The Married Aspie Cafe Thread (discussion of marriage, etc.)

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I'm not sure what it means. He's in gloom and doom mode. He's very much an ISTJ and has to spend a long time masticating facts. Sometimes that drive me nuts since I'm an Intuitive type. I'm fine and appreciate everyone's concern.

My hubby is is an extreme Judger in his personality type and I'm an extreme Perceiver in mine. I know that he loves me very much, but he doesn't understand me since I'm very iNtuitive. I take things until I blow up and it shocks him. And his constant judgmental comments grate on me. But, I also love him and he is basically a good man, completely loyal and hard working, but has a very hard time with anything not conventional. AS is not conventional and our children certainly aren't conventional. It is a hard situation.

I'm so happy you have someone who doesn't judge you. But I kind of wonder if people who are judgers see don't judging as something critical the way perceivers do? Maybe Zanne can shed some light on that since she is a judger and lives with another judger.

I think Zanne would know. I started taking ADD medication today and it has my thinking slightly messed up. I feel horrible. I wonder if this is normal.

My husband and I are both non-judgemental so I don't know what that would be like.
I was very thin-skinned and young when I was married to a judger so my perception of it would be biased in a very bad way.

I'm so sorry! (((((hugs)))))

Thank you!

Yes, I am not just an INTJ, I am off the richter scale in I and T. However my T always overrides my N so I hold nothing in unless I'm thinking about it or mulling it over. I have to think about everything and I rarely have an instant reaction unless it's a startle effect or a meltdown. I am a Judger and if I think it through and decide someone is wrong, that's it. Serious has seen me do it. I won't back off. I won't talk about it. I make an announcement, turn my back and go on my way. End of discussion. When I managed it was hard because no one on my team was INTJ (we're only about 2% of the whole population anyway and women are rare). So I would think up an answer and announce all the rules. I expected everyone to understand and follow blindly. I don't need to tell you how that turned out! LOL THEN I learned that if I could get an ENFP on my side, they could figure it out and interpret it to the rest. Worked like a charm. Pays to know your personality, even as an Aspie. I can see how it influences my Aspieness and vice versa.

The difference between N or intuitor and S or Sensor is that one lives in the land of intuition and though while the other lives in the real and practical world. Call it the world of application. They have to do it to believe it. If they are an ST, then they have to think about it, mull it over AND do it or test it out in the real world. They'll never believe it until they do that. They are the "have to see it in action" people. So the NP's think up all these wonderful things and the ST's are looking at them like they are looney tunes and cross their arms and sit back until it's proven to them. Then they have to do it themselves to believe it. Very hard for an NP of any kind.

I'm married to the ST so I intuit the answer, think it over, then proclaim this is it. Since he's not just ST, but also J (judger), he's not going to listen to that crap and proclaims that. Then, I get on the coffee table, shake my finger in his face and tell him this is how it will be. He will have none of it. The few occasions that happens (and they are few because we're pretty different in what we care about), it's an all out war of wills and we both end up with a headache. LOL

Then, the icing on the cake. He is close to E (extrovert) and F (feeler) so he'll be all hurt feelings over our blow out. I'm about as feeling as a rock (my E and F are O if that gives you a hint). So I will do something like, turn around and tell him I'm ready to go play in the bedroom and not think a thing of it because those two things are totally separate for me. He's still sitting there with holes in his ego. I guess I don't have to tell you how well that works out. LOL It's a comedy of errors when we have the clash of the super Judgers as Serious calls it. We laugh about it later, but it's pretty traumatizing when we go through it.

So the bottom line Serious is that you are able to make the quantum leap and it really excites you. He's in Hans Solo's old beat up space ship that doesn't work half the time. He has to fiddle with it and cross some wires and the whole time he fusses and says it can't do it. Finally, he's ready and he closes his eyes and hits the power thruster. He finally believes it when he makes it to the other side, but he's sure next time he will fall into a black hole or a supernova. You just have to remember what spaceship you are in and if you are Luke or Hans.

May the force be with you.

I'll have to get my sons book and figure out what I was again. I know the description was healer. My son is into all of that. Zanne, my addled brain could not figure out your Star Wars reference. I really don't know if I want to take any more of this med.

Zanne, you are a mastermind!

I was rumaging around the web and found this:

ENFJ: "Busybody"
Life's backseat drivers. They seem to know just what's wrong with everybody else's life and have a plan to fix it.

INFJ: "Messiah"
Characterized by the burning desire to change the world, which desperately needs everyone to be NF.

ENFP: "Muckraker"
Creator of hype, distortion, and the perversion of media of information to be wallows of mindless emotionalism.

INFP: "Fanatic"
Always searching for an Answer with a capital A. Unlike the INFJ, they are usually openminded enough to realize the current one isn't good enough after a few years.

ENTJ: "Tyrant"
Knows better than everyone how things should be done and works tirelessly to obtain the power to make it happen that way.

INTJ: "Crackpot"
All facts which don't fit their theories are just wrong. The more all-encompassing and less applicable to reality the theories, the better.

ENTP: "Frankenstein"
The salvation of the world is to be found in this new nanotronic frannistan, of which he just happens to have an almost-working model...

INTP: "Nerd"
What? you mean people actually talk to each other using mouths and ears instead of keyboards????

ESTJ: "Stuffed Shirt"
No imagination, no flexibility, no common sense, no capacity for tolerance of others with different priorities.

ISTJ: "Bean Counter"
Like the ESTJ but with less vision.

ESFJ: "Gossip"
Like the Busybody, but characterized by the urge to backstab instead of trying to help.

ISFJ: "Sidekick"
Doesn't need much meaning in life, just a person (or baby or pet or car) to spend all their time ministering to.

ESTP: "Beer Drinker"
Loud, crude, plays team sports, kisses and tells. These are the people beer commercials are made for.

ESFP: "Clown"
Always the class troublemaker, they have no respect for anybody or anything. Good at snide wisecracks.

ISTP: "Assasin"
Hates people, and is good at killing them. Young ISTP's are good at killing pictures of people in video games.

ISFP: "Snob"
Revels in the elaborate sensations of wine and paintings and music that are completely indistinguishable to ordinary people. Likes flowers.

Aha!

I'll go search for "Myers-Briggs".I take it the predominant AS "type" is INTJ?

Nice isn't it

"Nothing can be whole that has not been rent." Probably mispelled rent, I mean it to mean torn up, ripped up. From Yeats maybe? The charactor in the play was called Crazy Jane. Painfully true, but the end result can be very nice.

I am an INFP (fanatic according to Serious). I'm surprised I haven't made all of you want to vomit! How un-Aspyish of me!!

So we are the Crackpot married to the bean-counting stuffed shirt. That sums us up pretty well actually. LOL


It was once thought that most Aspies were INTJ, but that has not proven out. Occassionally they ask on here and the members are in all the categories including quite a few in ENFP. That's just a more emotional Aspie. LOL If I was male, I'd be one of the male Aspies those wives write about on FAAAS. I'd have some wife running around going, The horror. The horror.


And yes, mine is called the Mastermind and that's usually what I am at work. I just did it today and now they think I'm a genius again. I'm just a lowly writing. The problem was obvious. I don't know what was wrong with those engineers.

I've also known NT INTJs and they are not Aspie at all. They are NTs. They tend to think I'm just an extreme INTJ.

Every team needs an INFP. Who is going to tell me when I'm walking all over everyone if you leave?

Bingo! It's like having "Editor on the Shoulder" syndrome. Then he's saying, "Why do you keep changing your interests? If I have an interest, I'll probably stick to it the rest of my life!"

And I say: "They get used up."

And he says: "What???"

And around we go.

No, my daughter is an INFP. Very creative and nurturing types.

I saw a post some time ago on that. I don't recall the specifics other then it was rough for him. iirc, he stopped doing them, the drugs, don't recall the full story, how long, what kinds, under what conditions and so on. I've not been down this road, not sure I would want to, if someone thinks it would be good for me. Ultimatly only you know what is good for you and what isn't. The med road is full of pot holes, not easy at times, but find the right one and it is a good thing. Sometimes it's nails in the desk stuff and you just have to hold on till you know for sure, that it gets to where the med is really doing what it's suppose to. My rate of getting to that lavel is way different from the "book". So I pay no attention to them when they give me a time limit on the drug. I wait till I know whats going on inside me. That's just me though, I suppose everyone is different. Sort of like drinking it's only really a problem if it affects what you would like to do in your normal world, if it does, then time to do something about it. If it isn't, then it's their problem and not mine. So when and if it comes to me and ADD, I'll be the decider. My life, not theirs.