The Married Aspie Cafe Thread (discussion of marriage, etc.)

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INTP, here - no great surprise, I'm sure!

One thing I always found interesting about the ending of Return of the Jedi was that in the end, all that running around and fussing with the Force that the big bad Jedi and Sith magic-type guys were doing didn't actually mean all that much. They just wound up fighting amongst themselves, ignoring the rest of the ongoing battle.

Meanwhile, the freedom of the Galaxy was assured by Han Solo, Lando Calrissian, that little Sullustan in the side seat of the Falcon, Chewbacca, Wicket, and various other perfectly normal, un-Force-enhanced men (and wookies, and ewoks, and Sullustans, and whatever...). If it hadn't been for them, it wouldn't have mattered a tinker's dam if Luke had chopped the Emperor and Vader into hamburger - there's no way Luke, all by his lonesome, would have prevailed against the might of the Empire. And Empires don't collapse overnight, either - just ask the Romans! On the other hand, if Luke had fallen to the Emperor, and followed in Daddy's whiny footsteps, they still would have all died when Han destroyed the defense shield, and Lando and Wedge Antilles took out the main generator...

I have been diagnosed as ADD with social anxiety disorder and shadows of AS. The only reason I don't have an AS diagnosis is because I am overly emotional and can read social cues very well.
Two of my sons are AS and my 2 NT children also have many AS characteristics.

Don't worry about it, most doctors are in denial. They figure they really got something along with the degree. It's just a piece of paper. Better uses for it then wall hanging, but they just don't get it. Keeps them safe from the rest of us, they like neat little compartments with specific terms. Wasn't all that long ago they liked leeches.

Be careful of all the abbrevations that run rampent here. They won't get you any closer to figuring out what needs to be and a good deal of it, should just be left alone. I am what I is. I've thought the words "common sense" to be a bit of a mystery, how can it be common if there seems to be so little of it.

I read a very good book about children with AS. The author is a man with AS who was not diagnosed until he was an adult. He calls AS simply a way of being. He calls it the Asperger's experience. It was the most useful book I've read. I know alot of people on here make such a big thing about "fixing" the kids or themselves but really what can you fix? You can change your perception of yourself and choose the way to live that works best for your personality and challenges and that is all. I have had to explain that even though my children have AS they are not like any one else with AS. One's personality is the basis for who you are, not the AS. A very depressed personality would find it much harder to deal with AS than an optimistic person. I see this everyday in my sons, one is a serious brooder and one is a happy comedian. They handle their challenges very differently. It does sometimes annoy me that the label seems important to so many.

What I'd like to change is my absent-mindedness, and putting my mouth in gear before engaging my mind. Most of the discussions TM and I have revolve around my forgetfulness, or thinking through something out loud. Other than those two, I'm pretty content with meself.

What book was that, Blessed?

My hubby hates the fact that I have emotions. I find that very strange!!

I thought everyone was supposed to have emotions. I don't understand men.

Don't feel alone, Serious ! ! Whenever I get sad TM gets all upset ! ! I have to tell her it's OK for me to have feelings. I might be sad for a day or two, and she tells me to get over it ! ! The message is that it's alright to have positive feelings, but negative feelings aren't to be expressed ! !

The book is called "The Everything Parent's Guide to Children with Asperger's Syndrome: Help, Hope and Guidance", by William Stillman. I was a little worried that it may be like the "For Dummies", but it was realy quite helpful.

I think all men need to be whacked with a big stick every now and again. Don't get me wrong, I love the company of most men but sheesh!....

OK, let me get this straight, he doesn't like the AS that makes you very logical and I'm guessing less emotional than most women, but he thinks you are too emotional. Am I getting this right? Does he come from the same town as the Stepford wives by any chance.

Oh, he likes the fact that I'm logical. I'm pretty quiet and laid back until I'm pushed too far and he seems to be insensitive to his pushing. Then I blow up and he can't deal with that. He has AS traits himself.

Professor, no negative emotion is allowed!

Pretty close to it, actually. He's from Massachusetts.

My hubby gets upset when I lose my cool because he really does not know what he did to tick me off. I know alot of men like that and any AS at all would make it worse. I think most men also feel need to "fix" us when we are upset and do not know how. They are the protectors. Women support each other but don't generally have that fix and protect attitude. We are alright with allowing emotions to just be.

We're FIXERS ! !! That's wot we do ! !! We go to a job where we 'fix' stuff. We find solutions to problems, we find answers to questions, we fix broken machines. So when our woman says "This is wot has me upset", naturally we put our mind in gear to 'fix' it ! !

We do this as a matter of course. It takes a lot for one of us to change this tendancy.

And thank heaven for each and every one of you "fixers"

I thought that's wot got us in trouble ???

I now listen to TM when she 'needs to talk' and I holds my tongue, unless she asks "wot can I do 'bout this?" Umm hmmm, I see, oh my goodness she said that, rreallly, no way she did that, OH, of all the odd things for her to do, wow, tch tch.

It is what gets you in trouble but who would want a man around that doesn't want to fix things? Women aren't supposed to make sense, are we?