help, please

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I'm glad that is an AMC Jeep, and something you feel positive about.
Bon Voyage, and please stay in touch.

well, it's been quite an adventure so far. spent a night in vegas and got rolled - took my eyes off my purse in a bar for a minute and all my travelling cash vanished. stupid of me to be traveling with that much cash and i'm grateful they didn't get my whole wallet, but still. what to do? the friend i have couldn't put me up but put me in touch with a real nice couple in white hills, about an hour away. they are willing to let me stay until my next disability check comes in, doing some work around the house so as trying not to be a mooch. i have to put tires on the jeep and then i think it's straight to st. louis. so i'm exhausted and kind of pissed i'm still in arizona (and now in the middle of nowhere) but grateful for a roof over my head and the kindness of strangers.

the hardest part has been being out of control - trying to understand what people are saying, not knowing what's happening next, being out of my routines.

i am of course furious with myself for allowing myself to be robbed like that, i know better. and that was my traveling and living money for the month - i had it budgeted to the penny... so mad at myself. but how lucky can a girl get? i have another month rent free to get my act together. i'm even being fed hot meals and watching free tv in a safe home, not a shelter somewhere.

anyway being mad interferes with my ability to be grateful which i've been consciously practicing every day. i hate to sound mystical but i'm not sure i'd be in this situation if i didn't.

I'm glad you are out of Vegas, AKA "Lost Wages." I went there for a tech meeting that was the highlight of my life, but I was busy, and didn't call home for the weather report often enough, so my wife assumed I was with the whores. After that, the meeting didn't matter, just the divorce. The place is a total gamble, and only the owners win. I hope your thief went straight to the bus station, vowing to pay it forward.
Lost routines and having to be a guest stress me out too. Even reading the Sunday funnies in a different newspaper feels weird. We are lucky to have the same 'net anywhere now. (Almost) This might be a good time to practice living in the Jeep, and establishing some habits you can take with you. My mother lived in a station wagon or mini-van half the year for decades, and her advice was to never take a chance on overstaying a welcome. "Make yourself at home" is tricky. I translate it as "Keep yourself busy without our help, and don't leave any of your stuff laying around Our home." Usually, people are grateful if you tackle a job that has been neglected, but sometimes, that is a political football and you ruin the game.

Best Wishes,
D.O.

yeah i try to stay really conscious of that stuff. i've spent the last two days helping babysit their granddaughter, doing dishes, putting things away - today i cleared up all the GD's toys since she's going home, after the left; this afternoon going to muck out the horse's stall area.

they are letting me stay in a room in the house because the weather is so yucky, and then the plan is for me to move out to the RV which they are going to hook up with electricity and water.

and we have a clear agreement it's just until i get my next check on the 18th. meanwhile i'm trying advantage of the time to get the SUV in order, like you said.

At that rate, they should be sorry to see you go. Once you get comfortable with car camping, having that option is a real source of security.

"I have always depended upon the kindness of strangers"
- Blanche Dubois, in A Streetcar Named Desire.

i'm kinda hoping to earn an invitation to stay another month in the RV as that would really help financially getting on my feet, but if the 18th is it, i'll be ready to go.

i feel really, really lucky in spite of the bad turn in las vegas. we all went to a community dinner last night, the whole town turns out and does dinner together every saturday night. and you go eat for FREE (i did contribute a dollar). it's kind of like the flip side of williams - a tiny community where people really do help each other out and support each other instead of just a cess pool of gossip and rich vs. poor mentality.

socially it's been exhausting but i'm so starved for positive social contact i'm taking it in with some relief.

I am so glad that you have a nice place to stay right now. The town you are staying in sounds wonderful. Have you considered staying there? What is in St. Louis? And, you know that our offer [which is nothing as nice as what you have now] still stands. and of course if you arrive a little after the 18th, we would love if you would spend Christmas with us [probably at oldest sons home] I pray for you A LOT, and sometimes it feels as if you are aware of it when I do. Are you?

oddly enough this place is exactly what i was looking for when i first left Massachusetts almost two years ago.

it has an incredibly peaceful, calming quality to it.

i don't know if i've felt your prayers specifically vicky but i know i've been praying more myself and trying to be open to the spiritual field. i even tried meditating this morning. takes practice for me to get in the groove but there's something about sitting outside on a big porch surrounded by mountains without a sound but the wind blowing through the scrub and cacti that just begs for stillness.

anyway i do *appreciate* the prayers and believe in their value so i hope you will keep me in your thoughts.

the husband of the couple i am staying with has offered to give me four tires for the SUV, which takes a huge expense off my hands for next month. much nicer than the cheapest possible tires i was planning to put on. he's also going to take a look at some of the "spare parts" i was gifted with the jeep - one is the front drive train which i know was removed to keep in in 2wd and improve gas mileage and is easy to replace - the other are a couple of wierd looking bars i'm not even sure belong with the jeep. but he will know and figure out where they go.

the jeep - well, it's a solid soldier, but it's got a LOT of "quirky" problems that are just a pain in the butt. like i can't open the driver's side door.

as far as St Louis - well, it's got one of the lowest costs of living in the U.S. and a LOT of medical resources, including a lot of free care. i need a good working relationship with a good psychiatrist and a good therapist on a regular basis. i haven't had that for almost two years. i've even considered moving back to Massachusetts, which i loathe, to get back in touch with my original treaters. i really miss their support. but hopefully in St Louis there will be enough quality treaters that i can get re-established. Also, location wise, St. Louis is very central and so if i want to make a road trip (such as to come to your conference Vicky!) it will be much closer to everywhere i might want to go.

i got to ride a horse today.

but yeah... if i can find a decent cheap place to live and maybe a part-time job i can maintain, i would consider staying here in White Hills a while. i feel more at peace here than i have anywhere in a long, long time. that doesn't mean it's meant to be permanent, but as long as it's working for me i don't meant to change anything.

yesterday the woman i'm living with asked me about my disability. i decided to take the plunge and told her i have asperger's which makes it really hard for me to read social cues, read between the lines, and so on and how it affects my ability to interact and make decisions at work. then i told her i also have complex ptsd and that i have a bad reaction to authority figures, that when it comes up i can't think straight and i make poor decisions. i told her basically it takes me 5 times the energy to do the same task as a normal person, and that i get told i'm not careful or don't care when i care enormously. She really seemed to believe me and even went so far as to say she has a relative with a daughter with Aspergers.

i wanted her to know so she understands when they are home if i disappear back in my bedroom it's not because i don't want to be social, i just need some down-time. she almost completed the sentence for me so i think she really understands. and now if i do something that seems a bit odd that i'm not aware of, at least i know she may not interpret it badly.

overally i feel pretty good about the conversation. it's still exhausting have to interact with so many people, and i am going to thanksgiving dinner with them tomorrow so meeting more strangers, but it feels a whole lot better being around a lot of really nice people than it did holed up in my slum in Williams feeling unsafe all around.

i think there is a possibility i will get a chance to stay here a little while which would really help me recharge financially, get the jeep in full running order (did i mention the husband is a mechanic and has a shop right next to the house?)

anyone who's praying for me, please keep it up.

Opi, you're pretty darn resilient. Yay for those people that are helping you. Glad you're getting to do fun stuff like riding horses. Hope things continue to improve for you. Happy Thanksgiving!

happy thanksgiving to you all and especially you wozaree

NEVER
GIVE
UP

Ive been thinking of you and hoping you are faring well!

My mother always says of any mishap "Who knows what it will turn out this was good for" so it is with your money being stolen - if it hadn't been, you probably wouldn't have made so much effort to stay and try to fit in with the nice people you are staying with. It sounds really positive and I am really hoping you will find a good solid manageable pace of life for yourself.

Try to get some extra sleep to off set all that socializing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

thanks leafplant.

yesterday was really strange and not in a good way. it started out great. i went horseback riding - bareback - which was fun, then the wife of the couple i'm staying with asked me if i wanted to go to the local watering hole and play a couple games of pool, which made me nervous but we actually had a good time.

then she got a call inviting us to go over to a friend's house and go four-wheeling. i love this, spent the rest of the afternoon riding the back of a quad through some of the most incredible mountain landscape you can imagine. when we got back i was exhausted but happy.

the problem was i didn't have my car. we did all this in the wife's SUV. so everyone is hanging out and getting loud and rowdy and i'm getting tireder and tireder and more and more withdrawn, and the whole group of women just seemed really catty and mean (the wife who brought me was quiet). so i went and hung out with the guys for a while (which is not unusual for me) and finally physically i just had to hang it up. i fell asleep on a stairway for a little while and then went and asked the wife person like four times over two hours to please take me back to the house. and she kept agreeing and then not leaving. her husband was there and i think she was upset with him about something.

anyway at some point something in me just snapped. i didn't want to ask her again, i didn't want to ask the husband yet again, i was starting to feel panicky and trapped and i think i just went into a trauma flashback. so i just left. i figured i would just walk to the house which was a couple of miles but i could do it. i didn't say anything to anyone. i just left.

of course when they realized i had disappeared everyone freaked and went out looking for me and then like an hour later the wife finally figured out to call me on my cell. i told her i was halfway home. she kind of yelled at me and i told her i asked her and her husband several times over several hours and noone was going to give me a ride and i just hung up because by that time i was pretty mad too.

a few minutes later one of the cars out looking for me found me and gave me a ride home. fortunately it was the guys and they weren't mad at all, they could just see i was really scared.

but because of all this drama the wife wanted to throw me out last night like IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. i had to talk with her and her husband and get them both on the same page that i was asking for hours for a ride and neither of them responded. when they both realized what had happened they allowed me to stay but i feel like i'm on really thin ice.

i know what i did was wierd but i wasn't intending to upset anyone or get anyone out looking for me. i was just desperate to get out of a loud, bright, very social environment, i was exhausted, i was frustrated, i got tunnel vision and i just acted. i felt like i was running for my life.

no matter how i explain this stuff nobody seems to really understand. i feel mad that i've been knocking myself doing everything i possibly can since i got here to help these people and make their lives easier in return for their "kindness." and i can't believe it took an hour for anyone to think of calling my phone. i mean if they had done that immediately noone would have had to send out a search party. i understand their upset, but i feel really sad noone understands mine or that it was an act of desperation, not deliberate.

life just seems really hard and confusing right now and i feel discouraged and worried.

If it's close enough to true, say that you are very sorry you got people worried, and that next time, you'll tell someone you are leaving. Yes, they were even dumber to not call first, but NTs have their own kind of shorts between the earphones. Your instinct was probably to avoid saying that, as it comes off as an ultimatum, but you did need to take action of some kind. Maybe establish your ability as a hiker. Now I know why I liked having a bicycle so much. I could refuse rides on the grounds that I didn't want to get it scratched, although it was in full urban camo.

I'm really sorry to hear that !

I totally understand where you are coming from, I am sure I would have done the same, or worse. However I don't understand why you didn't just send her a text when you were on your way to say not to worry and that you needed time on your own to get your head straight?

I guess when you are in full meltdown mode it's really hard to do that - I've been there. I just don't understand why they are being mad at you if they've known about your issues all along? If they have their own problems then it may be difficult, but I am still taken aback with the wife's reaction. It seems very unreasonable. People are really weird and one has to talk at them SO much to just get the simplest things done - it can be more than an autistic person can ever cope with.

It sound like you are going to have to keep moving. Here's hoping you reach California in one piece and find some peace when you get there!

Hi Opi.

I've been reading this thread for a while now without commenting because you seemed to be getting good advice from others and doing well, and I empathize strongly with your situation since I've been moving around myself for several months now (currently in an Extended Stay for a week until I move into my new place) and have literally spent years living out of my car, on peoples' couches, and in motels in the past.

As Dear_one said, the best strategy in these sorts of situations seems to be to tell someone, it doesn't have to be the people you came with necessarily, that you're going to leave.
Generally speaking NTs may infer from this that you're asking for a ride, even though you're not, and although this may make you uncomfortable, it actually increases your chances of someone giving you a ride and you can always politely but firmly turn them down if they offer and you really do want to walk.
Alternatively, these days you could simply text whoever after you leave and say that you're walking home.
I know that it's difficult to initiate contact, especially if you're burned out and tired from socializing, but NTs seem expect people who are staying with them and/or in a group activity with them to be accountable to them sometimes, though not always, because they seem to sometimes, but not always, feel responsible for people in such situations for some reason.
Therefore informing them of your plans if you intend to disappear for a while is apparently expected in such circumstances, and not doing so can be problematic.
Interestingly, it seems like the context of the situation and the relationship between you and the NT(s) in question defines when they do and do not feel this responsibility and thus hold people accountable to them.
Friends or family, for instance, will tend to feel responsible while roommates and landlords will not.
Organizations and businesses vary widely in whether they feel responsible for their employees/clients/customers.
The whole thing is kind of silly, if you ask me, but whatever.

It seems strange to me that they'd get all upset that they didn't know where you were but then get all angry and threaten to kick you out in the middle of the night.
First they want to find you, then they want to get rid of you?
Just seems weird.
Seen it before though.
When someone feels responsible for you, whether they have a right to or not, and you do something that makes them worry about you, like disappearing for a while, they're all angry when nothing has happened to you.
I just don't understand it.

You're an adult ffs, you can go where you like and do what you like, so there was no reason to send out search parties like you were a child who had wandered off, especially without trying to call you first.
As for why they didn't think to call you, many people fail to see the obvious, especially when they're upset.

It's because I dislike and have frequently run into situations like this in the past that these days I usually try to arrange ahead of time my own transportation and whatever else I think I might need, even for a group activity, even if that means spending extra money, and even though I'm sometimes overprepared, unless I know for a fact that I'm with people who will take all of my needs seriously.
Not just to leave, but for food, water, the bathroom, rest, isolation, nicotine, fresh air, lighting, quiet, etc.
That way I can arrange to take care of all my own needs and not worry about depending on others who are generally unreliable at best for whatever reason.
Although as I've gotten older I've also gotten bolder and more insistent about stating my needs and getting them fufilled if I'm stuck relying on others to do so, which though I try to not let happen is sometimes unavoidable.

In your situation it'd be almost impossible for me to do this so I know how ridiculously difficult what I'm suggesting is, but if you can you should try to forget about it and act as if nothing has happened and hope they just get over it and that the incident fades away.

Anyways, I hope things get better for you.
I will continue to follow your saga with great interest and hope for your success.
Best of luck!