My Mom instructed us that when the time comes, if there is anything that can help us, do it. She said don't go the funeral if we feel awful about it. Avoid black; wear flashy colours. Never mind the traditions; go play golf if you think it might be fun. And if she ever catches anybody visiting her grave, she's going to be very angry. She's not in any of those places. Do whatever you can to make things better for yourself, and let others do the same.
So I didn't go to the memorial. I went to the burial wearing a red blouse and flashy blue sunglasses. I think that might become the tradition in our family.
On the other hand, when my friend's grandfather died, I went to the funeral home after work in my work suit, carrying banana bread, and when she saw me, my friend's mother called, "You came! You came!" So there's no correct way for all, I guess.
18 Jan 2017, 3:45 am
