The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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No, Blessedmom, I'm sure your DH is blessed as well. That is exactly what he does need.

I wish mine would talk more. Maybe I need a wife?

If you drop by some of the other forums on this site, you'll read about how ASpie guys say they won't date 'girly girls' because they're too NT, or whatever...
Young people don't seem to understand that limiting yourself to a certain 'type' of date-able person cuts way down your chances of finding someone eligible.

I have spent some time reading other threads and the motherly side of me wants to reach into the computer and give those poor mis-guided young people a hug ( or a smack upside the head if that would help). But they won't listen to us old geezers, anyway. (No offense! I don't think any of us are old geezers.)

Up until sept 2006, when i received dx, I had given up on most things in life. The notion that I would ever meet anyone again, to share lifes joys, and difficulties, had vanished. I still find it hard to believe that it will, but I am slightly more open to it.

About 4 weeks ago I met a woman I was at uni with. Hadn't seen her for a few years. We went for coffee, chatted and got on well. She's single. Me too, obviously. "Definitely phone me" she said as she gave me her number and we parted. Did I? nope. Will I? nope.
I honestly don't feel in any position to be with someone right now, as much as I feel that kind of void. I've got together with women in the past, to fulfil needs, mutually, emotional as well as physical, only for us to end doing each other harm. Never physical you understand.
I do feel happy(ish) in the knowledge that if I do enter a relationship again, it's because I waited for when I felt it was right, and I was in a healthier position to do so.


AAaaaargh!....stupid ramble?

Hi lemon good to know i got some style lol

and thanks for the welcome

yes! i managed to work the qoute thing

Last edited by Mescalero on 30 Apr 2007, 3:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

There is nothing to say you can't be just friends with her. I have plenty of guy friends. Call her and go into this with no expectations. Be up front about where you have fallen down in the past. As her to do the same. Make a pact that you will each guard the other against making the same errors again. That is a friendship bond and it will help you if anything develops.

Also, forgive yourself. Things progress how they are meant to progress. We are not meant to be with every person we meet. I certainly wasn't. I doubt I could be with anyone else but my husband. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy friendships. Those relationships are good for me. When I can't face things, they tell me. That never hurt anyone. Besides, it's nice to talk about some things with people, just not chit chat and just not all the time.

Serious Girl: Thanks for the explanation! I have popped into The Haven. I guess I didn't catch those posts. I did post something the other day and later edited it out, because it was kind of weird. The way people were reacting to each other. I'm going to have to read more before posting there a lot. New Aspie on the block here, so I have to learn some new ways, I guess, or at least understand new issues.

It's kind of funny, maybe I was lucky in not knowing there were others like me until I was old enough to appreciate it. I never wanted to "kill the NTs". I just limped along and did the best I could. Figured out early on that I was "different" in some way, but I had no label.

I had the "smart" label. But not the Aspie one. So I was able to be weird or odd or eccentric because I was smart. And no, I never considered "killing all the not-as-smart-as-me" people either. I just tried my best to get along or get out of the way.

I don't use what I have as a weapon. I use it as an equalizer. A way of bridging gaps instead of creating them or widening them. At least that is my intention.

Blessed Mom, I didn't mean that I WOULDN'T date someone who had money, it just kind of bothers me. In an Aspie way. In that these things shouldn't cost so much. And not liking the trendy aspect of material objects or places. As in: "If you're ANYONE important, you will wear/drive/eat/look like this".

Well, I don't wear that, drive that, eat that, or look like that. Yes, I did try to buy into that for awhile when I was younger. I looked to the magazines for life instructions. And I tried to follow those instructions. But I didn't FEEL it inside, I didn't FEEL like a better person from what I was wearing or looking like or driving. I felt like me.

I would pick up on what other's perceptions were... Primarily because they would say something. If one is complemented, one must be fitting the current appeal (or someone is teasing). Insults, the opposite. But that was all based on exterior, it had nothing to do with me. Inner me.

I do agree, live life, pursue one's own interests. Doing so will necessarily have one interacting with people who like the same things. It's just we might have to remind ourselves that we like books AND might want to partner up. So we might have to pay more attention to who is around when we are at the library or the bookstore. Hopefully the NTs are paying attention anyway. LOL!

I would need someone like your dh mentions. Someone would have to place themselves directly in my path and ask me out. I would probably walk around them and be somewhat annoyed. It's a bit different because I might get scared too, if some guy stood in my path repeatedly, as I have been stalked in real life.

It took me a long time to realize it too, because I didn't remember the guy's face. It would be the same for a guy who wanted to date me. I wouldn't recognize him. I walked by a guy I had been living with at the time, when we went to some concert and I came out of the bathroom. No one looked familiar. He had to get in my face for me to realize who he was.

I have to go someplace today. Be back later. Have a good one, everyone.

1. I absolutely refuse to date any woman with a head as big as mine! (We'd never fit into a car.)
2. I refuse to date ANYONE who would date me. (You have to have standards you know).
3. And...she could not also be absolutely clueless, or we would never clue in all. One of us would have to have a least one clue. Which by default would have to be her.
4. She would have to meet the approval of the majority of all Dino-cafe members, mine being the deciding vote in case of a tie.
5. She would have to be at least half as normal as 2/3 of our members, and twice as abnormal as 4/5ths of the remaining third.
6. Other restrictions apply, according to federal, state, and local law.

Serious,
Is your husband Aspie? Or is he just being a man? (I'm sure that will offend someone!) I just mean that emotion is not something that is nurtured or accepted in men. My NT son is the most emotional, empathetic soul I have ever met, and he seems to get picked on just as much as my Aspie sons. He will make some lucky lady the most awesome husband, but he is a rare breed.
As for having a wife I have occasionally thought the same thing but I was raised around all boys (no sisters, no girl cousins, few female friends) and I really don't think I could handle most NT women. They can be so jealous, and hysterical and OVERLY emotional.

Your milage may vary...

You're funny!

I thinks it is healthy and wise to not get into a relationship knowing you have work to do on yourself. But I agree with Zanne - call her anyway! You got on well the first time - you'll probably be lifelong friends. I have several women friends - some friendships that have lasted 30 years. We have the best time! Hope you will too!

why not just say what you think and be gentle, i think it's a lot of help for young people to be understood by those who have lived the same (or a variation of it) and have found a personal way to solve things
i had a terrible youth, and whenever i can encourage one of the young people of whom i recognise my own seeking of 20 years ago i do it.
whether they appreciate it, don't know, i don't always seek to get appreciated.
maybe a clear non-emotional view can be enlightning for some, i would have been delighted if some of my issues would have been put in a clearer light.
(3 times light ! have i won a candle now?)

but just going on a search for the sake of helping people is no good either,
it's almost like begging for attention (by which i don't mean that is what you doing, i'm reflecting on possible behaviours)
only if a subject really touches, one is able to keep it a little interesting i suppose

hm i feel a little boring all of a sudden

sometimes the subjects are more interesting than other times,
if i had more time, i'd take a look in the 'writing' section

hm, wonder what she looks like

[quote="ZanneMarie"]There is nothing to say you can't be just friends with her. I have plenty of guy friends. Call her and go into this with no expectations. Be up front about where you have fallen down in the past. As her to do the same. Make a pact that you will each guard the other against making the same errors again. That is a friendship bond and it will help you if anything develops. [quote]

I know for a fact I could never have that conversation. Ifter all I'm only a man lol

Part of me would like to phone. Confidence comes and goes on a daily basis.

He's a NQ, I guess. Very introverted and quiet, but not an aspie. I believe he has contributed traits to our children. We have one that is a super-aspie.

He has health problems and is very depressed right now. I feel so sorry that the whole thing happened.