The Married Aspie Cafe Thread (discussion of marriage, etc.)

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About your change in emotions towards your spouse.(pardon me for regressing into psycho babble but babble is my specialty).

I have emotions for people that I can turn off like a light switch.It is protective mechanism and has served me well.Sometimes,a year latter,they will resurface to bite me in the ass,but at a time I may better able to deal with the cognitive discidence...loving and hating,pity and loathing...it's a mixed bag.I dont know if it AS,being abandoned at 2 and again at 16,or being a Scorpio.....but I can be one mean b**ch to cross.I dont get angry or revenge...I get indifferent and what could be more brutal to someone you used to have a relationship with?There is a part of me that is a "survivor at all cost" and I see it in you as well.

The most complicatd thing is.....what if tomorrow he wakes from his self-impossed stupor and realizes that the problem is ...HIM.
He may have an epiphany and decide he needs to get help for his own issues.For me it is to late.Once I have entered the realm of "indifference",I cant seem to turn around and start caring again....it's simply to complicated(maybe part of the black and white thing?)What I dont want you to do....is feel that if he does take this step and you do have a change of heart,that you have burned all the bridges back or feel you have to avoid US because we might think you buckeled(I only mention this because I have gone through "seperation counseling with a female friend and then felt I have to avoid her after returning to the guy,out of embarassment,I guess).

I know everyone here will support whatever decission you make(as long as it involves getting a lawyer for all legal decissions...lol...thats a given).I still think you need to seperate all the finances...just in case.I never understood peoples trust to combine resources any more then I understood their ability to have a faith in God...Faith,not my forte'.This is a very stressful time.I hope you are checking of ALL nonessential errands to allow yourself time to nurture yourself.(I know sounds hokey,but I swear it is essential when you work with a "self" that will work until it breaks down...ie...excepting no limits.)

My one and only"psychotic break" occured when I allowed my "out-put" to exceep my "in-put"....my computer just froze,felt nice to shut down,but I would have died if someone hadnt interveened.If you have family and friends...now is the time to ask for help with anything.People actually want to and it is good for their Karma....so let them.(One of the hardest things I had to learn).If you cant make yourself do it for yourself....do it for your kids....they need you and others can help with some of the details of life.

I hope this hasnt been to "feely" but I am an ASer who has been through some [email protected] may lack ToM for people who are going through "trials and tribulations" I cant relate to(like losing their favorite nail salon worker... )but I have been through more break-ups then I care to admit and it is never easy,even if it is the right thing to do(which I never know FOR SURE,without hindesite).

Help will come from the strangest sources, SG. Mine was a 65 year old woman I took a chance and hired. She was a rock. I could tell her absolutely anything and she was solid and went through it with me. She had gone through what I had in the early 60's as it turned out. She also had no kids. Her husband also flipped his lid. I thought I had nothing in common with her but I will tell you, I couldn't have been more wrong. She was the best person to have in a crisis. We are still friends.

Here's what I know about being a friend to either a man or woman (true for being a sister or aunt as well). When they go through a breakup, you love the ex when they love them and hate them when they hate them. You don't have to understand or approve. You just have to be there. (Maybe not as a crutch, but be there)

I hope Serious drops by to let us know how she's doing ....

I was thinking about her this morning! Has anyone heard any anything from her?

Yes, she's not posted since last Thursday. I hope she's OK.

Yes, I'm getting worried.

Oh my, Zanne! I thought you would have heard if anyone! Someone new to worry about!!

I'll leave a PM. I think I know what's going on, but best to be sure.

If she made the move to the new place, could be just a minute before her net connection. Don't know her area, so some easier and faster then others. Fingers crossed here.

I hope she returns soon. I miss her ....

I miss her, too, Prof!

Makes me worry, all the trobles she's going through ...

Tomorrow is my sixteenth anniversary

Happy Anniversary!

I've been called "Ice Queen" more times than I can count. Or other things with "Ice" in them. So I'm not all warm and fuzzy, whats wrong with that? I'm incredibly analytical. Analyzing stuff is my most favorite thing. I actually like cataloging... (Library Science). My DH is also a thinker sort. Computer guy. Likes to read nonfiction only. That sort of thing, but he is NT, so I'm trying to work on being more empathetic toward him and stuff he goes through like depression (sometimes I can be too matter of fact about stuff when I guess an emotional response would be better). Of course he is still getting used to being married to a woman who really does just say what she means and means what she says. I keep telling him that if I sigh its because I felt like sighing and not to be paranoid and that if I get mad I'll let him know and then I'll tell him exactly why I am mad and how he can make it better. Sometimes he doesn't quite seem to believe its as simple as that, but he's comming around to it. We've only been married about a year.

Happy anniversary.