The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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As far as the comment on this site reinforcing negative traits?

Well...

We could go into the men and sports and bars and sports bars and dozens of other things reinforcing negative man-traits. Or women and shoes and cosmetics and gossipy hair stylists reinforcing negative traits, including even soap operas.

I have been in many forums, and being in those forums doesn't mean it reinforces the negative. Sometimes visiting the depression forum was helpful for me, because it validated how I felt and I did not feel alone. Same with this site, or the pain forum or the PTSD forum or decorating forums.

Certain things matter to me, and not everyone is going to "GET IT". And in this huge world, it's not always easy to find someone who can relate on ONE SPECIFIC LEVEL to me.

It doesn't matter WHAT the interest is. What matters is sharing it with others who understand. Pick any hobby, and job, any illness, any news story. We want to talk about whatever it is with others who'd understand.

Most people would understand having a cold or flu. They might not understand allergies, but if you explained to the general public that a head full of gunk from allergies is similar to a head full of gunk from a cold or sinus infection, they'd understand. Right?

So we can discuss those common things with just about anyone. Or find a useful analogy to help the rest understand. But how to understand Aspie or NT differences? There are classes on understanding other "groups" that I would take in college or university.

Developmental Psychology covered kids of certain ages. Black Experience covered discrimination and attitude and prejudice of African Americans in the U.S. and Women's this and Men's that and tons of other classes. All about focusing on a particular group from a particular standpoint. Those standpoints being Psychology, Sociology, Arts, Politics, whatever.

Where are the NT classes? Where are the Aspie classes? They don't exist. You could say that most of the classes in all schooling are aimed at NTs. Designed by NTs, for NTs. Taught by NTs, using books written by NTs. Schooling is, for the most part, aimed at "average".

Not people way off the bell curve of intelligence or having Aspie minds or ADHD people.

And relationships? Should I go ahead and say it? Okay: "Does anyone really know anyone anyway?" Short of being raised in a cage from birth with our partner, we're always going to bring different things into a relationship. Nope, men will never get what it's like being a woman. Women won't get being a man. People raised in cities will have different experiences than those raised in the country. Different cultures. Different age groups, anything that is different.

Got straight hair? Ever wished it was curly? Got curly hair and wished it was straight? But we might not understand what it fully means to have curly hair or straight hair, since we've never had it all the time.

No one should complain about us getting together on an Aspie site. We need to validate that part of ourselves with others who are like us. Or understand some of it. And here we validate many other parts of ourselves. As parents or children. As single or married. As having hobbies or interests. Jobs and schools. From the Aspie standpoint. That should be okay.

I really wish I could jump in but I need to get a batch of my Rebelle's Bodacious Brownies going for my store. I have had some epiphanies and need to process. Thank you for being here.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement. It will take time to get over the fear of "everyone being that horrible man". That IS why I'm on the anxiety medication which came from the doctor.

I trusted the site people to do what they say they do in their Terms of Service. They have no way of preventing people from making multiple accounts again and again. That is one feature that should be standard, in my opinion.

the nightmare I had last night went on and on. And there isn't much the doctors do for these things. I haven't had any luck with the doctors locally for some of my problems. The interns are kids from university that do the sessions and they aren't all that helpful. I guess I don't qualify for other types of doctors, and I can't afford it out of pocket.

Much like the rest of the world, I just stumble along.

Postperson implied she was a post whore and told her to find another thread. It was on Mature Aspies II.

They won't believe me either. I was the world's worst dater. I would get up after five minutes and walk out thinking it wouldn't work. I also stacked my dates. Dinner with Bob at 6 and movie with Joe at 8. Made perfect logical sense to me since I hated dating and wanted it over as quickly as possible. They were not amused.

An old boyfriend set me up with my husband. He actually had to go with me for the first three dates to make sure I stayed there. I didn't talk at all. In fact, the entire time I wrote while they talked. Finally, my future husband orders food, puts mine in front of me and says, Here. Eat this. That was it. He moved me in with him three weeks later and told me we were getting married 10 months later.

We just don't do things the normal way, but they still get done.

I think if they hear enough stories, they will start to relax.

Whoa! I need to get out into this website more. Didn't even realize that the other site was here (with the definition). I normally dart into the cafe and back out again. Which I have to do again.

I forgot to eat the sandwich that I came inside for a little while ago. My head now looks hilarious. My forehead is swollen out over my eyes - I look like one of those bulging forehead fish. I think I'll take advantage of this while I can - I'll grab an enormous tome, put my eyeglasses low on my nose (if they'll fit), and go down to Vanderbilt. Surely I can attract the attention of a smart woman with a head this enormous! (Now what was that pickup line again?....)

"No time for the ol' in-out, love. I've just come to read the meter! "

Chuck, I'm so sorry about your wasp strings. I would be in the hospital or dead from that many, my goodness. Get some medical attention, please!

Thank you so much, Blessedmom, for your thoughts. My aspies are crying and beside themselves. I don't know what to do for them.

Dating ! !! Blimey, is this a contest for who was the worst at dating????????
I did the same thing over and over, with no clue whatsoever. I finally asked an acquantance (this was back in uni) wot was wrong??? He patiently explained, I was taking the young ladies to restaurants that were TOO expensive, thus scaring them. I also had the ridiculous habit of commenting that I'd had a good time, and hoped to see them again. This was apparently VERBOTEN ! !! I don't know how many 'first dates' I had ! !! Never could tell if they were having a good time or not. Couldn't read their faces, of course.

So the big tip here is that we DO have to leave the house to meet someone, right?

I can't even stand doing that. I think maybe it will be different when I have my OWN place, rather than this apartment. I really don't like this apartment and would feel very self-conscious about having anyone over.

I want my own washer and dryer. There are things I would wash more often if I had my own in home appliances. It's so hard for me to get down to the laundry rooms. And it's so expensive.

Besides, I've had things stolen from there, so I have to be there the whole time. It just seems like a waste of time to stand there while the clothing or bedding is being dried. Guard the laundry!

I thought it would be better to talk to people online and maybe go from there. But that's been a bust for the most part. Because I still don't want to leave the house. And most of the people in my age group are married already.

There are some that are divorced. And some that are really weird. Like some of the creepy guys on the other site. Read the profile, and they sound good. Read some of their posts, and they make me look "normal".

Chuck, as it's an allergic reaction, an antihistamine should help. I end up needing those for mosquito bites, as I'll scratch myself silly, practically to the bone.

Prof., I've always had a problem with money. I don't like it when guys have a lot of it, and they splurge, especially on restaurants. There was a time when I could cook relatively well. And I would taste something at the restaurant and be able to duplicate it at home. Or tried to in some cases.

The thought of cooking now both sounds interesting and daunting. It's so much work. But I was married then, and it was something to do.

I thought Susie was making brownies? Can I lick the spoon? I just like the batter, I don't like the finished product.

It can be very distressing for the families of people with AS, True. Sometimes the younguns get carried away because they are hurt.

You guys mean the world to me!

Serious Girl: You are saying that families are upset that Aspies come to this site?

Or that families get upset in general if there is an Aspie in the family and it has nothing to do with this site?

(there I go reading several different definitions into what was said)

Families get upset over all kinds of things. Regardless of an Aspie in the family. Or what sites people visit.

That's what's on the cover of many magazines and newspapers. Someone's family problems. Celebrities or politicians and family problems.

The young ones you are speaking of, they are Aspies or non-aspies? And are on this site or not on this site? Who is getting carried away? Where? It's because they are hurt, but by what? Who?

True, the younguns can be pretty radical about their loathing of NTs and it makes some of the NT family members feel uncomfortable. All the kill the NTs and stuff is somewhat alarming. You need to spend more time in places like the Haven. Pretty depressing.

My dh says that all AS men need a loving, bossy, domineering, naggy woman to find them and take them home. Should I be insulted now? Just because I quietly placed myself in his path every day for a month and then initiated all conversation up until I asked him out doesn't make me domineering. And just because I asked him if I needed to hit him with a big stick to get him to know that I liked him doesn't make me mean and bossy. AND just because I make sure he shaves and doesn't wear the same clothes for a week doesn't make me a nag.
All kidding aside, it drives me crazy when I hear women talk about how they won't date this guy or that guy because of money or looks or whatever. I don't think the younger people should give up hope. I think they just need to stop trying so hard and live their lives and pursue their own interests. There are people like the spouses on here who just seem to find you when you least suspect it!

i believe it to be the style of this thread

welcome to wrongplanet!