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single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced?

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What is your long-term relationship status?
Single and expect to remain so 17%  17%  [ 28 ]
Single so far but hoping for relationship 19%  19%  [ 31 ]
In a relationship, and expect to remain so 32%  32%  [ 54 ]
In a relationship but not happy with it 4%  4%  [ 6 ]
In a relationship but partner is not happy with it 4%  4%  [ 7 ]
Separated or divorced 18%  18%  [ 30 ]
Other 7%  7%  [ 11 ]
Total votes : 167

MrsPeel
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19 Aug 2019, 5:52 am

Update, so far we have 67% single, including 25% separated/divorced.
25 votes



hurtloam
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19 Aug 2019, 7:15 am

auntblabby wrote:
the socially intelligent/successful here, cannot explain how they do it, as it comes naturally to them and they never have to think about it. it is like expecting a maths genius how he does those calculations so fluently. it is like asking a strongman how he is so strong. they just ARE. not explainable. the only thing that would be explainable is the ABSENCE of such natural gifts.


Sometimes I think it's just the dumb luck of meeting a person who you're compatible with.

Us quirky types have a smaller pool spread over a whole earth. What's the odds we'll meet a compatible person during our short lives?



auntblabby
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19 Aug 2019, 7:47 am

hurtloam wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
the socially intelligent/successful here, cannot explain how they do it, as it comes naturally to them and they never have to think about it. it is like expecting a maths genius how he does those calculations so fluently. it is like asking a strongman how he is so strong. they just ARE. not explainable. the only thing that would be explainable is the ABSENCE of such natural gifts.


Sometimes I think it's just the dumb luck of meeting a person who you're compatible with. Us quirky types have a smaller pool spread over a whole earth. What's the odds we'll meet a compatible person during our short lives?

yes indeed, as you say it is also a numbers game.



Amity
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19 Aug 2019, 8:22 am

Divorced after 14 year relationship.
In a long distance relationship with another person on the spectrum now, 3 years in and its going strong.
The balance of living separately while spending regular blocks of time together works out well for us.

I hadn't considered a LDR before, but I knew that he was the right person for me... It's not a traditional type of relationship, there are compromises because of the distance and our preference for personal space.



vermontsavant
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19 Aug 2019, 8:54 am

divorced


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BenderRodriguez
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19 Aug 2019, 12:49 pm

magz wrote:
In the same relationship for 15 years, I find our relationship healthier than any of us personally.


I know what you mean :lol:

I didn't realise you've found each other when you were only 19, that's remarkable!


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kdm1984
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19 Aug 2019, 11:56 pm

In a relationship, and expect to remain so.

I'm actually happily married. My husband and I have been married for almost three years and were engaged a number of years before that. We met in 2004. I'm almost 35 and he's 42.

It's female friendships I have considerable difficulty with, not marriage. I have no female friends I spend time regularly with.


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auntblabby
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19 Aug 2019, 11:59 pm

kdm1984 wrote:
It's female friendships I have considerable difficulty with, not marriage. I have no female friends I spend time regularly with.

can you expound on this?



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20 Aug 2019, 2:19 am

auntblabby wrote:
kdm1984 wrote:
It's female friendships I have considerable difficulty with, not marriage. I have no female friends I spend time regularly with.

can you expound on this?


Most American women value sharing empathy and feelings, and would rather do that over sharing systems and thoughts, so I never socialize with other women outside of work or church contexts. There just aren't tasks, interests, or hobbies in common, let alone the emotional connection most women desire. It's hard for them to relate to me, and vice versa.


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auntblabby
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20 Aug 2019, 2:32 am

kdm1984 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
kdm1984 wrote:
It's female friendships I have considerable difficulty with, not marriage. I have no female friends I spend time regularly with.

can you expound on this?


Most American women value sharing empathy and feelings, and would rather do that over sharing systems and thoughts, so I never socialize with other women outside of work or church contexts. There just aren't tasks, interests, or hobbies in common, let alone the emotional connection most women desire. It's hard for them to relate to me, and vice versa.

thank you for the explanation :study: you say "american women" - are different cultures in your estimation less into empathy and feelings?



kdm1984
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20 Aug 2019, 3:08 am

auntblabby wrote:
kdm1984 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
kdm1984 wrote:
It's female friendships I have considerable difficulty with, not marriage. I have no female friends I spend time regularly with.

can you expound on this?


Most American women value sharing empathy and feelings, and would rather do that over sharing systems and thoughts, so I never socialize with other women outside of work or church contexts. There just aren't tasks, interests, or hobbies in common, let alone the emotional connection most women desire. It's hard for them to relate to me, and vice versa.

thank you for the explanation :study: you say "american women" - are different cultures in your estimation less into empathy and feelings?


From what I've read, German culture seems to be less so.


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auntblabby
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20 Aug 2019, 3:10 am

kdm1984 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
kdm1984 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
kdm1984 wrote:
It's female friendships I have considerable difficulty with, not marriage. I have no female friends I spend time regularly with.

can you expound on this?


Most American women value sharing empathy and feelings, and would rather do that over sharing systems and thoughts, so I never socialize with other women outside of work or church contexts. There just aren't tasks, interests, or hobbies in common, let alone the emotional connection most women desire. It's hard for them to relate to me, and vice versa.

thank you for the explanation :study: you say "american women" - are different cultures in your estimation less into empathy and feelings?


From what I've read, German culture seems to be less so.

based on my japanese heritage [also german] i'd say the japanese are similar in this respect.



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20 Aug 2019, 5:03 am

Amity wrote:
Divorced after 14 year relationship.
In a long distance relationship with another person on the spectrum now, 3 years in and its going strong.
The balance of living separately while spending regular blocks of time together works out well for us.

I hadn't considered a LDR before, but I knew that he was the right person for me... It's not a traditional type of relationship, there are compromises because of the distance and our preference for personal space.


Maybe non-traditional relationships are the way to go :)
so far we've had a living-next-door relationship, a same sex relationship, a long-distance, and I'm wondering what else our WPeers might report...



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20 Aug 2019, 5:16 am

kdm1984 wrote:
Most American women value sharing empathy and feelings, and would rather do that over sharing systems and thoughts, so I never socialize with other women outside of work or church contexts. There just aren't tasks, interests, or hobbies in common, let alone the emotional connection most women desire. It's hard for them to relate to me, and vice versa.


This sounds familiar.
I work in a male-dominated technical field, and (in general) feel far more comfortable interacting with men than women. For me it's sort of a vicious cycle, in that the less I interact with women the less I'm able to do it. Seem to have lost the knack.

I probably shouldn't generalise, though. There are women who communicate directly and I can talk to OK, and a few men whose emotion-driven decisions drive me nuts. It's more about thinking/communication styles which are incompatible with my autistic brain.



auntblabby
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20 Aug 2019, 5:18 am

i'm an emotional aspie so i know i drive some folks crazy.



MrsPeel
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20 Aug 2019, 5:22 am

For me, it's like my emotions are usually dialled right down... and then occasionally things switch around and they're maxed out. It's all or nothing.