Should an Aspie adult have children?
I'm finally in a relationship with someone (an NT girl who's getting a doctorate in astrophysics) and we were discussing children. She doesn't want children. I may.
Then something occurred to me -- SHOULD I have children? What are the risks that an Aspie adult will have an autistic child? If it's more than maybe 10-15% I'm almost thinking it may not be worth the risk. I may want children, but if it's not a very good idea...
Thanks in advance,
ACG
If she doesn't want children and you do, could be a dealbreaker for her. Doesn't matter what the risks are.
Second that. I'd be more worried about this than any possibility that any kids will end up on the spectrum somewhere.
Although FWIW, I'm on the spectrum and have 3 kids. If any of them are, it's very mild. Also I like being a parent. It's not perfect (what is??) but it is enjoyable. You don't have to be perfectly able to empathize, perfectly able to respond, perfectly able to be perfect to be a good parent. NT's aren't perfect-- they're just better at not stressing about their faults because they have lots of people like them to make them feel OK.
My kids are happy and healthy. The biggest problem I have had is with the judgments of others, getting pissed over what THEY think a parent should be.
_________________
"Alas, our dried voices when we whisper together are quiet and meaningless, as wind in dry grass, or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar." --TS Eliot, "The Hollow Men"
I'm finally in a relationship with someone (an NT girl who's getting a doctorate in astrophysics) and we were discussing children. She doesn't want children. I may.
Then something occurred to me -- SHOULD I have children? What are the risks that an Aspie adult will have an autistic child? If it's more than maybe 10-15% I'm almost thinking it may not be worth the risk. I may want children, but if it's not a very good idea...
Thanks in advance,
ACG
There's no reason why someone whose autistic shouldn't have children, if that's what they want. It may sound horrible to some but I wouldn't mind if my children shared my traits. I'm intelligent and have a lot to offer. I'm afraid I would actually have a harder time raising children that were NT.
I have three children. I've got AS, ADHD, seizure disorder and migraines, and my husband has ADHD. My oldest child (18 y.o.) has ADHD with some AS traits but not diagnosable as AS, is brilliant and on a full scholarship in college. My middle child (14 y.o.) has ADHD and AS, and she's very bright as well. My youngest (almost 11) is the most NT of the bunch, just mild ADHD, and also smart as hell. It isn't the easiest thing in the world to raise bright children with varying degrees of ADHD and aspie traits, but would I do it all over again? YES! Only I'd hope for more patience than I have!
~Kate
_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu
I have AS and I still plan on having children. I don't consider the possibility of having a child with AS or Autism a discouragement. If any of them have an ASD, I'll just work with them as best I can. Would the kid have rough spots in life? Yes, but so does everyone else, whether they have an ASD or are NT. Personally, I never though the challenges that came with AS outweigh the many joys that come with living.
hi, I'm an aspie, I'm 38 now and had my daughter when I was 19. I was far too young to have a child (as you may imagine) because I was and still am very young for my age. Anyway Due to my difficulties (plus the fact that I wasn't parented very well myself) I was unable to be a good parent and she had to be looked after by someone else. She's 19 now and beautiful, funny and intelligent, she has the nicest, kindest and mildest manner of any person who I have ever met and I live every day of my life for her. We are now living together, we offer each other tremendous support and we make an excellent team. I most certainly don't regret having my daughter, my only regret is the years I missed with her. I believe that if you are old enough. mature enough and settled enough in your own life so that you can support another human being and you can offer them the love and support they deserve then you should go for it.
God bless you.
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