Appears socially successful but has aspergers?

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Oh, yes, definitely, it makes things easier. What I meant was the "social" aspect. It doesn't contribute much to getting something out of a social conversation in terms of enjoyment or whatever it is that makes others seek out social gatherings - at least that is my impression.
If the people around me are not my closest friends I don't have the feeling I get any positive... erm... energy... or so, out of an interaction. How some people can apparently even relax and unwind at a party is a total mystery to me.

Oh, yes ... exactly the same experience here

I'm OK at small talk but usually just for a few minutes, if that. It's just too exhausting usually. It helps a lot if the other person is very socially adept, because they know how to lead the conversation. I get input coming from the other person/s and then don't know what to do with it.

I've taken lots of classes on social interaction and interpersonal relationships and sociology and cultural anthropology but often I forget what I've learned when I'm in the moment.

On a positive note, yesterday I did an entire conversation with the clerk at the grocery store! And it was all completely "small talk" conversation, too! I even think it's what you would consider flirting. When I was a teenager my mom offered me $100 to flirt with someone and I never did it because it seemed so absurd and unnatural a thing to do.

It is frustrating that I can appear so socially normal when it's such an internal struggle. I did it so well though that no authoritative figures in my life saw red flags growing up (except for my mom who dismissed them, but she had blinders on because I was her "perfect child").

I'm reminded of kindergarten. My kindergarten teacher gave my mom three or four "see spot run" early-reader books because she said I couldn't read and was going to fall behind. It surprised my mom because at home I was already reading things like The Secret Garden. I didn't realize that I was supposed to be reading out loud like the other kids were apparently doing, but for me once I realized that there were a lot of social things I was missing, I knew to be on the lookout for signs that I was missing things.

It's impossible to catch all of those subtle things, but it's enough to avoid some of the potential negative attention.

Yes, it's possible

I do alright, although Asperger's is new to me. I was diagnosed about 4 weeks after I found out what it was, earlier this year.
I used to view most people as boring s**t talking nusiances... and I still do. I don't see AS as a burden at all and can buy and sell most 'normalz' in social situations. I'm glad of a late diagnosis, maybe I might have indulged myself and 'given in' if I found out earlier. I did see myself as different, just not in a negative way.

Have you ever questioned your diagnosis seeing as you always did so well without it?

I don't question it because I have been forced to learn everything I know. The more I understand about AS, the more things in my life and in my past, make sense.

I'm curious why you asked this question. Why is "did so well" being equated with questioning one's diagnosis?

well I question my diagnosis and Ive never worked or had friends so I thought someone such as he who has worked had relationships and friendships must be bound to question it.

It's interesting how this ties back in with the original post of this thread. People can learn to adjust and learn to fit in, yet still know that there's most definitely something different inside that doesn't fit with everything else. No matter how much I correctly fit in with a group, I have always been on the outside looking in. Analyzing social groups well enough that I could chameleonize* myself didn't get rid of the ongoing idea that I felt like I was being a chameleon to begin with. I fantasized that I must have been the only chameleon-like person in the world, and I was so good at it no one would ever detect me - until someone finally called me on it and called me a sociopath for how I was "manipulating people into liking me." It seriously hurt that all that trying to fit in was viewed as me being a manipulative ... well, my detractor has called me all sorts of names. I personally didn't seek psychological help, but mostly because I know what I did wrong. I didn't need someone else to psychoanalyze me. I didn't disagree with being called out on it, but I couldn't quite wrap my brain around why I had been doing this my whole life in the first place. I spent the better part of a year researching myself in a very brutally honest way, and reading anything and everything I could get my hands on regarding social interactions until I finally came across The Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships, and I started crying while reading the first two chapters.

There came a point when I needed to find myself. Perhaps if I went straight to a psychologist and got professionally diagnosed prior to all of my own research I might question it, as another person in the forums I've been posting with has been doing. As it is, though, I don't question that I have found myself, and that's perhaps the most important aspect of it for me. I've gone my whole life questioning what I was doing and why, but because of the positive results I never thought all that deeply on it. I've always had friends and boyfriends and good jobs - what was there to really question? Now I have answers that make sense. Now I feel like I can be myself, because now I know who myself really is. (Now I might actually be able to keep a boyfriend for the right reasons. ) To me, (self-) diagnosis was about finding myself and having answers.

I imagine the next question would be, "Could this be another chameleon mask that I've learned to wear?" I won't deny that that could be a possibility, but I see that as such a ridiculously slim possibility I can't even fathom it. At no other time before did I ever feel 100% comfortable in my own skin, no matter which group I was interacting with. The only time I felt comfortable was when I was home, alone, and not plotting and planning and worrying about what other people were thinking of me. For once, all of that has mostly disappeared. The voices in my head constantly calculating how to be and how to act are finally starting to abate. Every so often I question it, but then I find that I'm only questioning it because other people don't want to believe it and want to make me feel bad for it. Not all of my friends are like this, and I've found that it's only a couple people that I really need to get away from due to their own negativity and personal issues.

*Yeah, yeah. Not a real word. Suck it, online dictionary, I'm using it anyway.

Last edited by NicoleG on 21 May 2012, 11:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well said, NicoleG. I don't care how well I've managed up to this point in my life, it doesn't change how well I relate to the cognitive processing that goes on with someone who has Asperger's, and how much more sense things make when I view myself in that light. I haven't been formally diagnosed yet (I need to find an autism/Asperger specialist) so I have for the past few weeks been almost constantly pondering about Asperger's and whether I'm right or wrong, but for almost every thought of doubt I have, I seem to be able to counter it and/or find greater evidence supporting a positive diagnosis.

The same applies to me. And Nicole has put it better than I could.

I can only agree.
Before learning about AS I sometimes wondered if I am sociopathic because I felt like everyone else was different and I could watch myself manipulating people like Nicole described - but I am not indifferent or without remorse or fixated on my own gain so that left me at a loss.
I don't think any psychological diagnosis ever fits all stereotypical symptoms, especially if does not have an associated phenotype, like down syndrome, for instance.
Unlike physical afflictions it issually it is more a diagnosis of best fit - and for me, at least, it fits rather well; not perfectly, but better than anything else and good enough to make sense to me.

As an aside, JanuaryMan, I love your icon. The colors in it are quite awesome. Is that a picture you made?

Because of how how verbally attacking this woman was calling me a sociopath, I couldn't help but start my research there. The remorse was what stood out as a glaring red flag that I couldn't be sociopathic. I've since learned that my emotions run hot or cold, and when they are cold it's very similar to alexithymia, so I can logically understand feeling indifferent (isn't that an oxymoron - 'feeling indifferent'?), but I do still care and quite deeply.

I wouldn't be surprised if there is a high correlation (not to be confused with causation) between sociopathy and alexithymia and autism. I'd really like to get the courage to send a message to Mr. Fallon here asking if he could test that theory.

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