Anyone trapped in a highly social profession?

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Is being a cashier, considered a highly social position? If so, does that make me a highly social person?

Repeating rote phrases is considered a good way for ASD folks to communicate when they aren't that social. You just say a script, basically. It's awesome. I've been a cashier and it's the easiest way to communicate, as long as I can use my set phrases.

Temple Grandin recommends being a cashier to ASD folks for this reason. (Not that Temple Grandin has all the answers -- just sayin'.)

With my multistaking and general executive function issues I would not last a day as a cashier.

I lasted three months as a bank teller. The old bitties I had to work with drove me nuts. They made all sorts of rude commentary re: my clothes, my car, etc. and so on, but had no problem standing around gossiping and filing their nails while I did their work for them. I generally don't like being around women anyway, thanks to being beaten up so often by my older sisters, so having to work with women certainly didn't help.

I've done a lot better in automotive. I'm comfortable with the culture and the terminology since I grew up around it. I can relate to the techie types, and I don't have to worry about being so uptight and formal. I also have the added benefit of mostly dealing with people over the phone or online so I don't have to add my awkward physical appearance and mannerisms in the mix. I much prefer talking with people if I can write, or at least don't have to worry about making appropriate eye contact.

I've been working in customer service for years. I have worked in retail (Target), and at call centers. I find the hardest part for me is the physical environment and co- workers, not customers. My last call center job, Verizon Wireless, the office was too bright and loud! Music was allowed so I often had to hear it coming from several different places at once. I seemed to be the only bothered by it, so I tried not to complain about it. My co- workers taled to each other a lot, sometimes loudly, not caring that they may distracting others. Again, I was the only one who seemed bothered by it.

I have had a hard time getting through training for these jobs. These call center jobs, especially Verizon, had classroom training that required a lot of participation. I do not speak well in front of others even if I know what I'm talking about! I freeze up and my I.Q. drops significantly! I was recently let go from a job while in training because of this. I really want to do something else. I will eventually. Customer service is whatt I have the experience in, so I feel I need to do it for now.

I take it you're the sales administer and the boss?

You're going to be like the head football coach and get fired on a fairly regular basis for having a bad season. I mean, the head coach of Auburn won a national championship and then a couple of years later following a down season, the guy was fired.

Also, as boss, you can play to strength by being matter-of-fact and a little by the book. It's amazing the number of businesses that do not let their employees know what's most important to them. You can do this.

And I'd really encourage you personally to perhaps get there 15 minutes early in order to set a good example, and then really make a medium high-priority to leave on time. Bring projects to a stopping point well before quitting time and really make an effort to get out of there on time.

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There is a way to half-quit a job and that is to plead "family situation." And keep it vague and don't give more information. "I can't say more than that. It's a situation I have to take care of." To me, this is the more adult way of calling in sick.

You can thereby take a couple of days off. You can also take a couple of days off a few weeks later if need be.

But, it is half-quitting. Don't come back to me later and say, Hey, Aardvark, I tried your method and it ended up with me losing the job. I'm telling you right now. It may lead to loss of job.

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And I have not had particularly good experiences with counselors or psychologists either. A speech therapist helped me because she didn't overinvest in her own advice. Mainly helped me with my speech, a little advice in passing, if I like it, fine, if I don't, that's fine, too. And on the other end of the continuum, nondirectional Freudians looking for 'deep' or 'profound' problems are among the worse. I just have sensory and processing issues thank you very much. Please don't try to read more into it.

I am curious about Asian or zen practitioners, don't have personal experience. Or maybe just massage and body work by a thoughtful person every two weeks, something like that, a little physical centering.

I would like to contribute to this discussion from the perspectives of purposefully avoiding highly social professions.

Long before Aspergers / Autism Spectrum Disorders were understood, I had felt more comfortable working with things/processes e.g., I've been asked by counselors if "I prefer working alone, or prefer working with others?" I was well aware of how the dynamics, politics, etc. of working in highly social professions can yield harrowing experiences.

RELATED: Excerpt of my post on relatives possibly with Aspergers-like traits in 'How Autistics Were Treated in Past Decades and Centuries?'

LINK to main discussion (32 posts as of this writing): viewtopic.php?f=3&t=272061

It's probable that my relatives (from both sides of my family) had Aspergers-like traits. Decades back, my relatives got by through occupations that didn't require strong social skills, as well as occupations (by their very nature) involving only some interaction with mostly like-minded people e.g., Forestry, Engineering.

With the growing awareness of Autism Spectrum Disorders, it's great to be vindicated!

Many people would greatly prefer the phone call over the visit.

I was fortunate enough to stumble into a profession at a very early age, that allowed me to work mostly alone, in a closed room, playing music and talking - essentially to myself, since I never interacted with my audience, except on the phone. However, there were still plenty of social aspects to the job and it was the interoffice politics that got me fired every time - and I do mean every time - in three decades, I had 35 jobs and was fired from 28 of them. I got along with peers fine, it was the management types who couldn't stand me, because they were always changing things to make themselves appear productive and change invariably caused me to have anxiety attacks, leading to resistance and inability to comply, which they interpreted as stubborn insubordation, hello Unemployment Office, my old friend. I actually loved my job and was quite good at it, but after about 12 months, I would be so stressed out I couldn't wait to get fired.

Problem is, as you well know, using Unemployment as a vacation to decompress from the stress is a young person's game. After a certain age, you have to be concerned that you'll even be able to get another job. Like you, I had no assets - bouncing from job to job every year and a half or so is not conducive to building up a nest egg, and local radio stations were not in the habit of offering pension plans or 401Ks.

The fact is, it was getting diagnosed that saved me from homelessness. It was only after I had been officially DX'd that the therapist I was seeing mentioned to me that I might qualify for SSI Disability, since it was, in fact, my autism that had prevented me from ever being able to maintain stable employment. So, if you do get fired, file for unemployment, then go to the nearest community counseling center and start developing a relationship with a professional who can understand your dilemma. I started seeing a therapist for depression, the Asperger diagnosis initially was just a side issue that I was curious to have confirmed. With diagnosis in hand, go straight to a Disability Attorney and start the paperwork, because it could take up to a year to get final approval (all that assuming you're in the US). Its worth the effort, because the older you get, the more you realize you're on a train that's running out of track.

NLD is a catch 22 in the work aspect, because the only advantage of NLD is verbal talent, but what can you do with it when you're so bad with people. That's how I got trapped in a highly social profession - because of knowing several languages.

Yes, this is where I am, too. It sucks being good at words but bad at expressing yourself (and anxious around people). People just think I'm a jerk or too shy (I know, weird combo) when really I'm just frantically trying to manage my emotions and keep up and think all at the same time.

Have you considered moving into translation?

Theoretically, my work shouldn't normally be a highly social profession -- but it tends to end up that way anyway.

I deal with a regular roster of clients, as a self-employed person, and ideally I show up, let myself or get let in, either nobody's home or the person just goes to their home office and stays clear, I get to do my job and go away again.

But in practice, it's more often the case that I get dragged into their family life. There are greetings and conversations and then their kids want to show me things......I'm not a monster, I'm not a horrible person, I'm actually very sweet to everyone and I go along with all of it because being a grouch and declaring I just want to do my damn work would actually lose me that customer, as it's a free market situation and they can find someone else if they want to.

But what they don't know is I'm dying inside when all this friendliness is happening. I really do just want to get on with my work. Even if I like the people and I do feel friendly toward them -- I still just want to do my work. I'm not a morning person and often when I first arrive I don't even want to talk to ANYONE. Please just say a friendly hello and let me get on with my work....

Bit of a vent there; I never get to get that off my chest....

im a musician so collaboration is essential. Thankfully we have the internet!

I'm a registered nurse and I work in a busy emergency department. I've been working there for six years now, and at this point I'm considered to be a fairly senior member of the team, having worked in most of the areas of the department.

The most socially demanding of these areas are in the resuscitation area where I may be the designated team leader, where I will be expected to liaise with numerous different people from different specialties and manage a team of nursing staff, giving direction and support, often in stressful circumstances. It took me some time to become accustomed to working in this role primarily because of the social demands. I am a very reserved person in most circumstances and initially I had to keep telling myself to be more assertive, be louder, and above all to never assume that unless something has been communicated in a closed loop style, that communication has been effective. For those who don't know what closed loop communication looks like, it's basically this:

Person A: Person B, I need you to do this task.
Person B: Doing this task
...
Person B: Task complete
Person A: Noted, task complete

It's an extremely effective method of communication in that particular work environment and anything less is unsafe in comparison. We encourage this style of communication as much as possible and it minimises the chances of errors. The other benefit for me is that it's a very scripted style of communication and it takes away any sort of ambiguity that could result in errors or missed information.

To others it might seem like it takes a fair bit of social acumen to be able to work in this role but the scripted nature of communication does make it a lot easier. Additionally everyone who works in the area has designated roles and tasks and this also helps with managing expectations I can have of the different staff I'll be working with. In my opinion I feel like my communication skills at work are excellent as far as 'getting stuff done safely and effectively' is concerned.

Unfortunately I don't feel like the good communication skills I've picked up working in the area don't transfer to the type of communication skills needed for casual conversation and interpersonal relationships. And despite being able to communicate in an effective and safe manner, I don't feel like I bond with anyone at work. I share mutual respect with my colleagues but we're not friends, and I don't get invited out for things with coworkers outside of work. It's still something I need to work on, but I admit I feel like if I haven't got it after six years it probably isn't going to happen.

I've been in two pretty social positions over the last 12 years and managed to fare ...fairly well.

From 2003-2009 I was a Classified CSR for a newspaper and only parted ways after a layoff. (Five rounds of layoffs, I got cut in round 5. My roommate also worked there and was cut in 2012 when the layoffs hit her department.)

From 2009 until presently I am ...some kind of office worker. My title's changed so many times I'm not even sure what it is anymore. CSR/Office Associate/Showroom Backup/Sales Assistant.

I do pretty well via email, all right on the phones unless it's some unplanned-for/non standard questions, and I range from okay to horrible in person.

My supervisors do know about my diagnosis - and there are other issues besides being on the spectrum.

I feel trapped here, and trapped in the same pay rate, but I also feel pretty all right with that/lucky to have a job. My employment history prior to the newspaper job was terrible.

Sounds very much like my story. Care to tell a bit more?