Advantages from late diagnosis?

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I would have loved to have been diagnosed as a child but it wasn't an option. I've always felt I need a rule book for life, and have spent many years in search of this Holy Grail.

The negatives have been what we all know: lots of confusion, rejection, and stress over the confusion and rejection.

The main positive is that my diagnosis has helped me feel more at peace and more able to deal with the daily stresses.

I'm pretty sure I love being an Aspie--it makes me feel comfortable, just like my soft flannel shirts.

I cried for you and me both reading this, Dreamslost. It reminded me of something evil I had forgotten - getting hit by a teacher for pulling the wrong face while she was telling me off for something in front of the whole class. It was the face I was pulling while trying not to cry, but I didn't know then. Nor did it cross my mind to tell anyone about this wrongdoing of hers. Always shouldered the blame, even though a mystery.

After the !eureka! of discovering Asperger's information, I was comfortable for a while. All those myriad troublesome weirdnesses were, after all, a cluster, not a cacophony. In 2011, it became a single, coherent explanation for all those mystifying differences over a lifetime. I had no need of a diagnosis, having made sense of things.

But now I think otherwise. I shared information with two friends who have since abused trust and slung it back in my face, cruelly pretending I was using Asperger's as a shield, an exemption for 'bad' behaviour. One friendship, lifelong, is no longer. The other is a would-be lover, with whom it's complicated and unresolved. What was meant to help them understand what I was dealing with became the catalyst for them to express just how deeply angry they felt towards me, at a chronic level. It makes me sick to my stomach just recounting that, but I have to accept the truth of it.

That is why I now think a diagnosis will help me. I wish to have restored to me that sense of certainty that has been disturbed by these adverse responses. I have to become my own point of stability, since other people turn out to be shifting sands. I think a diagnosis - whichever way it goes, for there is no certainty that AS will be the result - will help me become my own anchor.

Would it have helped earlier? I just don't know. I know I have developed resourcefulness and resilience without having a diagnosis to lean on/ hide behind. But the complete lack of support/ help/ constancy in relationships has made me a tough old bird, and could have killed me. So many risks. So much depression. I am sure the constant trial and effort and blame and guilt has impeded healthy emotional development in a million ways. But if I'd grown up 'softer', would that have improved the outcome, made me more interesting, confident, cheeky (more than now - maybe too much so)? Or would it have made me limp and indecisive - a victim? Impossible to know.

In the end, I reckon I subscribe to the idea that, before diagnoses existed for everything, there was a wide range of characters and personalities that made up a village of mutually-interdependent individuals. The likes of you and I wouldn't have been labelled 'mad' - that would have been saved for the real oddballs, and life for them wouldn't have been too much fun, I guess. But for the rest of us, that's the way I still wish the world was, I guess. Permissive of variety. But it ain't. Perhaps it never was, only in storybooks. Anyway, that is the world that, in my strong times, I do my bit to encourage and promote.

It's fairly obvious that finding out too late is destined to be a negative sort of experience measured over a while. Somewhere along the line, the young autistics who've had good support through their learning and socialisation growth make a future where being autistic is OK. Somewhere along that line us twisted fossils will have found enough support, coaching, mentoring to get a bit closer to where they'll be. Perhaps I'm too optimistic...

Sorry, I've been too lazy to read the other threads, but I'm up late and want to give you my two pennies worth!

Initally, after diagnosis, elation in a non dramatic 'I kinda knew' sort of way..........life goes on and whether you decide to tell people or not, I don't think it matters; the only people who know in my life are my family, my boss and one friend who decided (without my consent) to tell other people; and none of them understand what or how my head works! And I suppose why should or how could they?

The only person who has treated me differently is my boss, who has made changes to my working life which means it's less stressful for me; the reason for that is probably their ties towards equal opportunities and their legal obligations.............cynical, yes!

The only person I thought it was important to go through the diagnosis for, was me; and in many respects that is true.

I've made MASSIVE changes over the last 3 years (and I can ONLY attribute that to my diagnosis), however those changes are psychological changes that manifested as a result of years of not really coping, adapting or progressing: because the world doesn't just say, "hey, now I know what's wrong with you, I'll make these changes in people, places, things just so your life is easier"........doesn't happen.
So I've overcome some of those psychological problems but I'm still not coping, still struggling to adapt and haven't progressed in 10 years.

Yes it's an advantage to have a diagnosis; you realise why things bug you, why you can't talk to people, why you can't do some things, why you need 'away time' etc why those things don't bother other people..............I felt like a freak before but now I actually know. at least I have 'the diagnosis' to deflect any negativity thrown at me even though I keep it to myself.

But don't expect the world to change for you, it won't; life goes on, people care for a bit and then................

I wasn't diagnosed late but I wasn't ever treated.

Having to learn body language and the subtleties of human behavior from scratch, I pay attention to details that others don't seem to, so if I'm tuned in, I can pick up on certain things far before I can even explain them -- dishonesty, ulterior motives, feelings, etc. That said, I'm still pleasantly naive when not 'tuned in.' I'm actually very grateful for both of those qualities. My naivety is like this beautiful tap into my childhood purity and the ability to see things coming when I'm tuned into them saves me from the pain that I used to often experience socially. Though my hypersensitivity can be troublesome at times, I've taught myself my own skills for adjusting to it, so, many times I can enjoy things just as others do (albeit, with the aid of some trusty ear plugs -- thank goodness for those!). I still have a lot of difficulty getting my mind back into things when there's a lot of noise or people around me, but I'm still a work in progress and happily explore new ways to adjust, as often as I can. I've tried to gear all of my 'symptoms' towards my benefit as much as possible and found it an enlightening experience -- what might seem like part of a diagnosis can be so beneficial when put in the right way! I'm thankful for how far I've gotten without any formal help for this specific "disorder." There are days when some symptoms make themselves into an inconvenience and it can still be quite hard at times, but at the end of the day, I love the good qualities I've also gotten with this package and wouldn't change it for anything.

I learned from this whole experience that a diagnosis isn't written in your DNA, it's a doctor's suggestion -- especially when it comes to psychology. I couldn't be happier that I wasn't raised or treated to see those "walls." I've never had anyone see me as "autistic" and while I don't like being mistaken for NT (no offense, it's just not who I am), it is nice to be able to move through the NT world with fewer bumps than ever before. I'm confident that I couldn't have accomplished this if things happened another way.

P.S. -- I noticed some people mentioned things about telling others, so I thought I'd add my experience on that... I've told family and friends and girlfriends and gotten everything from "no you're not like that at all" to the considerably less desirable [i]"yay! now I have a reason to judge and hate you and treat you like a freak!" I've actually gotten to the point where I've discovered that most of the labels people would readily apply to me actually don't fit at all, for one reason or another and so I don't mention them unless they come up. Don't get me wrong, I love who I am and that is precisely why I don't like labels that make people think I'm something I'm not. I'd much rather have them see me for who I am and who I'm proud to be as opposed to what their ignorance imposes on various labels. I know everyone probably has their own way of approaching things, but that's just mine.

Reading both of your experiences...it reminded me so much of my own. It's true that it never goes away. Having something further away in time just means it's not as present in the current moment, it doesn't mean it's gone. After all, terrible is still terrible even after time's gone by...simply waiting doesn't make a terrible thing suddenly become good.

For me it was my father. He used to constantly verbally abuse me and call me cruel and evil, he'd tell my brother over and over again that I tried to kill him when he was a helpless infant (not true at all), and would send me to my room if I dared defend myself. I spent most of my childhood confined to my bedroom as punishment for trying to protect myself. Even now, my brother seems to feel entitled to hurt me and goes around telling everyone that I'm cruel and tried to kill him as a child -- which is strange and uncomfortable beyond anything when I end up finally meeting them.

It's truly incomprehensible how people can bully others and somehow successfully convince themselves that it's justified -- especially when it's targeted at defenseless children. I'll never understand it.