Religious Expression

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I also grew up in a very conservative tradition (Church of Christ) where everybody else is going to hell, and took it very seriously as a kid. I studied religion in college and graduate school to try and make sense of it all, but the tradition I grew up in stopped making sense to me by the time I was 21.

In my early twenties I happened to become good friends with a Quaker, and started attending my first Quaker meeting when I was 24. Theologically, Quakers are pretty diverse – some are evangelical, some are atheists, and a lot are somewhere in between. Some also have traditional Protestant-style worship services, but the tradition I join meets in silence. Essentially we sit together in silence for an hour, listening for the “light” within us all, and with the very occasional exception where someone feels called to speak briefly.

After years of talking and arguing about whose right and whose wrong, it was a great relief to stop talking and just listen in silence every week. I don’t go that often any more, as the nearest meeting is 90 miles away (I now live in a rural area, so not many options).

I’m new to this website (just very recently diagnosed as being on the spectrum, trying to make sense of it all), but it’s strikes me that silent worship might work well for some people on the spectrum, and I also found it very healing for coming out of a rather judgmental tradition. It probably had some of the same resonance for me that people have mentioned regarding Buddhism in earlier posts.

R2B2, no way!! !! !! I grew up in a CoC too!! !! ! And yes, the endless arguing and analyzing who was right and who was wrong and walking around on eggshells because you were afraid that you had done something wrong and would burn for all eternity...very anxiety provoking!! !! !! And yes! I think you are right, silent traditions like Buddhism, Quakerism, and probably Hinduism would probably be an excellent fit! I have been doing a lot of yoga lately, and I find the silence and focus on my own body to be quite calming. In some ways I feel more spiritually connected to God doing yoga than anything else. Welcome to the forum!

I wonder about the proportion of the members of the Quakers on the spectrum (Diagnosed and not) as opposed to the population as a whole. I have observed a particular, constructive, stubbornness in matters of conscience. It has been brought home especially looking at some of the common traits in members of my circle of friends from within the Quaker movement in the UK.

What's really behind it?

I grew up Catholic and it's one of the things that messed me up. My mum was a Protestant, and vocal about it while I was being raised Catholic. I was a confused Christian for years. Spent some time as a Quaker, and then practised Zen Buddhism. I was interested in Gnosticism for a while. I'm an atheist now, of the basically anti-religion variety.

I find transcendence (I don't like the term 'spirituality') through art/music/sex and also through relating to other people and wanting to make the world a better place for them.

I've had terrible self-esteem for most of my life. I grew up thinking that there was something intrinsically wrong with me. That was partly down to religion. I tried different belief systems as a way of coping with this self-hatred and feeling of malaise about the world. Then I realised that I couldn't keep living like that, and had to face my demons. I've learned that I'm not that bad, and other people aren't, either - until socialisation and bad ideas mess them up.

I was raised Christian (at least nominally), but even as a young child found my greatest comfort outdoors in the natural world, and thought it a very odd notion that spirituality was thought to be confined within these human-made boxes on Sunday, wearing uncomfortable polyester suits that made my skin crawl and awful shoes that hurt my feet; I just couldn't wait to get home, strip them off, and run out the back door into the forest.
As I got older, I read extensively in religion and theology, and it became progressively more difficult to suspend disbelief; I found Christian mythology to be increasingly preposterous. What I found to be the most compelling teachings (Matthew 25:35-40 & 1 John 4:7-8) seemed to be completely irrelevant to others; absent from sermons and practice. Rather, in the early 80's with the rise of the American Taliban, the Christianity which I experienced metastasized into something dark and malevolent, with a mean streak a mile wide. The cognitive dissonance could no longer be maintained; I no longer belonged there, and my continued presence could only be interpreted as assent.
As a child, I had always found nature and the changing of the seasons deeply compelling. Even at a young age I thought observances like 'Presidents Day' to be rather ludicrous compared to the solstices and equinoxes. One day while visiting friends, I saw a book on the table, and asked her if that was her 'Book of Secrets'. She handed it to me, and 'The Charge of the Star Goddess' really spoke to me on a profound level. The creativity, poetry, art, ritual, and above all the veneration of the natural world and the open egalitarianism of Wicca was extremely compelling to me. At the time, I lived in a large urban area with a vibrant Pagan sub-culture, and a very active coven was my spiritual home for many years.
Eventually, that coven morphed and went off on a tangent which I was unable to follow. While practicing Solitary, the mythological metaphors so celebrated in Wicca became more unnecessary to me, to the point of becoming distractions. My beliefs and practices became more pared down and streamlined, although I still took great comfort in ritual observance and nature. I wanted to improve my meditative technique with some formal instruction, and after sitting with several groups, I ended up at a Zen Center, and found it interesting enough to give myself three months immersion as a trial period. One of them was quite apologetic; not wanting me to be put off by the ritual, robes, candles and incense, which I found particularly humorous considering my background. Listening to their Dharma talks between long periods of silent meditation, I found in their nontheistic ethos and empiricism, heavily flavored with Taoist naturalism, a name fore the paradigm I'd been cobbling together myself, and eventually took vows as a Zen Buddhist and practiced with them for many years.
Eventually, I became ill, and we moved away to be closer to family, but I still practice, and still take much comfort in silence and ritual.

I agree entirely.

I think Asperger's makes me think entirely logically, and faith is simply incompatible with me.

I don't want to upset anyone, you're all entitled to your own beliefs, but as far as I'm concerned, fairy tales, and faith in some, higher power, is simply ludicrous.
I realise that the thought of there being nothing once you die, or that you are responsible for your own morality and actions, is quite scary for many people, but using faith as a crutch to prop up insecurities, is just plain bad.
Have the confidence to accept reality. Science is truly beautiful.

Again, please, I'm not trying to start an argument.

I don't do any religion, I have my own. Joke aside I am a non believer and I don't have any religion unless you want to count atheism as one but I still celebrate Christmas and Easter. Religion is an option.

For the most part yes, but if you live in a country where those who don't belive in certain god (gods?) get killed, it's wiser to believe (or pretend to believe) in that particular god that everyone else around you does, too. Then again, in places like that it's probably rarer to ever hear about other options than in countries with, well, let's just say different methods, so the chances that someone there won't believe in the same things that everyone else do are smaller.

And this is the case in 2018. Well done, world, well done.

“I think what I am trying to sort out at this point in time is how much of this is ASD and how much of this is being in a controlling religion”

Wow thats tough coming from a strict religious background. I was raised in a home that attended church only during holidays and special occasions. Religion was optional but I found comfort in the Christian faith.

The first church I regularly attended was an expressive church. The first few years I grow and gained a lot of friends. It was fun but when the leadership changed I felt the church became unhealthy. Church became oppressive to me, the thing that once brought me joy wasn’t for me.

Something they did in my old church was raising of hands and singing aloud. I enjoyed the experience it was like being in a concert it would feel like a warm glow it was a sensory experience. However, because of the controlling nature of the culture in the church after I left for the longest time I couldn’t listen to the same type of music it created an adverse feeling internally.

After taking some mental healing time I decided to carry on with my search for a new church. I can say Ive found a healthy thriving church. Lastly, they play some of the same songs as from my old church but now they have new meaning and it doesn’t cause pain as it did before.

I've never understood why people feel the need for a religion, as if it were food or water or sex. I get wanting some sort of coherent philosophy of life or deeper understanding of reality, but the Christian/Muslim obsession with God, the afterlife and winning the heavenly lottery has always baffled me. I grew up in a very conservative and religious family and area, and I never really understood it even as a kid.

Very interesting observation! Quaker meetings are silent. Quakers are tolerant of a wide range of individualists. Rather than dogma, Quakers live by a series of queries. Many take strong stands against injustice, poverty, war, intolerance. Meetings are warm accepting gatherings, but there are still enough NT nuttiness to drive an aspie crazy. Luckily, as I said, meetings are silent.

Both my parents were Christian, but we didn’t practice it. I always thought it seemed rather silly.

My religion I would describe as “Free thinker” - If you could call it that. I think aspects of most religions have elements of truth to them.

Apart from that, the traditional religion I have most respect for is Buddhism. I don’t practice it though, but it has a lot of elements that I agree with.

I was raised Roman Catholic, and left when I was about 13. After ten years or so of spiritually searching, I started studying and practicing rootwork (aka hoodoo, NOT Voudo), which is essentially North American folk magic that was pioneered by early African slaves. It combines Christianity, African folk magic, European folk magic, as well as Latin American and Native American folk magics. You do not need to be African American to practice it, but if you are not African American its important to study and appreciate the ordeal that African slaves in the Americas endured.

I tell you this because as someone who left Christianity, I found hoodoo to be a very comforting and strangely familiar, but allowed me to have more control over my destiny and to have a "working relationship" with God and the Saints. If these are things that appeal to you, definitely look into hoodoo (also called rootwork or conjure).

The best part? To your family, it will seem as if you have returned to Christianity. Of course, only follow a spiritual path if you feel called to it.

Sadly, unless I went back to a Church of Christ, they will not consider me to have returned to Christianity. (Although honestly I am tempted towards Reform Judaism...if I am honest) So my choice is be just like them or be considered "lost." Fortunately my family will not "disfellowship" me....meaning they won't cut off all contact for leaving...but I will be a huge disappointment and they will believe that my soul is lost forever.