Connecting with another aspie at work

Post Reply New Topic

I'm glad you posted your story here; I've been in a similar situation with someone at work.

Romance is not an issue because he's married, but both of us are considered weirdo loners. When I first met him years ago (before my dx) I felt a connection with him (which is very unusual for me). He seemed to like me, but was a little nervous as if he weren't accustomed to strangers being interested or friendly. I soon noticed some eccentric behavior traits that may explain this reaction. I'm sorry to say I started avoiding him because I was worried about what people would think of me.

Now in retrospect, I realize that he's an Aspie who has similar problems relating to people because he's spent his entire life trying to "fit in" with NTs. The fact that he's still trying to "fit in" makes me suspect that he's undiagnosed, and worries me that if I were to approach him about AS, he'd joke about it with gossipy co-workers. A case of karma coming back to bite me in the backside.

If I had the chance to do it over, I'd like to think I would be more patient and understanding. But there's still the problem of certain other co-workers that keeps me from taking risks at work. I wonder if I could get away with anonymously leaving a copy of the Aspie quiz on his desk? He might just think someone was making fun of him.

Hi pi_woman, thanks for sharing that !

We initially did not start making conversation on being aspie - it came much later, and it definitely is not the underlying reason for our conversations or friendship at this point. We are friends because it is a safe place for us both to share our interest areas as well as life experiences, without any judgment or fear of making a social faux pas.

I would not recommend that you push the diagnosis or aspie thing, and I really say this in retrospect of the last few weeks. Far, far more valuable is to just be a friend, and that means liking a person, despite what anyone may think, and not being afraid of being associated with them as a friend. And protecting them by standing up for them, stopping gossip, NOT telling anyone about anything you share in confidence (including being on the spectrum) and just spending a few minutes every day saying hello, asking after one another's well being and hearing what one's plans are for the day/week/weekend etc.

After all, that is what friendship is about, I think...? Just really caring about one another, and looking past the outside into the insides of someone.