Why did you marry?

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Interesting........it's possible that my partner is sometimes just doing a parent-child number on me. I've complained to her before that we rarely seem to get things on an adult-adult footing, that it's mostly parent-child or child-parent, which I've always seen as somehow slighly unhealthy.

Never been married myself. I never saw the appeal, though I have been asked several times to marry. I wasn't one of those little girls who fell for the mass media conditioning and who therefore spent her early days pining for a prince in a castle. So many marriages peter out into or end altogether in complete misery for one or more affected persons. Just not cool in my opinion. Life is hard enough. I did the committed, live-together relationship thing for about 8 years. I've found that I lose myself too easily when someone else is in the space. I can't sleep or relax and having another person around is the problem (even if they are the kindest, sweetest person). I prefer living alone so my routines can be there for me, undisturbed by unnecessary input.

SPOCK: Why did you marry her?

SAREK: At the time, it seemed the logical thing to do.

- Star Trek, "Journey To Babel"

(Hey, you knew somebody was going to quote this, right?)

This is a very interesting topic. I have been married for just over four years now and have a three year old daughter. I selected/married my wife because I could see she would make an excellent mother. My idea of marriage is solely practical, I am not really in too much need of emotional attachment and/or support except maybe (most definately) to be appreciated for my strengths. Also it should be taken into account that as a muslim my religion states that when you are financially secure enough and also mature enough you should marry. It was in many ways a box that needed to be ticked. Unfortunately the marriage has certainly had some rocky moments, my wife is a very emotionally needy imdividual and seems upset with me most days. I think I infuriate her because I am unable to meet her needs. I only felt ready to get married when I bought my house.

In 1999, my grandfather died and his live-in girlfriend of 10 years had no say in what went on at the hospital, nor claim to his insurance, nor his social security, or even any of his possessions. She really could have used the money, too. Half her income was gone and the benefits went to my grandmother, not the girlfriend. And his girlfriend wasn't even mentioned in the obituary.

My husband and I were engaged soon after. So, love wasn't the only reason we got married.

We've gotten even closer over the years. He's my best friend and he's taken care of me when I've been in bad, bad shape. And I've done the same for him. I don't know really what love is. I've been considering it for a long time - I think it's when someone else feels pain or happiness you feel it with them...I don't know. I don't understand it and i wonder if his emotions are more profound toward me. Or maybe I just can't articulate how I feel. Ugh! I get confused when I try to sort that out! Anyway, I just wouldn't be right without him. I care about him and don't want him to suffer, and want him to be successful, etc. Maybe love is these sort of altruistic feelings that generally or ideally we have for people but applied with more intensity at a particular person.

Either way, I think he's the hottest guy even after a total of more than 16 years together.

I think when we're old, if he goes first, it won't be much longer for me.

That's lovely. I wish I was married now.

i will one day be married in the near future to the love of my life

I want to be married one day but I don't want a huge wedding.

Huge weddings are strange. They always say that they want to live together forever while they are wasting the funds. I'm never sure if I should take the words seriously when the actions don't match.

While you are welcome to your own opinion about marriage for yourself, please don't make judgments about the rest of us. I am no one's property. Neither are any of the other married women I know. If you somehow can't get married without giving up being your own person, fine, but that doesn't make it true for the rest of us.

Now to answer the original question...

Companionship. To have someone to share my life with.

That's what I've always felt about extravagent, showy weddings......seems a strange time to "burn" such a huge amount of money. I guess it's all connected to the phenomenom of "resource display" which I've never understood. If I see somebody doing that, I just figure that they've got more money than sense, but it seems I'm supposed to admire them

Definitely agree!
And then the "traditions" that the media tries to enforce encourages spending as much as possible (on cheaply made, overpriced, hyped up crap) or else that "special" day is ruined.

Personally, I prefer just DIYing it. Cheaper, and more personality than the regular ol' Wedding Industrial Complex crap.
(Or, just eloping. That would be very nice too. )

I never had an expensive wedding because I always thought it was a huge waste of money that could be better spent buying a home or applied to some other sort of practical use. Both of my marriages were civil instead of religious.

My first marriage happened because I thought that's what I was suppose to do, get married, have children, buy a home... I have two beautiful children from that marriage but it ended badly because we weren't compatible.


My second marriage happened because I loved him. But he passed away when he was 42 and I was 35 years old.


Its been interesting reading the different comments and learning how other people feel about their relationships and marriages. Its made me actually think about marriage more than I have in years. After my second husband died, I have always said that I would never marry again. Now I am not so sure that I won't ever get married again. Reading your comments have made it an appealing possibility for me once more.

This is a wonderful post. Thanks for posting this topic LeagueGirl.

But of course you're in a position to judge the millions of people who feel perfectly fine about making the formal committment of marriage. Who are you trying to convince, anyway?

Getting married or not is a perfectly free choice, so I don't believe there's much point in either extolling its virtues or kicking it in the teeth. I do think that "why get married?" is one of those things where if you have to ask the question, you wouldn't understand the answer.