so my counselor says i don't have aspergers...

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so is our condition only predicated on what we are not like and when we become more like we are not, then we don't have our condition any more? Or is it that we have learned to limp and hobble along on our own and after all. . .what more can we expect?

or did I read you wrong?

Yep, had same issue.
Was diagnosed with social anxiety, OCD, bipolar...anything but aspergers basically, in spite of girls who had known me at school and who are now in the health profession telling me they realised ages ago I had aspergers.

the reason the shrink gave for my not having aspergers?

1) He said aspergers people dont have a desire to make friends.
2) he said people with AS only have 1 or 2 interests, no more during their life.

LOL. I did point out I knew plenty of people with AS who wanted friends, but had issues establishing friendships etc.

I think Asperger's frequently causes situational depression. Aspies are much more likely to be in crummy situations that get them depressed, not to mention frequently lacking a decent support network.


That's flat-out crap. One of the biggest things that differentiates AS from classical autism is that aspies DO have the desire to make friends.. It's the ability that's lacking.

Maggiedoll, I agree that wanting friends does not exclude an AS diagnosis, but I have never heard that wanting friends makes someone aspie rather than HFA. What's your source?

Well, at least from what I recall (and I don't remember where I read this), it's not that it makes someone an aspie rather than HFA. It's not how a diagnosis is made. But it's a difference that tends to be seen.

That.. lol, I don't remember where it was, and I don't know if it's that that's actually the distinction between AS and HFA, because as far as I know, there is no consensus as to the difference between AS and HFA. (And aren't they eliminating names in the next DSM and making it an actual spectrum anyways?) I think it was more an observed behavior thing, just that most of the people traditionally diagnosed with autism didn't seek seek relationships, while they're only now observing that people towards the less severe end of the spectrum desire relationships but don't know how to form them. I think I meant more that the desire to make friends isn't seen as eliminating the possibility of an ASD anymore, where in the past it was.. but in that past, AS didn't exist (officially) anyway.

Same here; I've been diagnosed with "panic disorder", "general anxiety disorder", and one psychiatrist didn't want to say "general anxiety disorder", he insisted on saying "anxiety disorder that has become generalized", whatever the distinction is. The best one was the first therapist I ever went to in my early 20s, who said I was "OCD", but "without the Compulsions". So what, I'm just "OD"? True I get obsessive about things, and true I have anxiety about things, but when I pitched AS to my latest therapist, she tried to tie everything back to the Anxiety issues. The problem there is it seems to narrow, plus her justification that I didn't have AS was the way I held a conversation with her, made eye contact, and seemed "personable". I tend to believe these are all learned behaviors and are not innate, as there were many (many, many...) years growing up and in my teens where these things were nearly impossible for me. So then the flipside is when I discussed it with my psychiatrist. Her main question was "what was the point" of me wanting to know, citing the benefits for diagnosis in children, i.e. school services, etc., but that since there was no cure and no "benefit" for getting a diagnosis at my age, why was I even thinking about it. Well, the answer is I just like to know and understand, especially when it comes to my self. There is so much I don't understand about others, alittle clarity of understanding about "me" would go a long way, I think!

These guys that we need help, we function, but we function in a completely DIFFERENT way. It's like we're one brand of car and they're another. One part surly doesn't fit for all.

But once fixed, and runing nicely. Does a Aston Martin, Lexus and a BMWer, really matter? They both are shiny, esthetically pleasing, and some sexy college post grad drives them to school or the office. (Either Gender). They both keep the insurance guys very very happy. (This Metaphore is to state, that despite being different, Autistics still have a beautiful brain that can contribute to a beautiful Highway in a Beautiful city (life, humanity).

But that is if we can afford to drive these cars, if we can be utilized to our full potential. And being ignored by doctors and medical staff, how can we beautify the highways. Instead these NTs insist on driving smokey dented scratched up piece of S mobiles.

Well, jeezzzz. When I first told my sister that I had aspergers, she said "No, you don't. That's just an <xxxx> family thing"

These days, though, she knows it for what it is. She's married to another of us who doesn't know what it is, she has (like me) a father who doesn't know what it is, has a couple of children who may well belong in our camp, and another who may well be normal.

The really serious question, though, is - does knowing about it help? There are cases where knowing that I'm not completely mad, a misplaced alien, or subjected by god to endless trials has helped; but on the whole I did better in the world before I knew. Of course I was younger then, and there appeared to be an endless supply of people whose welcomes I could wear out.

The shrink I talk with now just points me at the next pile of rocks, and then when I've reduced them to gravel, points me at the next pile of rocks. I think he's just interested to see how long it takes before I pick up on his point, whatever it is.

My partner of the last couple of decades - really, I'd do anything to please her, but still manage to get it wrong too often for comfort. She's getting used to the idea of getting old, just as I am, and she still - amazingly - seems to like me. Once you start to hear old father time's boots on the staircase, the incentives for staying calm and holding on to what you can get a bit stronger. Knowing about it helps her put up with me, I think.

It depends on the context of your situation. Knowing for me has not helped any with being around my family except that they may use that as a complaint to something (usually dumb) that I'm not doing perfect enough. Sometimes it's so small or even worthless I don't know why they complain about it to begin with.

It has helped me network with other groups and find more like-minded individuals to myself or at least ones I can relate to more. I sometimes wonder though since I've been having a hard time fitting in with the 'in-crowd' it seems too.

I would get a new counselor, one who knew what she was talking about.

I stopped my therapy sessions because my psychologist who diagnosed me with Asperger's wanted to blame every single issue I had on my relationship with my mother and not because of my Aspergers. Who knew that Freud was making a comeback?

It got to the point that it was only when I argued with him about it that he would back down and say, "oh, I guess it could be because of your Asperger's". I felt like because on the surface I appeared to be coping - have a full time job, a long term relationship & live independently, my shrink didn't think that my Asperger's had any negative effects on me. Those therapy sessions were a complete waste of time.

Aspies can have friends and want friends, any counsellor who dont know this, dont know a thing about Aspies and if you think you have Asperger's you need to see someone who knows about it to diagnose you.

ive had friends at times through out my life.. usually only one or two friends at a time at the most (ive currently got two friends)... much of my life ive had no friends at all.

The friends i do make, they tend to either take on the form of my mentor (according to Tony Attwood? Aspie specialist, that is common in Aspies) or are my boyfriend.. or tend to be other Aspies (diagnosed or undiagnosed)..or are other very unpopulars which the norms shun. i've hardly in my 39 years of life had neurotypical friends..

i do find it very hard to make friends (thou people do like me) .. i cant seem to approach people to become friends as i hate small talk and dont know what to talk about and most convos bore me. I also cant seem to keep myself in contact to build a friendship up.

Someone here said you cant see Asperger's. i disagree a little with that..an Asperger's person would of displayed Aspie traits in childhood before they learned to hide them or to blend in. Also i do think most Aspies struggle to always appear neurotypical. Things like language, comprehension issues eg not getting jokes or understanding things wrong, facial expressions, and even Aspie clumbiness are all traits which others can notice and if they have an understanding of Asperger's will see. (of cause most who know nothing of Aspies will not really pick up on an aspie trait here and there but it will be hard to hide as an Aspie from someone who understands Asperger's).

i've found out i do all kinds of Aspie things i werent really aware i do... strange expressions, grimances, rock when upset, hair twirling which i thought i'd kept hidden from others but they knew.