What is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to you..

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black0441
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Joined: 26 Sep 2015
Age: 47
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Location: Greenville, SC

14 Jan 2016, 10:03 pm

Last year I went to Coachella (a big music festival) with a group of about 5 people who I go with every year. We spent just about every waking moment together for 3 days.

A week after the festival, my closest friend in the group (friends for 25 years!) emailed everyone a group photo. It had everyone in it but me.

The only time the whole weekend everyone was together without me was during a trip to the ATM. So during that one ten minute span when everyone was together except me, that was when they took the group photo. And then emailed it to the whole group with a happy caption.

I had never felt so excluded in my life. I spent two hours staring at it. I checked every face to make sure I wasn't in, because I can be really bad at recognizing faces. Then for the next week, whenever I started feeling good about myself, I would open my email and stare at the picture until I felt horrible again.

I had to delete the picture so I would stop looking at it. I have never mentioned to him how horrible that picture made me feel though.

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Diagnosed with ASD Level 1 15 Jan 2016

camenzind
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Joined: 23 Jan 2016
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27 Jan 2016, 12:49 pm

"You are useless" or "you do not know what love means" or "you won't be loved by anyone with your face".

WisteriaRaincoat
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Joined: 18 Jan 2016
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27 Jan 2016, 12:57 pm

That i am selfish

WisteriaRaincoat
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27 Jan 2016, 1:17 pm

melmaclorelai wrote:

I had one person at high school tell me that I should kill myself because nobody would miss me. That's easily the worst thing that anyone has ever said to me.

Thats border lining to evil i think.. Could possibly have come from the mouth of Judge Frollo and Lady Tremaine's lovechild if it weren't for them being fiction

I feel for you, no one should be told stuff like that

B19
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31 Jan 2016, 1:03 am

Ashariel wrote:

1.) You're not autistic, you're just an attention-seeking special snowflake

2.) Autism is over-diagnosed, it's just a fad, probably doesn't even exist

3.) I feel sorry for your family, they're the ones who really suffer from your condition

"Don't get hurt, get angry" sprang to mind as I read your post, because all three are grossly offensive and deliberately insulting. If someone said any of those to me in real life, my response would be:

"Your statements are grossly offensive and nasty, and I have no further interest in your opinions". Then turn abruptly and walk away.

Sadly I have seen posts on WP that represent those kinds of views.

Spiderpig
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31 Jan 2016, 5:11 am

B19 wrote:

"Your statements are grossly offensive and nasty, and I have no further interest in your opinions". Then turn abruptly and walk away.

That'd be offensive to them, and walking away would be a cowardly attempt to escape the consequences of your actions. They insult you because they're not afraid to fight you, so they're not cowardly or irresponsible. If you insult them, you'd better be willing to fight them, too. And no, you don't get to decide what offends them; they do.

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B19
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31 Jan 2016, 5:16 am

I completely disagree.

GodzillaWoman
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31 Jan 2016, 5:46 pm

My mom said some really hurtful things every time I tried to get professional help to find out what was wrong with me. These aren't specifically about ASD, but she seemed really threatened any time I tried to get help or be independent.

When I first started going to therapy at age 19, Mom said I was trying to use the therapist to replace her. She also said I should just forgive my Dad for raping me.

When I changed my major from biology to art, she said I stabbed her in the back.

I thought for a while that I might be transgendered, because I felt so out of place in my body. When I told my Mom, she called me a sick psychopath, that she was so ashamed of me she couldn't talk about me to the rest of my family, she was proud of nothing I'd done, and that she'd rather see me dead than see me be a man.

The most hurtful thing anybody said to me specifically about autism/Asperger's was here on WP, from another person with ASD, who doubted I could be autistic or have Asperger's because I had a job and a wife. It's really hard to come in here and talk about deeply personal things and then get judged not good enough to get support.

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Edenthiel
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31 Jan 2016, 6:01 pm

GW, I'm sorry - that's awful, all of it. Especially the enmeshment & how it can be used to play on your self doubt, I assume. It sounds like you built a happier life without her though?

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GodzillaWoman
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31 Jan 2016, 6:12 pm

Edenthiel wrote:

GW, I'm sorry - that's awful, all of it. Especially the enmeshment & how it can be used to play on your self doubt, I assume. It sounds like you built a happier life without her though?

Thanks, Edenthiel. It's better, mostly, but it's hard not to internalize all those messages from the past. We get along better than we used to, mostly because she really does want to spend time with me, and so she has to be on her best behavior if she wants that to happen.

I've thought she might have undiagnosed borderline personality disorder--when I'm doing what she wants and not giving her any trouble, she praises me, tells all her friends how proud she is of me, and tells me she wants me around as much as possible. If I do something she doesn't approve of, or when I was getting into trouble in school, it's like she's a totally different person and talks like she hates me. She's shifted a lot of the negative focus onto my wife, so now I'm 100% wonderful and she sees my wife as the bad influence.

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HeathenColleen
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02 Feb 2016, 6:05 pm

I was recently told by my boyfriend's mother that I "destroy everyone" I touch.

Well, that destroyed me.

GodzillaWoman
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02 Feb 2016, 7:12 pm

HeathenColleen wrote:

I was recently told by my boyfriend's mother that I "destroy everyone" I touch.

Well, that destroyed me.

Wow, that's a humongous exaggeration. She sounds really toxic. How does the boyfriend feel?

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btbnnyr
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02 Feb 2016, 9:02 pm

GodzillaWoman wrote:

I think those statements doubting you being autistic because you have a job and wife are wrong and suck.
Several of my autistic research participants have jobs, spouses, and children.

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EggStirMeanAte
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21 Feb 2016, 8:33 pm

Some of the worst things have been said ABOUT me as soon as I leave the room but am definitely still in hearing range.

Spiderpig
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21 Feb 2016, 11:38 pm

EggStirMeanAte wrote:

Some of the worst things have been said ABOUT me as soon as I leave the room but am definitely still in hearing range.

I wonder if they do it on purpose, as if to tell you you're so insignificant and powerless it doesn't really matter whether you hear them or not, daring you to do anything about it that would make a difference.

EggStirMeanAte
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Joined: 23 Nov 2015
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22 Feb 2016, 12:54 am

Spiderpig wrote:

EggStirMeanAte wrote:

Some of the worst things have been said ABOUT me as soon as I leave the room but am definitely still in hearing range.

Oh god...are you the voice in my head??

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