Are you naive?

Post Reply New Topic

I think naivete can be part of Aspieness, I've read that it can, and also there have been a few posts about it in the past here, although I don't think all Aspies have this. Just speaking personally I think it's something to do with not understanding social stuff so well, there are undercurrents that I can sometimes sense but not fully understand.
Welcome to WP btw

This is so me.
In the last 4 months I've been ( assiduously!! )part of two other sites completely unconnected with Aspergers, and right from the start I had people saying that they felt as if they were reading some obscure psychology textbook, and being astonished and impressed by my openness and honesty, but asking that I put things in words of one syllable , so that people would not be put off, and also ,paradoxically, some people thinking that I couldn't possibly be what or who I said I was because of how I wrote.
Managed to overcome all this , with perseveration and adaption of my style and joining in with the fluff threads etc. Also arranging a meet with a few of them in a safe space put remaining suspicions to death , and I even began to feel had friendships developing.
But then two things became clear.
One, which a moderator kindly ( perhaps rather patronisingly)if clumsily connected up with my ref to mild aspergers on my profile , was my tendency to take word use very literally, and consequently have fundamental problems ( and therefore heated discussions about, because my questions got every body else worked up and defensive ) around words with meanings ,( by definition , because of their very use in our society!!), EXTREMELY open to interpretation, like "ID" , and "dresscode formal" etc. Unfortunately the mods explanation for this being perhaps because of my aspergers meant two very interesting discussions about these things got dropped, cos obviously it was just my personal handicap which had trouble with these words!!
Two ,that I take what people say very seriously, engage deeply with that... only to suddenly be told " it's only a word" or " if people want to label themselves so what"..or not to take things so literally, or " we were just having a bit of fun"..etc.
And I realise this has caused me problems many many times in my life; the time and energy I put into understanding , or respecting, or simply believing ,what people say to me only to discover they might as well have been whistling. That content is less important than the sheer act of opening mouth and making sounds ( or on internet, typing something/anything), whereas I prioritise the content.
I just tend to believe people mean what they say, and although like someone else on here says, this has not resulted my being" taken in" as such , it has misled me over and over again.
In fact this has been pretty miserable experience , which I'm hoping won't have on here!! !!

For me, I think I'm naive and cynicle in equal measure, but can't seem to find a middle ground - I'm either toally naieve and like a los lamb, or so cynical I block out genuinely honest people. I would sya I was more supicious nowadays, though,t han in my teenage years, but that wa a long time ago!

(sorry about the typos - doing this in a hurry at work!)

Yeah Johnners, I can relate to that. Because I have a hard time reading what people really MEAN, I swing between trusting and being suspicious. It's so frustrating, because someone can be all smiling and friendly to your face, and it means nothing. I have no idea what's going on in their head. And I replay the conversation over and over, examining what they said and whether I said the right things back....it gives me headaches. Most of the time I don't want to meet anyone new because it's just too much stress.

I'm naturally very naive, but have had to adapt a more cynical outlook on life, as a defense mechanism. It makes sense if you think about it. If you've been lied to enough, and believed it, it is better to be a tad suspicious, so that you can have time to sort out the meaning of other's words.

Let's see...my husband always makes fun of me because he'll make up a story and tell me and I will believe him...

My best friend in high school always laughed at me because I never go the "dirty jokes"...

I could never figure out that someone liked me unless they specifically told me, otherwise, I just assumed they were my friend.

I have been hurt by too many idiots because I believed them...including my husband's crappy family...

I guess I am naive...or maybe just stupid??? hehe

Possibly but I always run ideas through my patented Cynicism and Self doubt filter (tm) before ever acting on them, so I haven't done anything naive in quite some time.

I can still be far too trusting and naive, but on the other hand, the many times my honesty has been abused and the number of times I have been used and lied to has left me very mistrusting and cynical, especially of anyone I am just getting to know.

no

Yes. The money I've poured down the drain, seeking a miracle cure for various illnesses, is lamentable.

I'm confused, which I guess is a combination of ignorance and naivety.

I keep telling my AS bf to beware that everyone is not as genuie as him. He has had girls, employees, co workers and family take advantage of his good nature. I warn him about chatting on line as well. A pretty picture can be a 300 pound man wanting to kill him...

Even his mother says so.

He has some money and I am the first girl who pulls her weight financially. He only knew how to give affection by giving money. I have taught him new ways that he can manage that are not intrusive. He still trys to give money, but I will take a giggle anyday. Oh, and a car wash. spoon, head skritch, fixing plumbing, etc. I like things money can't buy. It has been quiten the adjustment for him, but no one here takes advantage (ok, I do get lots of head skritchies). He is naive, but I have his back. Hence I yelled at the contractor lollygaging, and the service repair trying to charge, and the stealing employee...

I used to be naive, now I am paranoid. Instead of "maybe they like me", it's "what do they really want?" Experience kills....

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you. Bush, I think. The band, not the president. Though it kind of sounds like his theme, now that I think about it....

Naive? I think that I have always been.

But I have learn to disguise it with a timely comment of incredulity dyed by a sarcastic tint which protect me but have an undesirable little side effect. It keep honest people away from me, and I get praised and befriended by the unworthy.

What a mess it has made of my life!