Is this a good idea for a middle-aged Aspie?

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I love anything your write, CW. Especially your experiences living in the mountains.

yeah, I live in an area with little and infrequent public transport.

When my mitochondrial disorder took up permanent residence, I was forced into an early retirement. I receive SSD, spend a lot of time on my writing projects, and have published once. It's a relief not to have to seek out a living amongst the NTs anymore. I only miss feeling healthy and having that option, but it hurts my ego more than anything else, being unemployable.

I think that you have outlined a good plan, Greentea!

They don't, for adults. And Social Security don't have a category for autistic adults either. But there's the voluntary organization of Asperger's that helps us find a way around it, provided I get a diagnosis first, of course. The multiple firings, the fact that no family or anyone else wishes any contact with me - all this should help. It may take several years, and court processes too.

So right now I'm busy trying to choose one of the only 3-4 specialists who diagnose adults in this country.

The diagnosis costs a fortune and there's no return by health insurance for it, but if there's a good chance to get a diagnosis, it's worth the financial struggle.

Greentea,

I can't say if the idea makes sense for a middle-aged aspie because we all seem pretty diverse in what we've become. But, I will admit that the idea you describe sounds appealing to me at times.

The only thing I'd question is whether or not it makes sense to own. Ownership of a house is a pain in the butt and its not likely that you'd ever make much more with the investment than in any other reasonable asset class.

The writing part of your idea sounds the most appealing to me. Being new to the forum, and newly diagnosed at that, I haven't seen what you write about. But, I'd be tempted to read anything written from/for the perspective of middle-aged aspies like myself. That said, your target market might be very small as I fear those of us who did not adapt well may be dead from inability to cope or stuffed away somwhere after an incorrect diagnosis from several decades ago. And those of us who have adapted well enough to avoid the first two fates are probably mostly still living in denial (or just plain ignorance of the existence of the condition).

If not for having kids at 39, I'd probably never have learned why the first 20 years of my life sucked and the last 26 have been met with oustanding success in some areas and equally oustanding failure in others.

What's your internet business idea? One of the only things that has really worked well for me was to design a business around my special interest. If your writing or internet business ideas are related to special interests, they might be more likely to be successful. It's worked for me at least.

Is there really a middle-aged aspie forum?

If you mean on WP, it's called the Dino Ex- Aspie Cafe, I think. It's in the Getting To Know You forum.

So glad to meet you, No_Exit!

Unfortunately, a few months ago Alex turned down my request to have a dedicated forum for those diagnosed "too late", the middle-aged generation that is only now hearing about AS, after a lifetime of living in the shadow of shame and self-doubt. So we post in the general forum, or in the In-Depth Adult Discussion forum, which doesn't get much exposure. Some have formed a group in a thread, as hartzofspace indicated.

So very true! I've realized recently that AS is only one factor, even if quite determinant, of how our lives turn out. Access to financial resources, amount of parental support or abuse for the AS, luck with environment - are all as determinant if not more of our luck.

I'd be interested to hear what other middle-aged aspies have experienced. For me I've found that my strengths and weaknesses seem to be much more extreme than the "average" middle-aged NT man. I've had much greater academic and professional success, and much less social/relationship success.

I can still count the number of close friends I've had in my life on one hand. Yet I can function quite well in a business setting, as long as I'm not sued. (Yes. Been there, done that, quite reluctantly.)

I can also have what to me appear to be "friendships" around special interests. But then when that common interest is no longer there, for some reason we lose contact and I don't ever see or talk to the person again.

I've been able to build a successful career and several businesses around my longest running special interest. At the same time, an incident of adult bullying (and my extremely adverse reaction due almost assuredly to having been bullied quite a bit as a kid) nearly took them all down. I mistakenly thought that doing the opposite of what I did as a kid (standing up for myself as an adult, rather than ignoring them like I tried as a child) was the right approach. It was an expensive way to learn that adult bullying is different than childhood bullying, and that ignoring them would have worked much better now that we're all supposedly grown up. Oh well, live and learn.

Isn't it a funny thing how the ones who whine about "bullies" are in fact the ones who are doing the bullying -- sometimes of people they truly love.

And, in my long experience, I have never known anyone who got sued who did not really deserve it and have it coming. People who are aggrieved and wronged don't usually sue anyone unless it is the last resort to resolve and address the wrong -- and, being in denial you have wronged someone does not make it a better world or make you happier, in fact just the opposite, especially if you have done this cruelty to someone you love who has loved you, too.

It sounds like you are in dire need of some serious self-examination and reflection on your own deeply flawed character traits. Asperger's can do that to a person, make them so cold and callous they are anything but human, less so than even a horse.

Therein lies the problem -- being human is what the Apies seek and so terribly crave/need -- as your very posting so clearly admits.

If you cannot maintain your friendships and therefore cannot obtain the deep personal connection and satisfaction you desperately need, maybe you need to re-examine your own flaws, because you will never find what you have lost unless you do -- and this will go on cursing your entire life regardless of who lives or dies amonst those you formerly loved or how long beyond that your life goes on.

You sound like you need to see a psychiatrist to deal with your issues. Why would you deliberately "lose contact" (aka shut out) your best friends from your life ? Only a pathological sociopath would do that, no different than the evil of a Hitler.

In the end, when you count all your business and professional successes, and piles of money, awards, and other inanimate things, what you will find really matters are the best friendships and loves of your life -- your most significant relationships. It may take you a lifetime to come to that recognition, but you will see. So sad for you. You don't have to let people you love go ...

I'd like to kindly request that you remove this from my thread.

Are you saying tha if:
1. a person says he is an Aspie;
2. neglects to tell a patient she has a devastating life-ending condition;
3. dumps her a as a patient due to his cowardice; and
4. blames that os his Asperger's

That does not described the truth (non defamatory) opinion expressed my my above statement ?

What would you call such behavior attribed to a person's being an Aspie ?

Love ?

If you can call it love, then I will remove my comment.

It sounds to me as if No_Exit is expressing the fact that he was wrong in the way that he chose to respond to bullying, based upon past traumas. He is well on the road to self awareness. This is a support thread, not a means to jump on a podium and judge each other, DurbanNatal. .

I was not judgmental of No Exit. Only made observations. FYI, I have been the recipient of much bullying from others as an adult autie. No one is being supportive to me ...

I shall support you, DurbanNatal.

Thank you sinsboldly. I didn't mean any offense to anyone here. I am just in utter grief right now. And don't understand why my kindness to the subject of my grief was returned with so much punishment and hurt. I wasn't upset or mad at No Exit.

Oddly enough, that's what I was trying to do, when this fly on the wall came at me and started buzzing around my head.