Household chores and executive functions

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Discovered that when I dealt with my anxiety (clonazepam) the household challenges just vanished. Worked for me!

Back when I was a new mom, I used to use flylady.net to help me keep track of cleaning -- she breaks it all down and you're essentially assigned chores every day. It takes about 45 minutes a day or so, but if you actually stick with her lists, your house/apt gets clean and stays clean. And organized. She throws a lot of Jesus around at the same time, which annoyed me, but she really knew what she was talking about with the cleaning.

I feel so fortunate that my Mom exposed me to various household chores when I was growing up (including shopping, preparing simple meals, doing dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc.). Otherwise, I would likely end up like my Dad (who I suspect is also on the spectrum) who never learned how and 100% relied on my Mom.

Once I allow my home to grow beyond a certain level of disorder, I am done for. I can keep it clean until it gets too messy, then my own home inflicts a form of sensory overload on me, and I just can't make any headway.

You describe that stage so well.

I'm autistic and I tend to be messy, but I always WANT my place to be very clean and with simple, minimalist lines that won't confuse my eyes.

I find that it is MUCH easier to keep my place clean if I don't have very much stuff! I have done several "purges" - and it does take several - in which, instead of picking out things to get rid of, I pick out things to keep. Like if my sock drawer is too full, I pull out my favorite socks, the ones that are in good condition and enough to last me a week or two, and throw all the rest out.

Then I got a lot of those plastic stackable drawers from the department store, and I have a drawer for everything of a particular function. I have a video games drawer, a computer stuff drawer, a health and beauty drawer, a crafts drawer, cleaning supplies drawer, etc. If you are lucky enough to be able to afford real furniture, even better :) i can't, but the plastic drawers are cool too b/c they fit under tables and in little corners that are otherwise wasted space. And you can draw all over them in permanent marker if you want XD

The only thing is to be careful not to have "whatever" drawer - it will just get full of everything and you won't be able to find any of it and you'll need a second (and a third, etc) "whatever drawer" until everything you own is in random drawers, which has happened to me before x__x so, label the drawers if you have to.

Hope that helps :/

What I do is I find a place for everything- generally when I unpack after I move into a new place, but you could start now and just have a day or several days with it all broken up into easy chunks where you find places for things. Sometimes this requires me buying things like a key rack to hang by the door or a bookshelf or a shoe rack or I also have two plastic three-drawer containers I keep in my closet- things like that.

Then, I make sure I put everything in it's place when I am done with it/them (keys go right onto the key rack as soon as I walk in the door, etc). I clean off the coffee table or other areas where things might get placed during the day every night before bed so nothing will pile up into a big mess.

I do the dishes as I go- just rinse them off and pop them in the dishwasher as they become dirty. Then, when the dishwasher is full, I just put soap in and turn it on. After it is done washing, I try to unload it as soon as possible so there isn't much time for dishes to pile up in the sink. I always wipe down the counters and clean up the kitchen after I cook so that no mess builds up.

For other things like sweeping, mopping, laundry, cleaning the tub/bathroom, etc., I write it down into my daily schedule. I always make a schedule of anything I need to do each day, prioritized with what I should do first, second, and so on. I try to consider how much I will comfortably be able to get done each day and make it all even. A lot of the time I write down unloading the dishwasher into my schedule as well.

And for buying groceries, I keep a list in a specific place (on my sewing desk, but hanging on the fridge would also work or somewhere else easy for you to get to from the kitchen) and I write down immediately on the list any item(s) that I realize I need or will need soon. Then when it is time for me to go to the grocery store, I just double-check that there isn't anything else I need and I hit the road.

Once this stuff becomes habit, it is much easier to do.

I'm just not very good at household chores. My wife always goes over what I've done.

It does have something to do with my "executive function" deficit.

you are fortunate to have a loving wife who is willing to do that for you.

When I find my mind wandering, my thoughts getting away, or I'm just day dreaming then I will work on whatever mess is in the room I happen to be standing in. Doing something with my hands while thinking random thoughts helps me to feel as if I have actually done something during the day that needs to be done. Otherwise my house looks as if I have wasted the day doing nothing even though I have really been accomplishing things in my head.

I usually go the kitchen first. If there are so many dishes piled up that there is no more room on the counter to put anything then I will first load the dishwasher, put soap in it and start it. I will hand wash whatever cannot fit in the dishwasher. I use a clean bath towel for draining my dishes. I have three of these just for the dishes. I fold it in half and there is plenty of room to stack all the dishes. (More than a drain board.) After I put away the dry dishes I put the towel in the laundry. I pick up all trash in the house and all the waste baskets and empty it.

Second I will go into the bedroom where I keep the dirty laundry. (I have a very large bedroom so I can get away with keeping the laundry in there where no one else can see it.) I sort the laundry and start a load washing. It doesn't matter how large the load is I put it in the washer anyway as my water level is adjustable. I make the bed so I will have a large flat surface to fold clean laundry. The great thing about doing it on the bed is that I HAVE to put it all away in order to get in the bed to sleep.

While the laundry is washing I vacuum the floor and sweep and mop. If this does not need to be done then I will clean the bathrooms. I always vacuum and clean bathrooms just before a weekend because there are always people coming over and I don't want them to see a mess or feel like they will catch something in the bathroom.

Third: I will go through whatever is on the table because stuff accumulates there. I throw out all the junk mail and divide the real mail into his and her piles. I put the divided mail on each persons desk in the office. I put all the gardening tools in the garage where they are supposed to go then put all the condiments and spices away in the kitchen. I then wipe the table with a damp washcloth.

For some reason I seem to be better motivated to clean when I know people will be coming over. Sometimes I will invite someone over in order to force myself to clean. I will turn the music on real loud at times because it helps to sing while doing chores and it doesn't seem like such a drag when everything is fun.

thanx for that Perkulator I have to watch my washing machine because when it speeds up to rinse or whatever it rocks like crazy no matter how I reload it, so I end up having to sit on it for a few minutes at a time until it stops doing that. but when the dryer is drying I certainly can do other things. I don't wash too often, though, because it is just me and a few dirty clothes.

For the time being, I don´t cope....
I go to and fro, start on something, get distracted, write a note, move a few things, go on doing the dishes, the cat meows and wants out, so we go, then back to the paper, start the next project, get distracted by a book, go back to the dishes......and it ends with a cup of coffee and some hours in front of the computer.
Honestly!

My house is messy.

I tried to have a routine where I would do certain chores on certain days of the week, but could not stick to it. I have tried Flylady and found that all my time was taken up by cleaning. It took way longer than 45 minutes a day for me. (And 45 minutes each day is already a long time, if you think about it. Almost 7 hours a week just cleaning, never mind the cooking that has to be done.) I have tried numerous methods of organizing.

I have been married 17 years and a stay at home mom for 15. I have tried and tried and tried. I suck at it. And one day I realized that I am really not going to get better. I am done beating myself up about not being able to keep my house in tip top shape and wasting my time doing things I'm bad at in exchange for ignoring doing things I am good at. My house is not anywhere near hoarder level and it is not dirty to be dangerous. It is just not up to the level that "normal" people can keep things. OH WELL.

Do I like it? No. Can I do anything about it? You know, I'm a really smart person and I do manage pretty well in certain areas. So, if I can't figure this out after 17 years, I think I can confidently say "No, I cannot do anything about it." I have determined it is an area of executive dysfunction for me. I do what I can do, and leave it at that.

The thing I feel worst about is that I cannot pass the skills of properly managing a house on to my children. They will have major gaps, and I hope they will be able to figure it out somehow. I don't have the money for a housekeeper.

But, I will tell you that when I had back surgery, my mother in law came over to help once a week. My house was able to stay in order during that time. So, I know that a little bit of help goes a long way. I just can't afford professional help, and it is a bit weird to ask even family to come over and help once a week when there isn't something like surgery going on.

I have had a problem with organizing and chores since at least elementary school. When "clean out your desk day" came, all the kids would by tidying their things. The teacher would come to me and literally dump the entire contents of my desk on the floor and tell me I needed to start from scratch. I was the one that was turning in crumpled "A" assignments in high school because they just got stuffed in my bag. No one ever thought that maybe I might have a problem that I needed help with because I was smart and "successful" grade-wise. Instead, my mom told me I was lazy, inconsiderate, and irresponsible because I didn't pick up my stuff, do my chores, or keep my room tidy. It wasn't that I didn't want to do chores so much as I forgot or got overwhelmed.

We don't question that some people are bad at math. And people who are bad at math hate math because when they have to do it, they are reminded of how bad at it they are. Yet, when it comes to cleaning, some people think that this should come naturally to everyone. I hate cleaning. I do it because I have to. But, as I do it, I am walking around thinking about how much I suck and how much I have been judged (and probably still am) because my house isn't "normal". That doesn't help the motivation!

I´ve done private cleaning and I was critisized for being too obsessive and for not taking breaks. No one critisized the quality of my work....... but keeping my own apartment?......GOSH!

I've been doing all the dishes, litter box scooping, and cat feeding for the past couple of weeks and I struggle to even get that done every day. I've been doing it because my mother broke her arm and has a cast so she can't do it.

I didn't even do dishes yesterday so I'll probably have to do them twice today. All the good spoons and forks are dirty. I skipped scooping 2 litter boxes yesterday but that's not too bad since those need to be washed and refilled anyways (hopefully today) and I have 3 boxes for 2 cats.

Counting sometimes help. If you count items while putting them in right place and set a goal, - say twentyfive things, then you won´t notice, that you are clearing away stuff, because you´re busy counting and it can look surprisingly orderly when you take an overlook afterwards. That is one way to cheat yourself into tidying.