was gone.

I realise how it was basically theft and people may look down on me for that, but after a couple of years I started stealing from phone boxes, almost all the phone boxes in London the coin return shoot was blocked so the door pushed up stopped the money falling into the return slot, I saw someone doing it. They put little free pens that you get from a high street catalogue shop here into the chute in such a way you couldn't see them or really get access to them and it forced the door up, basically you got a lighter and melted the pen to open it, it took a few seconds. I wouldn't set them myself, some twisted morality logic, but where other people had blocked them, I would open it. At the time phone boxes were numerous and they were all in heavily used areas, I was getting £40+ easily a day. Minimum wage was around £4 per hour then from then on. I ate very well for a homeless person lol.

Also not the entirety of that 10 years as a missing person were spent on the streets of the UK. Some of it was quite enjoyable, the first few years 16-19 were hard. But I also spent time in Europe hiking, busking. I definitely grew as a person. I became a far more sociable person in Europe, maybe it was the language barrier, not knowing enough of a language to have to explain what and who you are is quite liberating, I definitely learnt a hell of a lot about non-verbal communication - which have improved my social skills vastly!

Sorry not sure how I ended up writing a book in reply to a short question.

djrx

Thank you for it.

Someone who grew up as square as myself must understand these things.
They are part of living.

Congratulations on working to make something of yourself.
That's better than i can do.

Best of Health to You, edaspie

I do and I hate it. It's harder to make friends when you are older and even though I found having close friends stressful (them always wanting to go out and do stuff) I STILL like having close friends.

I add my congratulations as well. Here in California there is a permanent society of homeless who beg and forage year around. Traveling about they advise each other of the areas to go and to stay away from. I really pity them in harsh winters as we are beginning now.

As far as needing and making friends is concerned: After over 70 years in the NT world I believe I've given them quite enough of a chance. I satisfy my social feelings here on line or stopping at a store or garage sale for a bit. About the time I think they're scratching their heads about this fellow (me) who isn't quite "right" I notice they aren't catching what I'm saying. Those puzzled looks are my "tip off."

Also. There is an added feature many of us enjoy along with our AS and that is extreme introversion. This introversion is what makes people avoid crowds and prefer our own company and is separate from Asperger Syndrome. A great article that spells this out is "Revenge of the Introverts" in Psychology Today a couple of years ago; it's on line free now. http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles ... -introvert It clearly explains how Extroverts have their social batteries recharged by heavy social contact while Introverted people like myself are emotionally drained by social contact and need time alone to recharge.

Being extremely introverted I find the lack of socialization invigorating, however I believe this was a consequence of my AS. Trying to engage with a group drains the energy from me and I retire, however an Extroverted aspie might get really really frustrated by trying to engage in a way his/her extrovert tendencies would direct but find it almost impossible because of aspie traits pushing them away. I'll accept my introverted tendencies gratefully rather than be tortured in this way.

denny

I never had to adapt - I've always been a solitary one. Occasionally I wish I had someone to talk to, but it's usually when I've read something I want to share (usually humorous, which no one gets) or have some new knowledge about one of my obsessions. It wouldn't be a conversation, though. Just a one-sided rant.
I'm not all that comfortable being completely alone at home, because I'm just used to having my children and boyfriend around. Daytimes are difficult for me now, since I'm not working and the weather is bad. I miss having a presence here, even if we don't say anything for 2 or 3 hours.

Boy I get that, all of it. Where I live now is far from all of my close friends, in a situation EXACTLY like NH2G described previously. I am very grateful that my wife and I share so many interests, but we don't share every single interest.

As I've gotten older in my isolation, I've experienced a "backslide" of coping skills & resilience. Apparently this phenomenon, although rare, is not unheard of. It's called called Autistic Regression. In my case, my social skills have diminished, and I'm also experiencing the classic autism problems with "over-stimulation" (lights too bright, sounds too annoying, shirt tags drive me crazy now, etc.). These things have become problematic when they didn't used to be. This compounds my difficulty meeting people, because I like spending time alone and despise groups, strange situations, new people, and just about everything else that goes along with making new friends.

I host a weekly program on my YouTube channel called Mr Snayl’s Wild Ride; among other things, I describe my perceptions and experiences of life on the spectrum. I just posted a video about this subject this week! I'd love feedback from anyone on this thread (or anyone else at WP, for that matter). If you like the video, please SUBSCRIBE to my channel, and/or click the video's LIKE button, too.

Thanks. Sorry the embed is so big!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcUUBdyI1Oc[/youtube][b]

As I got used to the idea that I'm probably meant to be alone until I die, I started to feel less depressed about being alone/isolated. It used to bother me so much and I felt very depressed about being alone. I had very low self-esteem. Now I'm accepting myself for who I am and my self-esteem has improved. Being alone doesn't feel that bad because now I know being alone is not an indication of how bad I am.

Having said that, I think the reason why I am a regular poster here on WP is because I'm still seeking some connection with other (autistic) people. WP actually helps a lot in that sense.