Can't get my head organized

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I'll just reply quickly here for now, as it's almost dog walking time, then bed time, so not the best time to write a book .

I'm trying to be cautious about Aspergers/ASD. The depression started in my teens, and until recently I thought that's when my problems started, but then I realised I'd had stress and anxiety long before that. I'm sure some of it was the way I was brought up, but then if I'm an Aspie I can see signs of it in the family, so I was partly brought up by them, so maybe they reinforced how I was anyway. I can relate to many of the characteristics, but not always strongly, but I've never been able to make close connections to people, and I think things started when I was first old enough to start connecting with people outside the family, but didn't do it very well.

About 7 years ago someone who has a close Aspie friend asked if I had it, and I said no and didn't think any more about it, but that was the first time I had even the slightest suggestion of it. A few years ago I did an online test after hearing a trailer for a radio programme, and it came up again last year during some Facebook discussions with a couple of psychologists, who spotted it in the way I was writing. But I didn't think it would go any further, until a mental health nurse suggested I may have it, collected the initial data, and the people who do the NHS assessments in Wales accepted me onto their waiting list. So the experts have suddenly taken it seriously. But there's a 12 month waiting list.

I can see that some of my problems are those that NTs can have too, but the counselling and other stuff I did after my mid life crisis 10 years ago didn't solve anything, and thinking it had, led me into the situation I'm in now. That's why I think that being "normal" with a problem may be the wrong way to look at it, and I want to know one way or the other about Aspergers, as that may lead to different solutions. It's this long wait that's so frustrating, as I just need this one bit of data to help me know what to do next. So it may "just" be depression, ADHD or something, but without knowing what it is I don't think I'll find the right way to fix/learn to live with it.

I'm an expert at avoidance too, and trying to help other people rather than myself is what got me into this mess. I'm currently regarding what I used to call avoidance as a coping strategy though .

Just wanted to say that I can relate, JohnInWales. When I was waiting for my assessment, it was like my brain was stuck and I couldn't think of much or do much that wasn't related to that assessment. I was like that until I got the report back, which was about three months from the GP referral. I do feel for you having to wait so long. I get like this quite often - it's like one crisis after another and I stop functioning normally.

It seems pretty cruel making anyone wait this long. It's as though it doesn't matter, and there's no concern about what effect it's having. I suppose there aren't the resources to do it any faster, but just the occasional contact to keep me informed of how long the wait is, and to see if I'm OK would be helpful. I was feeling better for the first three months, knowing I may be getting an answer soon, and was starting to get on with things I'd been struggling with. Then that all came to a halt, and I've been stuck like this for almost 5 months. It's been interesting to observe what's going on though, as I can see things are as they've always been, but much more obvious. I only discovered Executive Function, or rather lack of it, a few days ago, but can see I was having problems with it a very long time ago, but it's much worse now.

Anyway, I've now got to make the effort to e-mail the phone company to get them to change part of my service from the beginning of next month. It's only been a week or so since I knew the change was needed, but I haven't been able to make the effort to phone them, and there are only two working days left this month!

In my first post on this topic I asked "age or autism?" It may well be that the combination is the problem. I know I've slowed down some mentally, so the ways I've compensated all of my life may not be available to me now. Tackling the big picture seems beyond me. I've promised myself I'll retire no <i>later than</i> age 62, and I think if I weren't so tired all the time, I could think better.

I think this may be part of an explanation for the OP, as I experienced this recently leading up to major surgery. Autistic "obsessive thinking" went into overdrive and I was literally thinking the same thoughts, over and over, unable to think about anything else, complete tunnel vision.
I have issues with procrastinating and avoidance too and one idea I had to explain it was it being emotionally based and therefore inexplicable and undetectable to me. I know many autistic people have problems recognising, identifying, or even feeling emotions consciously, but that doesn't mean we escape the effects those emotions have. We're just not conscious of having them. Thus, I may be experiencing avoidance (which I do all the time) because the subject is causing me stress, anxiety, frustration, anger, and a whole bunch of other emotions I don't experience feeling at all. JohnInWales - maybe some of this is part of your problem too. I can only suggest focusing on tackling your avoiding through the emotional basis of them, example perhaps getting someone to help you with your retirement planning so you cancel out feeling whatever it is underlying the avoidance of it. Commiserations though.

I asked my daughter to help me confront my paperwork, but she is too tied up with her own issues at the moment. I'm frustrated by not being able to move forward.

I've only just come across the term "Executive Function", and it covers the areas where I have big problems. I've also never considered ADD/ADHD before, but now I've read up on both of them, I can see this could explain a big problem I've had all my life. What I used to think seemed like laziness, but didn't feel as though it was, may actually be genetic, either as part of Aspergers, or something that occurs on its own. I think it's been a bit of a shock discovering that, but as I'm not aware of a lot of my feelings I can't be sure.

I needed to know all this stuff decades ago. At the time it wouldn't have had labels attached to it, but surely people could see that there was something not quite right, and said or tried to do something about it. I have a feeling that everyone has been keeping some big secret from me. Apparently we were just supposed to "grow out" of this stuff. That's what my GP said about my "nerves" when I was little, my Mum's favourite bit of advice was "never mind, things will work out", and the GP I saw in my mid 20s when I was depressed told me to "take these pill, and go home and sort yourself out". Without the internet in those days, I don't think there was any option other than to rely on these "experts" with professional training and life experience, even though they were talking a load of *&%%&$*£.

Getting help is something that really worries me. I just can't see where I could get the right sort of help from. It means connecting with people in ways that I just can't do, especially at the moment. Ideally I need a partner, very close friend or family member to help, but as I've never had any of those I don't see how I can find one now. And I don't know where to find anyone else I can trust, would understand me, and would spend the time necessary to help sort things out. People I've talked to about the practical problems just don't get it. They listen to part of it, then tell me what I should do. If I could do it, and it would work, I'd had done it long ago. At least with a diagnosis, I could wave a bit of paper under their nose and tell them that my brain works differently, and they need to understand that.

Everyone seems to have such busy lives, except me! I've sometimes spent several days helping people, or a few hours at short notice, but they never seem to have the time to do the same for me. Or maybe it's the signals I send out that puts them off helping.

My daughter finally came over and went through papers with me and I organized them. It was a big step towards making decisions, though I still haven't made any decisions.

I know what you mean about others helping or not helping... I must give off signals like "only if you really feel like it."

Hey how you doing, JohnInWales? Haven't seen you in a few days.

It must be an immense relief to have everything organized.

No, it's only a minor relief, because I still have to read the papers and digest them and make plans. But it's a start.

Doing too much thinking! There are things I want to say, but I can't put the words together. Today was better though, as it didn't rain for a change, and the sun was shining this afternoon, so I spent a few hours mowing my field. It's a job where I get some exercise, and I have to concentrate enough that there's not much room in my head to think about other stuff for a while. I hope it's dry again tomorrow!

That sounds like a good activity for your current situation... best wishes for sunshine. "Make hay while the sun shines."

May I ask, how did this issue turn out?
Did you resolve this challenge?
It is very difficult, I sympathize.

I've already made my retirement elections, moved my investments to a safer bracket, and today I met with an attorney to go over the estate plan. Well on my way. Sometime you just have to slog on through.

I hope everything works out well for you.