Invalidated by my autistic default behaviors

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note: I haven't read the replies in this thread just the OP.


This is NOT you miscommunicating. This is a power issue with your doctor who clearly dislikes patients who self-diagnose. Comes off to me as if you could be the most NT person in the world here and I do not think that the doctor would change their mind. The doctor might not be as blunt with an NT person because the NT might be more cordial, but the end result, the doctor not believing or ignoring the patient, seems like it would be the same.

It is hard when you are often bad at or do something that you are not very good at, to know for yourself when you're doing it/are doing poorly at it. Like your communication for instance. You assume because you are not getting a desired outcome that you must have messed up somewhere, and because you know that you are generally poor at it, you put too much faith into what the other person says you are doing. But sometimes the other person is wrong, or in this case, annoying as f**k AND wrong.

Typical arrogant s**t doctor. I love it when Dr. God thinks he is the only one who can identify what a migraine is.

You can go two routes.

Option 1: Play dumb, and just state your symptoms to Dr. God and let him come to the obvious conclusion that it's a migraine.

Option 2: type your thoughts out on paper, print it out and bring it to your appointment if you have trouble verbalizing your thoughts. Explain on the paper that you do not wish to be marginalized or discriminated against because of your autism and verbal skills.

As others have mentioned, writing out a list of symptoms and other details about the problem can be incredibly helpful. I have a bunch of medical issues that have been really complex to figure out but are not directly tied to having Asperger's. But when I am exhausted or in pain I have a horrible time trying to arrange thoughts or speak. Using the written list is helpful in those instances. I will also write out the list of current medications and dosages. Having super organized information like that seems to help overcome some of the judgmental provider problems.

I have seen way too many doctors in the last ten years and they do vary in how they deal with patients. Some are horribly judgmental. I have been invalidated for being female, for being middle aged and had a few assume I was a hypochondriac. I have also found many that were intelligent, open minded and helpful. So don't blame yourself if a doctor treats you poorly.

The idea of people taking a more active role in their health is becoming more accepted in health care. I went for a 2nd opinion at Mayo Clinic this year. The doctor and intern didn't act offended or surprised that I had narrowed down my problem to a set of possible issues. There is some acceptance of the idea of a patient being more engaged in their health. Do a search for Patient 2.0, there is quite a bit of information about the concept.

Something I try to do to lower the stress of going to doctor appointments is to make them early in the morning. There are usually few people at the clinic so fewer screaming children and loud adults.

I'm really grateful for the replies. It seems many of us struggle communicating. I agree it can become a power and control issue when someone self-diagnoses, and I also agree that things are definitely changing as patients do come in more informed.

I've switched doctors. The day I saw him, I was less agitated. He seemed more respectful than the last doc.

Thanks again!

To Warm Heart,

That doctor sounds like he was a complete jerk. It sounds like he was a control freak on a power trip by saying "you don't have migraines unless WE say you are having migraines". About the worst combination ever is an autistic person with a selfish, domineering, controlling person who refuses to listen and thinks they are always right.

Logically, there is no reason to believe your next doctor will be like your previous doctor. Although I can see how you might fear this would be so.

My suggestions are:
1) never go back to him, and you could write a letter of complaint about him to his practice.
2) next doctor you see, write all the stuff down ahead of time, and present this to the doctor.

Let us know how it goes for you. Don't put all the blame on yourself for the bad experience you had, I'd say most of it was the doctor's fault.