Terminated Pregnancies

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Bazza, I've had 2 losses and the second one nearly killed me (emotionally). I stopped eating and couldn't get out of bed. My weight went down to 125. For that one I did have a "body," a little pink lentil sized embryo with four budding spokes (arms and legs). I buried that in the backyard and also put up a windchime that has since fallen apart. I have an angel statue over the "grave."

I'm deliberately barren.

'conflict with emotions'

not really Bazza, i came from the sort of family where you decide not to have children very early in life (ie family life was not something i wanted to be involved in, based on my experience of it). have no regrets nor remorse.

i think that the world isn't good enough - it has little to offer other than wage slavery. i felt that i had life inflicted on me by people who bred for selfish reasons (to seem normal, to be like everyone else, some people do it for the money/security)

i wonder if your kid (surviving) was right in saying 'what is this piece of junk/can we get rid of it'. maybe you need to move on. everything dies, somethings die sooner, some later.

life is for the living.

My very first two pregnancies resulted in my two healthy kids.

All the rest were...different. Partly because I already had two great kids and that was as much as I, a single aspie Mom, could handle. I spent a period of time after my divorce being loose, and ended up getting pregnant more times than I can count, and having no feelings about dealing with the situation other than relief, pure and simple.

ESPECIALLY the one time with the impotent dude. How unfair was that.

The hardest was the last two times with MS. Since I knew he was the guy for me, and he has no children, it was an extremely hard decision about what to do the first time I got pregnant. I was 40 by then, with 2 teenagers, and he has no issues with needing to spread his genes around the planet, thank god. We would have a 3 year-old now, and I just can't imagine it.

The time I miscarried with him was right when I had already decided to have my tubes tied because seriously I can look at a penis and get pregnant, and I was tired of dealing with that stress month after month. But the last time I knew I was pregnant, I was 42, and again considering termination. But ironically, when I started to miscarry on my own, that was the hardest part. I did feel a loss at that point. My body had taken matters into its own hands and made the decision. That experience I will never forget. Thankfully it was too early to see any parts. I don't think I could have handled that.

I know this thread about feelings which is why I've tried to stick to that.
Please don't flame me for choosing to terminate pregnancies.
I have two great kids and a great relationship and I'm finally feeling I'm capable of surviving at least another decade.

As MS says "We can barely handle our lives as they are"

Bazza, how wonderful you had someone to share you loss with. . your wife.

I have shared about my multiple lost pregnancies elsewhere and don't want to distract.


Merle

My sister was always glad she carried her trisomy 18 baby an extra month, because that let her be Rebecca's mother a little longer. Rebecca survived two days, long enough for all of us to have our pictures taken with her (a real cutie) and Rebecca's picture is up with the other children in the living room and her ashes in a little jar. My sister had six living children, and a number of early miscarraiges. She mourned each one. Her children are all great additions to the human race. Right now I'm trying to suck up to all my nieces, because I think they are more likely to help take care of me when I'm old and decrepit than my own children are. Not that they wouldn't want to, but the boys live in far away cities, and the girls are brain-damaged.


Many years ago, I was walking a country road and praying for various relatives, when I thought of S. I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of love and approval that stunned me. I "feel" God maybe three times a decade. I made a long-distance call to S and told her that God approved of her and truly loved her. Oh, okay, she said, wondering what that was all about. What I didn't know was that after several miscarraiges, and she did not tell me then, assuming some other relative would have told me, but no, she was finally pregnant and rejoicing about it. The next day S found out her baby had a fatal condition. And then his head swelled so large she couldn't give birth, and the doctors had to take the baby early before it died in utero. This was agony for her, but she kept remembering that God approved of her. This was not happening because she had done something wrong. A year later she had a healthy boy.

I was very saddened by this topic.

I feel parental empathy for all the posters here who have suffered their losses with dignity and fortitude. Grieving is so horribly painful; perhaps I have buried mine very deeply.

I have experienced two miscarriages. The first occurred in August 1974, at 12 weeks. It was a girl, and a full sister to my 34 year old daughter. She would have turned 33 in April of 2008.

The second occurred April 1993, unknown gender, at 6 weeks and full sibling to my son and my younger daughter. The child would have been 14 in October of 2007.

Unfortunetely, I have no physical memorials to these ended beginnings. I only have my memory as a cemetery. I have told my living children about their unborn siblings so they can hold them somehow in their memories when I am gone.

I was very saddened by this topic.

I feel parental empathy for all the posters here who have suffered their losses with dignity and fortitude. Grieving is so horribly painful; perhaps I have buried mine very deeply.

I have experienced two miscarriages. The first occurred in August 1974, at 12 weeks. It was a girl, and a full sister to my 34 year old daughter. She would have turned 33 in April of 2008.

The second occurred April 1993, unknown gender, at 6 weeks and full sibling to my son and my younger daughter. The child would have been 14 in October of 2007.

Unfortunately, I have no physical memorials to these ended beginnings. I only have my memory as a cemetery. I have told my living children about their unborn siblings so they can hold them somehow in their memories when I am gone.

Mum lost a baby which was growing in her tube when I was 6 and it nearly killed her. The situation was so dire that the doctors didn't even look at the 13 week foetus to check its sex. I always like to think it was a little girl.

I was a horrible child because I kept asking mum why didn't they bury the baby in a cemetery and what sex it was. She must have been very patient to put up with the incessant questions, especially as she was very ill for a long time.

I've had two pregnancies that I know of and they resulted in my two lovely daughters. It's slightly possible that I had a very early miscarriage about 8 years ago because I was about 2 weeks "late" and had a very heavy period.

I don't believe in abortion but think women contemplating them should be given proper information about just what happens so they can make a properly informed decision. It isn't something I could do because since I was 12, I knew just what takes place in these operations (through reading medical texts).

If someone doesn't want to fall pregnant, it's better to take proper precautions. I think it would be dreadful though to find a very much wanted child had a serious chromosomal abnormality and feeling compelled to have the pregnancy terminated.

Apatura, how sad. I think I would have wanted to plant a little tree or shrub if the same thing happened to me.