mid-life diagnosis make you feel cheated?

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I feel cheated because my family knew I was different but never explained that to me.
They love to deny me many truths - and that hurt me more than anything.

I feel sort of cheated but not because of a late diagnosis but - on the contrary - an early diagnosis which was painfully blunt and stereotypical in its approach, basically trying to lump me in with those who were nothing at all like me. This was back in the day when asperger's was still a caricature - when they said, outright, with no disclaimers, that "people with asperger's lack empathy", so I basically thought that I was being told that I was a psychopath, or at best a hopeless robot that's unfeeling and uncaring, and that hurt very badly at the time. I'd even go as far as to say that a diagnosis - at that specific time - probably hurt me more than getting no diagnosis at all would've done.

Making me out to be the very "type" who people who used to bully, almost implying that I "had it coming" simply because of who I am... I can't help feeling that if I'd been presented with a more nuanced and sensitive portrayal of how they deemed me to be, rather than just dumping it on me and expecting me to just lap it up without any resistance, at a very stressful time in my life, I wouldn't have rejected it for so long, and I wouldn't have rejected help that, later on, I came to realise that I actually did need. They basically picked the worst possible time in my life to tell me.

I just thought the price to be paid for any help was, basically, social suicide, because I went to the type of school where they used to flat-out abuse, verbally and sometimes even physically, anyone who was even slightly "different" and I don't think I could've handled being singled out then

I actually almost envy some people who got their diagnosis late, at least they can't be blamed for not knowing what was wrong. I don't have that excuse, people can always just throw at me "well you WERE told very early on and you HAD the chance to get help but you wouldn't...!" etc - I knew deep down for most of my life, I just didn't realise that it was ok to be that way for the longest time...

I feel like my most recent doctors / therapists failed me, but back in the 70's? No, they had no possible way to identify a highly intelligent, gifted, high functioning, not developmentally delayed autistic female. They had no chance at all. I'm just glad that my mother's own experiences made her so doctor-phobic that she sheltered me from being labeled crazy and pumped full of pills. I look at my autistic kids and wonder if they will have the opportunity to develop the coping and masking skills I did. I don't think so. I had to tough it out, fit in, or crash and burn. Learn social skills that come so hard, suffer one setback after another because the masses target those who are different. Diagnosed kids now get so many accommodations at school I wonder if they'll just skate through life using their autism as an excuse not to try to go out into the world and become competent at anything.

I do idly wonder if I would have turned out more awesome, more successful, and less riddled with anxiety and painful memories, if I had had some of the supports kids have now. But I didn't, so, meh.

I am self diagnosed but I do feel cheated but at the same time pleased. I am also annoyed that I didn't work it out for myself a while back! Now I am in a bad position due to ongoing burnout effects. It didn't exist back in the day and my life has been byond difficult for the last 12 years. I am also aware that Aspies have a shorter life span than average for many reasons. I believe my father was an undiagnosed Aspie as well as being a successful author and teacher. He had a heart attack at 54 and I think it was the strain of living that finished him off. Thats a big cheat for him if correct. Its interesting to note how many creative/artistic people in the media die relatively young. Susan Boyle is a late diagnosis who is now managing the stress of performing. We all have to perform in one way or another, some turn to drugs and alcohol as described by Tony Attwood. There seems to be little interest in the NT world to address these issues.

I self diagnosed when I was 52, then took the formal diagnosis a couple of years later when a researcher told me he couldn't use my story without it. Then I spent a few years learning that there is no perception of autism in adults among the mindsets of the neurotypicals. Yes, autism, and ignorance of it, have cheated me of most of what my life's potential and yes, I resent that with ferocity. Those like me, though, who have no idea at all, are probably worse off. It's hard to tell

I was diagnosed at 54. Do I wish I had a diagnosis as a teen, yes I do? I've spent most of my life believing I was a bad person, rude, blunt..yadda, yadda. I have a more positive identity since my diagnosis, a little kinder to myself perhaps.

Cheated? Hmmm....

I am not sure. The social and educational facilities didn't exist when I was young so there wouldn't have been any help as such. A diagnosis in the 70's or 80's wouldn't have helped me. For one back then there very little access to information about asperger's or autism so my parents would have been reeling from a diagnosis never mind me.

In a perfect world it would have been better to have been diagnosed and reap whatever benefits there may have been available as opposed to a life of wondering why I couldn't be like them, why I got picked on, why girls just weren't interested, why was I marked down for giving answers at a level ahead of my peers in school?

Hindsight and rose tinted spectacles are all well and good but I have to deal with the here and now. I know who I am and the why behind the who. This is an advantage.

Everything that came before made me who I am so I don't feel cheated. I now live in a society where there is help for younger people. This is a good thing. Progress.

Tonight I am making middle eastern food for my wife and the kids can breadcrumb their own chicken ( they love doing that). Life is good.

I feel partly cheated partly because I used to make allowances for the NT behaviour I came across despite its awful nature. It has cost me plenty over the years and I now find myself in a situation that I find intolerable. Being with NT's is starting to feel like dragging your nails down a blackboard. Their incompassion, selfishness and bullying along with the dead lifeless eyes is revolting. According to Jung, the thing we dislike about others is that which we are in denial of in ourselves, so I constantly look within myself for the type of behaviour I dislike in others but I can't find it. I used to use alcohol to numb the feelings and get along with them. I don't do that now but feeling the aura that comes off of them is exhausting. I try to grab precious minutes to do constructive things but my energy has often been so vampired that I collapse in relief when they are not around. I try to focus on good things and any small hope I have for the future. I have also cheated myself by poor executive decisions. I am not sure how some Aspies manage to be successful and stay there since survival of the fitest is the rule and I am not as young/fit as I used to be and the NT's are circleing it seems! I could have looked into this many years ago but I did not. More fool me.
Just another day on the Wrong Planet/Planet of the Apes!
PS. My brother was finally DX'd last week.

Since I got diagnosed at age 21 instead of under 1118, I do not qualify for services from the Regional Center



Likewise I did not get accommodation at K through 12 or undergrad



That is one thing

But the way my precious lil "parents" repeatedly and passionately told me off, for what ended up to be. autism symptoms





That


Was


Like


Insult


To




Injury








Likewise the social aspect

Schoolteachers and classmates did not know

I was diagnosed at 58 years old. I don't feel cheated but, I agree with Burnt Orange that, had I known, I would have done things a lot differently. I have had two divorces, both of them with children - it was pure hell, that would have been changed.

Hi, I was diagnosed late. I have gone through a progression of feelings tho:

1. Grief: Sad for the little girl that was struggling to keep up to others (tho extremely happy - out in nature anyway)
2. Resentful: that I endured abuse from predators but didn't even understand that until much later
3. Angry: That folks didn't get me checked out for the difficulties I had, and protect me better
4. Understanding: I realized folks couldn't have known how hard things were for me (or the victimization) because I was high-functioning and spent all my energy learning how to camouflage EVERYthing. My script larder is huge.
5. Forgiveness: because I was actually difficult to raise - constant questions, high energy, unable to express myself. I wouldn't have wanted to raise me

My family is unaware of my (mid-life) diagnosis - am not sure it would be helpful for them to know it. It was immensely helpful for ME to know it.

Had i known it earlier, perhaps I wouldn't have become the resilient scrapper I am.

That's just my experience with late diagnosis, anyway.

A little bit cheated, yeah.
And I'm trying to make this the short version.
I'm 32. I figured out I'm an aspie in February. As of Monday, I'm officially on the spectrum. Still going through the process of diagnosis, and getting help.
Life has generally been a vicious, horrible nightmare. I've wondered for a long time what might have been. Now that I have this new way of understanding myself, even more so. I try not to get stuck there. Life could have been much different, and possibly far more positive, if we knew then what I know now. But I don't know if I'd be better off that way. And there's no way to go back.
I wish I'd been able to tell people in the past. It may have saved some heartache. Ruined relationships, lost jobs, years on the streets, etc. At least I know now.
I've had to do a lot of forgiving over the last year. Doctors and family. It still hurts, but it's better to be able to understand and let go.
I'm sure my experience would have been different, but I don't know if it would be better, and I like who I am and what I've become at this point in my life and I don't think I'd be this way without misdiagnosis as a child and all the drama in between.
So there. That's the best I can do right now.

I was diagnosed two years ago, it seems to be a recurring theme but I was also diagnosed during a period of high anxiety and severe depression. It's impossible to know what would have happened if I had been diagnosed as a child (it could have happened, hell, I even had to change schools at one point), though there is the possibility that that period of anxiety/depression might have been lessened (or I may at least have been able to better identify the direct cause)?

However, for me at least, I feel that it happened at an acceptable time (if not ideal). The problem I have though is that no matter how much I read, research or, seemingly, experience on the matter it's very hard to understand (not from a technical perspective, but rather how I can or should apply it to myself). Effectively:

When you are diagnosed, it is like you are born a second time: it is nice, but you have to learn everything again