20 Apr 2007, 6:31 pm
I had too much to do this week, but I was able to stop, say what is going to kill me and what isn't, what's the most important, and what's not, and even though I feel like a semitruck has been driving over me all week, I made it, and am actually kind of proud of myself. The last time I went through this, I got into it with my youngest niece, which was horrifying as she didn't deserve that. This time, cool. I was able to say to people a little of what was going on, and they knew something was up.
Does anyone ever get into these states, and just don't know what the hell is causing it? I know I'm busy, and have some pretty stressful things going on, but it seems the "upset" isn't easily identifiable--am I mad, scared, anxious...the anxious is usually my first choice, as it fits with the busy, busy, busy.
As for long term psych meds, Krex, I think you may be right. I wonder if some drugs are like shock therapy, and mess with memory and sensations. I was on a plethora of drugs, but the worst was Effexor. I was on 325 mg, and was hallucinating. I ended up getting weaned off of it over the most miserable three weeks of my life. Of course, I may be attributing effects to drugs that's just my brain losing synapses through regular aging.
Why am I watching Rachael Ray? Egads.
And Robyn, if UbbyUbbyUbby and Aussieboy want to peek in and it's all right with everyone else, they can. I think we have a pretty inoffensive thread, and when we do get gross, it's usually on the sub-eight year old level (Chinese fart rag?)(hehee).
Is it all right with y'all if Smelena and Robyn think it's okay for the kids, or any parents and their kids, to peek in on the Dino-Aspie Cafe?
I really thing there's something to how the brain is processing things, and how we as Aspies perceive things. I often find patterns in textures, like linen or wall treatments, tiles, or leaves. And I have heard radio frequencies too. It's so odd. Yeah, why don't those idiot researchers do research on adult, and I mean ADULT, Aspies, and find out how we've made it, or not made it. For crying out loud--we come with more experience, and a wide variety of coping mechanisms. Or is it because we'll call into question the stupid ideas some of these people have about Asperger's and autism in general? Or is it because we don't exist? I keep seeing these things on CSpan as I'm futilely cruising the channels and seeing actors from the West Wing and Law and Order spewing the Autism Speaks party line about how awful these things are.
For once, I wish researchers would look at the parents. I am very much in the don't blame everything on the parents, but there are patterns to some of these things. I see a lot of "woe is me," and it doesn't necessarily have to be so. So many things are becoming pathologized, and pills are becoming rote answer instead of useful coping skills and acceptance of people's differences.
My sister finally went against doctor's advice, and took her son off of his ADD meds. He is doing fine, and miracle of miracles, he is sleeping. His grades have come up. Now I question her motives (thinking ADD isn't a real condition), but I pretty much told her he does not have ADD. I have worked with ADD kids. He is not. And he is doing well. I think he is a bit Aspie though.
I am so glad I have this place to come to. People talk about the things I've thought about, but no-one understood when I was talked about those things.
And yeah. My phrase for Ubbyubbyubby's "my brain is my best friend" (what a great answer!), but that I have a full circus going on in my head with a freak show on the side.
Thanks, youse guys.
Metta, Rjaye
Metta,
When I start getting into it, I just keep repeating to myself, experience the panic and release. I get agitated. That's what I call it and what dh calls it. I'm not anxious, but I am agitated. I get so bad I tell him to leave me alone because if I could get away from myself, I would. If I feel that way, why should he be around it? He leaves, but he won't go far. Anyway, I just ride it out. After a GP put me on prescription Quaaludes and Darvon for five years because migraines were caused by stress (one of their many beliefs about them), my skin turned yellow and I began to hallucinate, I have refused to take anything even resembling a tranq since. Forget it. I'll ride it out. I'll stay out of places that cause meltdowns. Whatever. Let the shrinks think I'm Schizoid, they don't have to live in my body so I don't care what they think. I think they are all pill pushers and idiots. It's a mutual disdain.
I think the curebie parents like drugs because it shuts the kid up. I think schools push them so the kids don't bother them. I think shrinks push them to make money. What good is a disorder you can't treat or drug? If I need something I think I'll go to one of the Voodoo shops in Little Haiti. They're probably more reliable.
They don't want to talk to adults because if we say we figured out how to cope on our own, where does that leave them? We are a booming business between shrinks, educators and Pharmacies. They won't let that go. You miss the capitalistic point. We need to be sad and pathetic to suit their agenda.
Enough of that soap box. Gah
Who is Rachel Ray?
Anyway, breath. Breath. Maybe we should all take up yoga or move in an isolation tank. I would like an isolation tank. I wonder if you can buy those? Maybe I'll ask for one for my anniversary.
SeriousGirl
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20 Apr 2007, 6:36 pm
I can't believe the shrinks thought you were schzoid? Qualuudes? My goodness.
SSRIs taken in the tiny amounts I use don't make you feel drugged. I just feel really interested in something instead of REALLY, REALLY interested in it. 
My hubby takes Soma for his back pain.
20 Apr 2007, 6:42 pm
SSRIs taken in the tiny amounts I use don't make you feel drugged. I just feel really interested in something instead of REALLY, REALLY interested in it.
My hubby takes Soma for his back pain.
No, I was saying they would probably think I'm schizoid if I told them I don't care what they think. A GP gave me Quaaludes back in the day for Migraines. I didn't even know what they were until I went to college and everyone wanted to buy them. He had me taking them three times a day.
I love that. REALLY?, REALLY, REALLY interested. Hmmmm. You know, I think that really, really, really thing is how I'm interested in my husband now that I think about it. No wonder he's anti-meds! That sneak!
20 Apr 2007, 6:44 pm
SeriousGirl
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20 Apr 2007, 6:45 pm
20 Apr 2007, 6:47 pm
20 Apr 2007, 6:49 pm
20 Apr 2007, 6:54 pm
SeriousGirl--
It's been a stressful couple of weeks. I've been busy with classes which is normal (there's a lot of writing, which I love), but I've had a couple of whammys. One of my best friends went in this week for surgery for a very aggressive cancer and I was helping her. I myself had a minor procedure and the anxiety was ratcheting up because the last time I had surgery, I had a panic attack in the surgery room just as the anesthetist was putting me under. We had our stuff done yesterday, and she's coming to stay with me while she recovers, because she can't use stairs for a while, and I have a spare room with some medical equipment. And all of this around classes and writing at coffee houses until I get kicked out, and finally I called a friend to just get me out of myself, because I was almost to that place where I turn into a nasty, nasty human because I need to put up the wall, and reconnoiter. I talked to her for a couple of days running, and then she was my support person during my procedure. I think I broke that anxious cycle, as the nurses kept me busy, and the medical staff were so goofy, and I was already tired, I really couldn't get too anxious.
And now I'm playing, and deciding what I'm going to watch on tv, or if I'm going for a walk. Relaxing a bit. Relieved I'm back on track and can help my friend.
I think what really gets me is that I know the stress is getting to me, but there's that odd state of mind where I'm trying to hold it together, because I HAVE to get it done, and all that mindset does is make it worse. Then I get mad, or upset, or anxious, or probably a mixture of all three, but I don't know which is going to come out, or how it's going to come out. I try to nip it in the bud before I get to that point where all I can do is cover my face, and try not to yell at people, and I end up apologizing and yet I can hear in my head all that negativity just making my "sorry" meaningless. I'm getting better at it, and it requires getting that down time. Or if I make it through the the mass of activities, I need massive down time. I'm a vegetable at that point. I stare at walls, nice walls, and rock. God, that feels good.
I think it was you, SeriousGirl, who mentioned hand gestures. I do that a lot, and they relate to what I'm talking about. It's almost like sign language, big gestures. Lots of looking around. My therapist will sometimes look where I'm looking to see what I'm looking at, and I'm not looking at anything except what's in my head. I've bopped people in restaurants as they walked by our table waving my arms. I once accidently nailed a waitress in the apron. I was so mortified, but my sister thought it was funny.
Thanks for asking.
20 Apr 2007, 7:09 pm
Thanks for asking.
Metta,
I hope you are feeling better after all that. What a week!
I do exactly what you in your quote. I was reading and nodding. I realized that people also look around trying to see what I see. I have also hit people so many times in restaurants.
Anyway, hope you are feeling better now. Glad your friend helped you through.
20 Apr 2007, 7:41 pm
sinsboldly
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20 Apr 2007, 9:05 pm
postpaleo
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20 Apr 2007, 9:19 pm
I've always had it and I tend to look at people's mouths when they talk. Eye-to-tooth contact. I think I sometimes classify people by their tooth structure as the most prominent feature of their faces.
You actually get valium? The docs here are Prozac pushers. I can buy a similar drug to valium called Soma in Mexico. It is not a controlled substance here and you don't need a prescription there, but it is in the same family as valium. It is basically prescribed here as a muscle relaxer.
Remember something about me...I run me, they don't. Valium is cheap, well studied for the long term and works well enough for what I think I need it for. I even tell him how much I think I'll need for a month, either up or done the amount. He advises, I listen and then make the choices. See the VA goes through so many periods of no doctors or fill in doctors or doctors that don't stay very long, someone had to take over and that someone was me. If I were to do anything different, I wouldn't have been completely honest with them. See a new one comes in and they see my addiction past (self medicating) and go off the deep end. It takes a lot of work to get them to understand I don't even like to take an asprin these days. This one likes to use my past as the reason my memory sucks, but guess what it came back on this dose (mood stablizer not valium), well returning to it didn't work, but it was there for a minute and I'm going to find it again. Old age, drinking, drugging are what he says is the problem, well all that may be true to a degree. I ended up with more then most people started out with. (stolen line from the Lil Abner movie) It was survival of the fittest. I get him to crack a smile with that line
But he is wrong, I saw it, it's there someplace and I want it back.
20 Apr 2007, 9:27 pm
20 Apr 2007, 9:29 pm
20 Apr 2007, 9:32 pm
postpaleo
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Age: 74
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,134
Location: North Mirage, Pennsyltucky
20 Apr 2007, 9:33 pm
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