Stigma and being a divorcee?

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Thanks OOM, in my home area divorce is just not common at all. I had the big church wedding in my 20s, moved away and returned last year in my early 30s. It's a very catholic community, and tolerance for anyone straying away from the norm is quite low. The local church hierarchy is not supportive of any kind of difference, 'its not in Gods plan to be different', terrible stuff, though I must say that the local priests are lovely guys, I have no issue with them.

I've moved on a part time basis for a job to a different region since I started this thread (I've actually just arrived and unpacked), I don't think it will be such an anomaly here due to the larger population, but I don't intend to broadcast my marital status, its no ones business.

I'm glad to hear you moved to somewhere you will hopefully enjoy better.

As for the Catholic thing, it's remarriage without an annulment that they don't like, not divorce itself per se. A divorced person can receive Communion, a remarried person who had the first marriage annuled can also, but getting divorced and remarried without it is the problem. Did you get an annulment? If not and you aren't looking for marriage or anything, just say "I was married for a while, we were divorced, the Tribunal saw everything" and leave it at that. That doesn't say you got one, it just says they saw it and they can deny it. It kind of implies one.

If it's just the whole divorce thing in particular and not the specifics pertaining to canon law, then just say you are single. If he asks "Ever been married?" your come back should be "Ever have erectile dysfunction?" or substitute whatever other personal "ever done" question there to get it across to him that he's being too personal. Or you could just joke it off and say "I've been married 82 times, what about you?" and then change the subject.

Or you could just lie. Unless you are looking to meet Mr Right when you go out (and it could happen whether or not you are) then it's not going to hurt anything to tell him no you weren't married. If the relationship gets more intense and you want to keep seeing him and come clean, then do so and tell him why. That you got all kinds of s**t from people about it and you felt that it wasn't anybody's business nor their right to judge you over it, and that if you met the guy who was right for you he wouldn't care about the divorce or that you lied about it to everybody in the beginning, and that's actually true. This is the option I would probably choose.

For what it's worth, a woman being divorced wouldn't be a big problem for me if I liked her. Not ideal, but definitely not a major deal-breaker.

@OOM
He is agreeable to an annulment, right now though I couldn't care less about remarriage, or how someone belonging to a religious organisation will judge me etcetera. In some ways it will weed out the not-so-nice guys, so I suppose that is a positive.

@Nathaniel Thanks. I was young and quite naive when I made that commitment, live and learn eh.

My parents are divorced. It was very common in the 1970s in the US.

In my time, divorce was seen as inevitable when people just want to move on. The only problems revolve around child custody issues. And the loneliness of both partners.

I don't see it as some mortal sin. In some cases, it is even a desirable outcome.

Once a lady, always a lady, if one conducts herself as a lady and with class...Even as a divorcee.

I think there might be more to explain if you reached a certain age without ever getting married.

I know that my situation could be worse, I hate accumulating these things that add to how odd I am, and yet I have a collection of them. With time I know I will accept these experiences as a part of who I am, and make peace with the things I can't change. I can only be me.

I don't see myself at an advantage to have been married, because to me it was real, but to him it was not. It takes all the lovely memories that I had, and makes them false. Maybe with time I will view it as a positive, but for now it just stings like hell.

It's right that it stings, but it's wrong to feel stigma.

Love is the foundation of all that is good in the world. The one who gives it should never feel ashamed. At this point it doesn't matter what your ex-husband thinks.

You are right. Love is some potent stuff, and when all the details are stripped away, having felt genuine love is nothing to be ashamed of, thanks Alien_Papa, that helped me.

Yep

1) ghetto baby mama who wants to see
Me broke and miserable
2) lesbian butch who wanted a child but pretended to be straight to get the job done driving me broke
3) island wife who married me for a green card and achor baby when she felt legally safe she left me and the child but still controls the child through proxy of her parents well she lives in the son in floria and we live in the ghetto of Chicago.