Different perspectives/theories on eye contact

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I'm pretty sure that eye contact transmits social hierarchy information. Power stuff. We aren't part of the hierarchy so it doesn't feel natural, but it's huge information so it's intense.

I am 39 and I still have trouble with it and I don't know how much eye contact is appropriate I either don't look at the person or I stare.

Here is a video I found about a month ago of a girl nicknamed E - gives a 10second eye contact hint, along with other social interaction hints.

I can't concentrate while making eye-contact, particularly if I need to listen to what the other person is saying to me. It's like I need to shut off the visual input in order to completely process the aural input. It's ok if the visual input is something neutral, like staring at the ground, but looking at a person's face is just too much visual information.

Pretty much this. I did not get this from any book. I got it from thinking about my own reaction.

One of two things happens: Either making eye contact causes me to feel like I'm invading their personal space and being intrusive and disrespectful (even though I know I'm not, I can't shake the feeling), or I get so wrapped up in what I'm saying that I forget to break eye contact, in which case I know I weird people out, so I'd rather play it safe and not look at them in the first place.

I can make myself do it right, but it never stops involving conscious thought to keep track of how long I've been looking/not looking. It's very hard to do that and think about what you are saying/doing in a conversation.

The explanation I give people who want to know is, "Imagine you had to think about breathing." Or I make jokes like, "I really can't walk and chew gum at the same time." Sometimes this helps. More often, they still can't wrap their brains around it, or it just makes them think I must be too stupid to handle anything.

Yep, me too. I find that the moment I look them in the eyes the voice in my head starts talking, which means it's overwriting what the other person is saying and the images their words conjure in my head (if I'm trying to listen to them) or it's overwriting what I was thinking and picturing and trying to express (if I'm trying to talk).

Shy people don't make eye contact. If you are nice and kind, eye contact should not be important. Eyes are not a "window to the soul", that is just a cliche. Actually, eye contact gives people a feeling of control.

Predatory animals will often lock into eye contact with their prey in order to paralyze the prey with fear before pouncing.

A traditional Japanese greeting is a head nod with a downward glance, hands at the side, in contrast to the more agressive eye-lock and handshake. It is submisive and polite and puts people at ease.

just be yourself & do your thing and rock at it ! !

at YOUR age, others should be accepting of you, and outside the boundaries of being polite and respectful; you shouldnt have to resort to EXTRA effort to get them to welcome you as you are

ps : i'm not a look-away-er ( as you put it ), i'm a starer and always have been...and NT's have been dissing on me for as long as i can remember about it. dont make anyone uncomfortable if you can help it; but dont allow them to make YOU feel like your in the wrong either ! !! !
find a happy medium; even if its the occasional "forced glance" when you really feel like looking away; or the occasional "eye-aversion" when you find yourself coming on too strong. seek out those you trust and share this problem w/ them and ask for their feedback....and put it into practice accordingly. good luck !

Smiling, or any sort of display of the teeth, is also a threat display in the wild. Although I don't have any atypical response to smiling ... it seems nice to me. But still, its interesting.

Interestingly, smiling is closely related to a fear response in humans. Just watch people on a super-fast rollercoaster ride, whizzing down a steep section of track, and they'll often intermittently pull their lips back and show their teeth in an unconscious and rather gruesome 'smile'.

But on eye contact: I found it physically painful as a child and enormously difficult as a young woman. I've now trained myself to do it whilst I'm listening to someone (although I have to keep looking away, otherwise I miss some of what they say), but I still can't do it whilst I'm speaking myself. I just completely forget what I'm saying and tail off into a helpless silence – I don't think I'll ever learn to look at someone and speak at the same time!

I usually AM smiling as I go down a steep section of a roller coaster.