the false sanctity of divorce

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These days, I believe people take divorce QUITE SERIOUSLY, in general.

Especially as it impacts children.

I agree with C2V. Women who want to see men get screwed over in any case shouldn't be calling themselves feminists, nor should anyone else. I care for women's rights and men's--not one at the expense of the other--so I'm almost resigned to calling myself an egalitarian.

Fnord, I'm sorry you've been through so much pain, both as a child and as a responsible, caring father. Getting essentially written out of your family like that is truly unjust, and I hope your children will come around to seeing things clearly.

Oh, sweetie, sweetie, sweetie (and that is not condescension....it is recognition of what we hope vs reality) and trying to be funny. Was on another thread and Doctor Who came up. One of the popular characters always called he Doctor Sweetie..... Or, I could go full Absolutely FAbulous and say "Sweetie Dahling...."

It just don't work that way.

Too many times, it becomes a powerplay and an almost ownership of the children at large. There is still a mistaken idea that women are more 'maternal' by birthright than men.

And then the lawyers. Their job is not the welfare of the child. It is to win for the person paying the bills. And, they will say anything, play on any cliche or prejudice and just outright lie.

They are the bane of existence. I had one idiot take me to court for an increase in child support claiming that I had made tons of money and was not 'giving her her due'. The lawyer stands up, does the great Clarence Darrow and goes into this long speech to say how his research had shown this amount and then for another ten minutes about how I was intentionally creating trouble because she wouldn't let me see my child.

I am there sitting all by myself. I am furious when he finished. But, when the judge asked me if I had anything to say I just replied "I wish." Told them the amount I expected to file for. Was given another date to bring in the tax forms to prove it.

Was the only time I got to win. And only because the indisputable facts were on my side. I got pounded in court with lies, exaggerations and repeat lies and exaggerations. Repeat because she went through 5(!) lawyers in the time we went to court. And they all started from the same playbook.........

I only stopped going when a forensic psychologist examined us and told me that I had to stop pursuing visitation because the mother had so much time to do damage (Term is Parental Alienation) and it would, from that time on, just cause more trouble since it created so much conflict in my child. So, I was the one who had to give up.

And, the kicker? I always sought Supervised Visitation. I was never found to be dangerous or even a threat in the least. But, the lawyers did everything to prevent it while allowing the Mother to do this to my child.

And, when you are having a private conversation with your lawyer, the child advocate and her lawyer and they are all saying things like "You know how she is" or "You know she will drag this out", you know you ain't got a hope in hell.

So, it's just all messed up......

Yes.

- Open a safety deposit box in another town, using only your middle and last names. Keep your family heirlooms, birth certificate, passport, DD214, and other important personal documents in it, and throw in a few twenty-dollar bills every payday.

- Open a post-office box in another town, using only your middle and last names. Have all of your bank statements and credit-card bills sent there.

- Open a blind trust in another town with you as the sole beneficiary. Use this as your personal savings account.

- Open an LLC in another town with you as President and CFO, and use this as your personal checking account.

- Have your employer list you on the payroll as a consultant, and have your employer pay you in cash.

- Never get married, never cohabitate, and never father any children.

Prenups have been successfully challenged in court. The only income protection that works is as I described in answer to your first question.

With the right resources, even those measures can be traced. The only other viable option to full protection is your last comment "- Never get married, never cohabitate, and never father any children." And, I'm not so sure that's an answer either.

That's like saying don't step outside if you don't want to get killed. The risks are real but so are the rewards. The biggest advice I can give anyone is to LISTEN TO YOUR GUT! I ignored it the first time and had a nightmare of a time leaving my girlfriend and we weren't even living together full time. I since found an amazing woman to start a family with but I had to take the time and know for sure first. I'm also lucky in that she is financially better off than me so there was never a worry of getting financially screwed. I cannot emphasis enough how important caution is: my family tree has a few messy divorces and others where the man has given up the will to live, literally.

It also helped she is quite religious and never once pressured (or even asked about) getting married aside from expressing a desire to have a family before we met. It took a while to understand not all women were messed up and dangerous to get involved with!

The issue is that women were entitled to all these things in a divorce because of the existing gender inequalities of the world at that time those laws were made.

Anyways, if it's not split 50/50, what sort of marriage vow did you take in the first place? The vow is to make 2 lives become 1, meaning you adopt everything that the other person does in terms of finances. You are no longer separate when you marry.

I'm not excusing people's behavior or unfair rulings of the system, but there's a reason the system exists the way it does, and that is because marriage is what it is.

Tht doesn't always make it right though. The system has been rigged for many years in favor of lawyers and their fees. NYC just recently (few years) allowed a divorce to proceed amicably. Up until that time, there was no divorce unless you completely trashed the other person and even then did not guarantee a divorce. I mean people living separate lives but forced to live under the same roof.

So, may systems exist because they are still the best system around.

Others are kept in place because the people profiting from them have the power to keep it that way.