Any Aspies/High Functioning Autistics living on their own?

Post Reply New Topic

i found college has really helped. I'm still having to go live at home on the holidays (my parents are paying for college) but it's sort of halfway - im not quite ready to be fully independent yet. I've had a few one off jobs but I'm hoping to get a proper ongoing part time job (alongside full time uni) by my second year of college. Hopefully after a few years at college I will be able (financially and mentally) to move into a flat or shared accommodation in the city.

I live with my boyfriend and housemates.
I find it very hard, but also think that I am constantly learning about communication and relationships by being in that enviroment.
Sometimes people go in my room, to put things in there, and also to borrow things.
I get very stressed when I know someone has been in my room. I explained to my housemates that I has aspergers syndrome, and what that is. They now normally put things into my boyfriends bedroom. Though I still worry they may come in to look at my pet rats and take my things, which they do not respect at all.

I know if I lived on my own I would become very isolated and depressed, so whilst I do not like living with people, my mental health is pretty stable and thus I should not move out.

I left my family home at 18. it wasn't easy being on my own, I even had a short homeless episode but I've never regretted my decision- being 100% independent is priceless.

I live at home, but have a fairly independent life within that setting. The second floor of my house serves as my "apartment." I have a bedroom, bath and office/computer room/entertainment room. In my "apartment," I can keep cats, something I couldn't do if I were living in any other apartment.

Living on your own takes discipline. I would avoid subsidized housing if I could, however, because your income is not your own. I found the "savings" in rent not worth it, because management always had their hand out and you had to report everything. You couldn't take on a second job or anything like that without it raising your rent. So I got out of subsidized housing.

About 20 years ago I bought a trailer in a trailer park, which was a compromise between full-fledged home ownership and the rental market which I was slowly being squeezed out of. Since my home is paid for, my lot rent is far less than the average apartment around here. While my neighbors are not always the most desirable (sad to say, trailer parks do deserve their reputation), at least I have physical separation which would not be possible in an apartment building. However, it looks like this may be coming to an end since I have seen the development plans for my community and they definitely do not include the mobile home park I am living in. So now I am looking around at property. This will mean a huge rise in my expenses so I will have to budget very very carefully. But I am confident I can manage.

My big advice to those forced to live in a low-income situation is to do your homework. Don't just take a place unless you absolutely have to. Find out what kind of tenants management actually attracts as opposed to the kind they say they want. Look around at the setting, ask questions. Low-income situations can be risky, as many of the people living in those places are dysfunctional, have drug or alcohol problems, and may be in trouble with the law. Not a good thing for an Aspy to get mixed up in. You may not have much of a choice, but some settings are better than others. You know what you can and can't tolerate as far as living situations.

I have only lived alone briefly, and it was almost like not living alone because it was a garage apartment and my landlord was nosy...

I liked it though...I liked just being by myself with my routines....and well I guess there was the rooming house where I lived for two years...I shared a kitchen and a bathroom, but I had my own entrance and could choose to interract with the other people who lived there as much or as little as possible..granted it got to a point sometimes where I would leave the house and go someplace else to use the bathroom rather than risk bumping into my landlord or roommate in the house... ...but I am good at keeping myself occupied. I got alot more stuff done creatively than I do as a "house-girlfriend"...but I need to have soemone to interract with sometimes...

Roomate scenarios have always been bad for me...I always wind up being the "weird girl out"...inevitably rubbing my roommates the wrong way....in turn, I have had a hard time with roommates who impose themselves on me. I am not always aware of just how weirdI am until it is in the context of people I don't know very well.

The first time I moved in with roommates, I was asked to leave, because I did not fit in with their lifestyle...they were artsy-alternative-stoner-NT girls..and it was sorta hellish...

The next time it was with this artist chick 10 years older tham me who ....beh...I am not gonna go into an account of all my living arrangements.....

This all depends on where you sit on the spectrum, can you get a job, if so that is where I would start before even thinking of moving out. If you have a job already go for it, be careful house sharing, remember we generally have difficulty reading social cues and this has caused me problems in shared house arrangements.

Post a bit more info on your particular situation, that way we may be able to advise you better.

I have lived on my own for just over a year, and I LOVE it!

i asked my mom to stop making comments like 'your house looks like a drug dealer's house.' i explained that that was counter productive. she actually understood that - more or less....

my home is very messy - if someone broke in, they'd probably clean it up a little first -- just so they could then take stock and ransack it. (note: this is a joke: i live in oakland, and believe me --- other people really are PIGS) it literally looks like someone has broken in, and strewn things all over. i'm pretty clean about laundry and food and garbage - but 'stuff' is all over any floor or table top. any horizontal surface becomes a holding tank.

i dress like a street person --- i try to be neat, tho....... but wrinkled. i wear the same things over and over - i like fleece. i mop the kitchen floor once every year or two, well, three......... i bought an expensive vacuum. i thought that would help me vacuum.... i vacuum an area once every month or two --- until i get bored and distracted........ which happens before i finish a room. then i might leave the vacuum right in that spot, until i get back to it in a couple months.........

i tried gardening for awhile - then gave up. one of my trees --- 35' tall, very healthy, died suddenly. (probably a root fungus, not my fault, really). i haven't 'gotten around' to cutting it down - now it has these splits running up and down it as it slowly disintegrates. sort of a testament to my not getting around to things. i have been looking at it ---- marvelling at the huge cracks developing in it.............

i feel sort of bad about all this -------- but this is how i've lived all my life. i'm 52 and will be 53 in a couple weeks. sorry i'm drivelling on and on about this ---------- i hate people who do that........

I was still living with my parents until 09/27/07. I was 25 at the time (26 now). Thankfully, I have wonderful parents, but one day, I realized, I have a good job, making a lot of money and I decided, "I want to buy a house". So I spent the next three months house hunting and bought it in September of '07, right before the housing market crashed (which is good, because the credit crisis hadn't started yet and was still able to get a loan).

I think it was the best decision I ever made. I actually enjoy living alone.

love it when a good thread like this is resurrected....many interesting comments here. i will talk a bit about basic survival issues.

On Being Homeless....no one in their right mind will chose to be homeless. it has to be forced upon you. however, once in that state, what you will learn is Priceless and there is nothing else that can compare. try to always maximize your options which is the opposite of painting yourself into a corner. developing strategies is something you can practice in advance, so the skill will be available when you desperately need it. the same with saving money.

The Absolute Minimum
please do this at least once in your life, the sooner the better: determine what is the absolute minimum money you need in order to survive and make some detailed notes on everything you did and how much it cost you. i will offer a possibly helpful tip later.

Save Money
with your absolute minimum financial figure in mind, do your best to save some money if you have additional income. i make saving money mandatory and have been doing it for so long that when emergencies strike, they usually don't take me by surprise and i have some cushion to deal effectively with them. saving money will boost your self esteem like nothing else possibly can. even if you only manage to save a quarter or a dollar a month, do it and be proud of it. you'll never be sorry you did. your self esteem will increase proportionally to the amount you save, and you'll soon realize that every little bit counts.

Prioritize Prioritize Prioritize
learn to budget and prioritize. especially prioritize. get in the habit of prioritizing daily, particularly first thing after you get up in the morning or even before you start to get up. face your top priorities at least once a day and gradually add to that list with things you'd like to have and do. of course, with me, my savings is a very high priority so when i want something beyond the basics, i usually make myself wait and try to put money aside a little bit at a time intended for something special, but only if i feel i can afford it.

Stuff You Can Do For Free
get used to identifying and doing things that are free. there are many incredible things you can get in the habit of doing that are totally free. and then look to the things that are very cheap or only require an initial investment and then free or inexpensive after that. like investing in hiking gear or art supplies.

Try Living Without Paying Rent [and without having parents/friends pay rent for you]
now my tip for determining the absolute minimum money you can survive on: try living out of a backpack or in your car if you have one, for awhile. you may or may not be homeless. this exercise is especially beneficial if you already have a home and just want to see what you can do. first off---if you've figured out the minimum money required to survive, you probably will have included, if you have to pay it - rent - will be your greatest expense. so now, you can cross that off. when you live in your car or travel around, the only thing you may find absolutely necessary is to pay for a shower as required [much much less than paying rent] and pay for laundromat to wash clothes. there are many places to pitch a tent for free if you look around.

Essential Gear
buy a high quality water purifier and get used to hauling around a gallon water jug, canteen or large thermos. if you follow my suggestions you will soon discover that pure good quality water and maintaining a healthy core temperature are two of your topmost survival priorities. it's not a bad idea to always have handy a good wool sweater and/or warm jacket, raincoat, and some sturdy shoes.

Is Living Independently Your #1 Priority?
once you try living alone, you will probably realize that it isn't something you can afford to do without. i learned at a young age that it was far easier to manage the little money available to me, than to cope with people in my space or too near for comfort.

The More Roommates, The More Anonymity
other than living alone, the best and cheapest way of living and maintaining one's independence is to live in a rooming house - a large house with several private rooms and shared bath(s)/kitchen(s). be careful of having only a few roommates - like 1, 2, or 3. with many roommates there is anonymity. anonymity is good for aspies. with many roommates there is also the opportunity for social interaction but much easier to manage as there are many options and the possibilities allow for wonderful experiences you've only dreamt about.

No Matter How Hard It Is, Make Every Effort To Be Sensible
deal with little things before they become big things...or at least keep track of how the little things are progressing into big things and try to deal with them before they throw a tornado into your life.

Watch Your Back
keep yourself as safe as you can. devote time to gradually improving your situation to one where you are comfortable with your surroundings and life-style. it may take several years or decades but you will undoubtedly be amply rewarded for your efforts.

I had my own apartment for about 6 months but due to my gf getting injured at work and not receiving worker's comp and the designated money towards that on a timely basis I ran into alot of debt. So I had to move in with family again to get my debt down and start again.

I had a roommate in college and that was when I decided that I couldn't stand roommates. I live alone now and I really don' want to change that arrangement. It would be nice to have other people help with the bills, but its a major trade off in privacy. My roommate was constantly steeling my food (we only had one big fridge) and setting the thermostat to a temperature that caused the electric bill to be more than I could afford. I don't ever want to go back to that way of life. I think the post above regarding living in your vehicle sounds more appealing. Something like a large camper type van would be great.

I live on my own and have children, six of them. Have held 2 jobs seven days a week (I don't recommend that), am now going to college.

Homelessness- some people do choose it. My ex did.

I have lived on my own since finishing college nearly 12 years ago, except for the summer after graduation subleasing with 2 roommates and a 2 1/2 year period when I lived with my now ex-fiance. One week before our planned wedding date, I moved into my own apartment. That was 6 1/2 years ago. In 2004-2005 I went through an extended period of unemployment followed by a career change. Since then, I have either worked 2 jobs, or worked while going back to school to further my career in the new field. The last academic endeavor was nursing; I recently withdrew from the program due to the tremendous amount of stress I was under.

At this point, I do have a full time stable job that is pretty low-stress, but I work the weekends and don't make a lot of money. I have a low enough income to qualify for Section 8 in my area and should be able to use my certificate soon. I am also looking into bankruptcy to erase credit card debt that accumulated during the time that I was unemployed.

Some people have advised me to look for a roommate, or live with my mother. I couldn't bring myself to do that. I find either of those options more stressful than the financial issues I have.

Like another person on this thread has said, my life is a mess, but at least it's my own mess!