The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

Post Reply New Topic

LOL I don't care about your gums! I'm going to Hawaii in a week. Maybe I'll come to Austalia next to visit Ubby. We can lay on the ground and look at the stars while we listen to Ode to Joy. I'll tell him some secrets about life and stuff. Things my dad taught me.

Drats!! CC, I have forgotten my waltz steps. I'll need to be taught again.

I sure do remember my Jitterbug steps and I have a much better grip on my partner now. Thanks. Let's just hope the cafe doesn't try to invent the music and lyrics or we'll both be running for the door.

Texan? Me???

I'm going to presume that was a compliment, so thanks! But the only time I've ever spent in Texas as two months in the summer of 1986, at Lackland AFB, and I'm afraid that didn't instill me with a burning desire to return to the only place I've ever been that was hotter and more humid than Omaha, Nebraska. Nope, I'm a Northwestern boy, raised here in the land of rain, trees, and more dormant volcanoes than you'd probably want to shake a stick at! Had to spend an unpleasant few years in San Diego (which stinks of diesel smoke and underwashed humanity), but I'm back home, thank Deity-Of-Your-Choice-Here!

I have that trouble on a few other spots as well. This is how I do it. I have made a short cut on my desk top to notepad. I copy paste what I'm writing to it in case i loose it when needing to look something else up. Notepad is your friend. I need to find a better one, then the one that comes with windows, some good free ones, I just can't decide. Some even have a spell check, just need to find one you can add words to. Other wise I won't use it.

Medic or Basics?

I just open up another window and WP, go to the thread and switch back and forth. You can have two sessions of WP open at the same time.

That works too, do that one on my site. But usually have about 5 things open to do that thing, need the repeated music to get the juices flowin.

AF Basic - in a squadron building with a malfunctioning A/C unit. In San Antonio. In July. Did I mention that because of the bats, we couldn't leave the windows open at night? And did I mention the nightly insecticide spraying outside?

nannarob,
don't understand the relations between you, ubby, helen and husbands
so that i don't know whether you're talking about your son or other,
but maybe that's not the important thing,
it's a kid wandering, just as i did and no one around to understand, with me that was.
with our son we had difficult time too (beaten up behind the carbage cans by 5 older and taller than him for exemple, no wonder that in the end he started hitting me)
what helped was, well first another school there was no other way out, we've tried.
being together all four of us, and making the kids proud of who we are (singing songs in the car "we are the champions of the world' )
so what really helped was 'listening', trying to figure out what exactly happened, and encouraging everyone around (father, teacher, other family) to do the same, and comfort them when they have to be patient cause it needs time to be expressed and they (the surrounders) often lose patience because they think it won't work.

but also not giving in whenever your limits are crossed, cause that creates a very instable and un-correct image, AS needs the truth, not some emotional life-savier (or am i expressing this wrong?). And lots of explanations: how things are, how they work and tools to be able to build own life (no unkept promises!).

sometimes giving all the elements ready, clearly (not with one hundred choises) laid out and letting the kid do it him/herself ("ok, you want to persue your idea: take care you don't forget about this and that, this is also very important, if you feel you can do it, go ahaid" my son had a fascination with fire, no way(really!!) to talk him out of it, so we gave him instructions "never where we can't see it, not too close to your body, not on a ground that can burn, etc" and he'd be burning some old newspapers, some water next to him)

zannemarie,
if it were only driving crazy the ved...

You had air conditioning? Even if it didn't work well? Oh that's right Air Force I think they always plan basic around the highest temps known on the planet. Humm, trying to remember when my son was there and can't. Must be they fixed it, he didn't mention it. He did most of his time in Holland.

Naw, not much respect for life in those places, they'll step on anything with anything that works. Always better if it costs a lot and looks good on parade. I can see it now. The fine hard strutting troopers, armed with spray cans. Unfortantly that image causes a flash back.

Last edited by postpaleo on 29 Apr 2007, 5:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

Dammit. I lost my post.

I'm gone for a few days, and there's all this "excitement" I missed. I'm kind of glad I did, because I got to come in on the good stuff.

The PTSD, oh, yes. I think a lot of people with AS and ASDs have it. I think we're partially wired for it, and then we hit some turbulence, and bloop. There ya go. And to go through what you've gone through, Postie, and you, too, Lemon...an extra special case.

Between the weird childhood of abuse, alcoholism, sexual abuse, and a parent always on the verge of dying (vigilance, anyone?), I've dealt with PTSD. It's taken me over a decade to have periods of normalcy. I am still surprised at the power of my emotions sometimes, and how confusing they can be over what seems to be normal stresses, but for me, that's what can trigger it. I have to give you props, Postie, that you still are able to deal with your episodes, as terrifying as they must be.

Postie, I agree with you on the VA hospitals. It has to do with the people. There's the usual jerks, which I think is a law of the universe or something, but there are some fantastic people. There needs to be a whole s***load of money put into the system to fix/replace the infrastructure, and to get more professionals in there, but there's a special group who chose to work with our vets. Thank goodness. But we need to do more. Vets are waiting too long for services, and they shouldn't wait at all.

Lemon, I relate to a lot of what you write. Thank you for writing your story.

Nannarob--Helen needs to take care of herself, and somehow do some mourning. I know you all are learning here at WP about what Ubby is going through, and everything you've written has indicated to me that your family is doing the best for this special guy, but it also sounds like y'all are wearing out. There's some panic about his education, and pressure, pressure, pressure. I know you think he acts weird, but if he can learn to be respectful of the other kids, and learn to cope in school, could you put up with a little weird?

Will Ubby's parents also be going through cognitive therapy at Tony A's? I know that cg has been found to be helpful in general for people with AS, but all I can attest to is that it has been a help to me. Being rational in the first place really works with this style of therapy. Sometimes reason, while a very solid tactic in most situations, is not useful with emotions, and cognitive therapy helps me to get to the root of my unease.

Often I find I am "upset," but I don't know why. What I learned in cg is to recognize the physical symptoms and to work from the "bottom up," as it were, to accept I am feeling the beginnings of an overwhelming emotion, and to find ways to defuse, defer, or if able, to detail it. Often it means taking a break, though my therapist tries to discourage that. I think he's starting to understand I really need the down time, but I also need to get my equilibrium in social/work/school situations in order to continue. The nice thing about college is that I can leave the classroom to get my bearings and a cup of coffee. This may be what Ubby will need. Also, check on the possibility of some kind of pressure on his skin. Have you or your daughter tried squeezing him really hard, or really firm massage when he's upset or ready to crawl out of his skin? Many of us find the firm physical pressure to be soothing. I found that the physical therapy massage I have for my neck and shoulder was very soothing whereas regular massage would be too light and would have me clinging to the ceiling.

Robyn, I wish you peace and calm, and everyone in your family as well.

Ooh. It's late, but I'll check in the morning.

Metta, Rjaye

Thanks for your support guys. Lemon, I am married to jim-Big Jim to his grandchildren and adored by them.
Smelena ( Helen) is my daughter married to Anthony (we suspect aspie as he is often anxious, stomach ache, uncommunitive and unaware when he hurts other's feelings. Also very goodlooking as is Helen)
Aussie Boy (Jimmy) UbbyUbbyUbby (Daniel)and very NT Liam are my grandchildren.

Not so terrifying, in some way I'm, how do i put it and still make it make senese???? I'm calused to it but..ah crap i don't know how to put it in words. Maybe emotionaless in some respects, but not, ah crap I don't know how to write it. Maybe calused would be more soothing to those that come here feelings. heavy guilt is a real biggie, bad self worth is in it too. I've had it so long, it's just another day.

If a helicopter or plane comes anywhere within hearing I'm ready to crawl under the pavement. Vigilance, oh man that one hits so hard. I can't go to sleep unless I'm like really exhausted, it's not like I'm afraid i won't wake up, it's like I have to be on guard, like I need to stay awake, not desert my post, I can't fail again. Here's the thing, I don't understand, what it is I'm guarding and I've been guarding it for 35 some odd years? I think that was some of the bliss of drinking myself to blackouts, I didn't have to pull guard duty, lol, even though I pulled it even harder with every gulp I took, god I can be such a freakin idiot. Where's that damn 2x4. Ok wife is up, my guard duty is over for the night, someone whack me to sleep please. Gotta draw the blinds sun is up now too.

G'night

Not ignoring the sexual abuse, I have a couple questions about that too. To tired to get them right.

Rjaye, Helen looks out for herself and I watch her too. She says she is strong at the moment, and she and Anthony take it in turns to lean on each other. This is a new development in their relationship. He just wouldn't accept that Daniel was Aspie and commit to him and change his ways of dealing with him. Helen has been talking of separation for some time as she has been feeling that she has not been given the support she needs.

There's no doubt that Ant(thony) loves his boys. He has made great changes since Christmas. I have great hopes for them now.

Only Daniel is having therapy.

Helen has a very supportive doctor who also suffers depression. In her workplace she has psychologists who speak to her patients, and she learns a lot from them too. She hasn't been to a psychiatrist yet but plans too. But they are a vulnerable unit.

I am continually amazed at the insights of aspies. ZM realised that I was stressed probably 10 pages ago ...or 20. Now how did she pick that up? I think my worries are surfacing because my main role is to stand back and watch.

Thanks again for your support. I don't have a chance to talk things through in RW. It's probably partly my own fault too because I don't like to make a fuss.

Hey, nannarob, postpaleo, ZanneMarie and anyone else not Mozilla-ised, use FireFox (or SeaMonkey). You get spelling done as you type (even in this box). Cut&paste between multiple tabs (not windows... I very rarely open a second window. Just once in a while, say when I want to compare things, side-by-side).

There's a picture of my desktop here. Not as cluttered as usual. The toolbars (and menu!) at the top of SeaMonkey are sometimes folded away (one click on the left-hand edge of each).

At this instant, I've just turned off the lot (and the status at the bottom), so I have essentially nothing but the row of eleven tabs on the go. Those tabs are... this one, the SeaMonkey home page (just haven't bothered to close it), a Google for Kevin Warwick, three tabs simultaneously opened from that search (the third of which is his Cyborg2 web page), the Wikipedia page for PTSD (yes, I looked it up - I keep forgetting these four letter acronymns), the zappa.html link from postpaleo, and three more Wrong Planet tabs, one to the "WrongPlanet.net discussion"/"Add the thread name to the page title", next to the page I found the link to my desktop picture as above, and the last, another view into this thread.

NB. It took me a while to notice, but if you click on the little white, top right corner down, icon at the top left corner of a message (just before "Posted:", with tooltip "Post", if you get tooltips), it takes you to the message. That sounds pointless? No. It's about the easiest way to send anyone a link to a particular message (simplest, for SeaMonkey, is to right click it, and "Copy Link Location"). Before I discovered(!) this, I had done it by guesswork, trial and error, patching the stuff out of the address bar.

Maybe there's another thing that WP is missing: a sticky "Tips'n'Tricks".

Hello? Have you got here? Without falling asleep? OK. You can stop now. I hav