"Outgrowing" Aspegers

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I don't think we outgrow Asperger's so much as we gain enough life experience and coping mechanisms to live with it and fit into society more successfully. Some of us manage to do this to a higher degree than others.

There are things that will always be difficult if not nearly impossible for me, like sustaining eye contact, being in large crowds of people, interpreting non-verbal cues, etc. But I've found ways to get around those and be able to function alongside everyone else. I'm always going to seem a little "off" but the older I get, the easier it is for me.

Of course, one of the reasons life is getting easier may be that I care even less about what people are thinking when they meet me.

My experience with that situation is people who are used to YOU not saying hi or acknowledging them will often say hi to you every time your paths cross. Its similar to parents who tell them small child "now say thank you to the nice man" as the child turns and starts to run off. The boss is trying to point out and correct your behavior as if you were their bad child.

I think Aspies, like all other people, grow in personality. The traits that seem like a liability earlier on can become advantages later.

This is a very interesting question! Which I´ve been thinking about a lot lately; so, nice timing.

Basically, when I was a child, I had a lot of problems, and I´m sure I fit the diagnostic criteria- ( people weren´t being diagnosed in that time, however). Nowadays, I´m not even sure I fit the diagnostic criteria anymore...well, I sort of do, just not 100% of the time. My social skills and knowledge have gotten better as I´ve grown up. However, I do notice that I still think, feel and process information in the same way that people with Asperger´s Syndrome do. I still have AS behaviors and problems that make my life challenging...I feel, internally, like I´m still the same person. But life is easier, I think partly because I sort of know what to expect nowadays.

Like some who posted, I made a career out of my special interest. (I wonder if that makes it easier?) I socialize generally pretty well with people at work; we talk mostly about our interest, so people don´t really mind if I go on and on...we all do! As I´m involved with theater, I´m allowed to be "quirky"; after all, people in my business are quirky. It´s even easier to read the faces of theater people, because they tend to be more dramatic anyway. So, basically, I´ve found a little niche for myself. I bet that people don´t think I´m weird, or that I stand out- (I haven´t asked though, so who knows? I do tend to stim a lot, I know that...)

However, if you take me "out of my element", so to speak, the AS traits get much stronger. As an adult, I tend to do what´s comfortable, and avoid the things that are uncomfortable.....so maybe I´m fooling myself a bit. When I find myself in unpredictable situations, with different people, I can feel again like the same totally clueless, "blank" girl who doesn´t know what to do. As I mentioned on another thread, my social skills are so skewed, I feel like 2 totally different people! Does anyone else have a situation like this???

Perhaps it depends how one defines Asperger's. I'm thinking that if one defines it strictly by the diagnostic criteria, then some people truly can outgrow it.

But I think most folks here don't define it that way. It's not, for us, the outward behavior defined in the diagnostic criteria that's the essense of Asperger's, but the differences behind those behaviors.

Thank you for that insight! And yes, I tend to agree with you. I know my own internal processes, as well my history, better than anyone; this is the main reason for my self diagnosis.

However, I still think that neorotypical doctors would probably tend to define it by the criteria, as well as outwardly manifested behaviors.....this makes it kind of tricky for older adults to get a diagnosis. As the criteria were defined for children anyway, why don´t they make an amended version for adults? It seems odd that adults are required to fit the profile for children. I know some do, but not all. There are probably many adults out there who don´t get the diagnosis they need...as well as some who don´t even try, for these reasons.

I agree with this, and with some of the other comments.

I don't think we ever 'outgrow AS' as in we don't ever become 'normal' magically evolve into NTs. We are always Aspie, but many of is get better at passing for NT as we get older, just through trial and error and luck mainly. and sometimes due to insight gained as a result of realising and learning about being Aspie.

That's one of the main difficulties with adult diagnosis, because many clinicians think of the traits in terms of a snapshot in time, they fail to appreciate that over a period of two or three decades, many Aspies will develop coping mechanisms, acquire and improve skills. Many of the traits are less complete and total inabilities to do something, and more developmental delays, which means that Aspies can acquire and improve skills over time, although why so many clinicians fail to appreciate this, when they recommend therapeutics interventions for children who are diagnosed on the spectrum is baffling. If it wasn't possible for Aspies to acquire and improve skills, albeit belatedly, and after being taught as opposed to being born with innate skills, then there wouldn't be any point in offering those therapies.

My niece was (is?) autistic.

Seriously. At the age of five she was frightened of all men except her father.
She would pull down her pants and poop on the floor.

Then she was sent to a special school which helped her a lot.

Then she got better and better.

In her early teens she still didn't "get" jokes and was very withdrawn and strange.

We expected that she would never be able to live a normal life outside the family home.

And yet.... Against all odds she not only got a job but went to university.

Last week I attended her wedding. I can't believe that the beautiful, poised young bride was the same screwed up kid she used to be.

Good point! That makes a lot of sense. Yes, I think their whole way of thinking in terms of adult diagnoses is pretty illogical anyway.

In my case, although I was never diagnosed with AS (because not enough was known about it)- many of my individual problems were recognized when I was a child, and I did get various therapies for some things. I think that probably really helped me. Maybe other people have had that experience, too.

That has been my survival technique. I learned a long time ago that people are going to think that I am weird no matter what I do; so I stopped caring.

That is a technique a lot of us use well and some of the younger people should investigate its effectiveness.

Yes my experience has been similar except I feel I have 'unlearnt' much of Asperger - life is just so so much better now - unlearningasperger.blogspot.com - very best, JC

Speaking of outgrowing AS issues, I feel like right now I am a community college student and may need a little extra time to get out, due to the fact I haven't taken normal amounts of courseloads up to recently. But I feel like I am gradually growing out of my AS issues for a great part, also overcoming LD issues too. I am now worrying about getting good grades (first time I actually tried in school ever in my life and got A's, B's and C's, which I am trying to pull up to a 3.5+ transferrable GPA), I can get along well my friends and family, I am well liked by my classmates and friends, I am actually knowing how I learn when it comes to school, I have more self-esteem then I did in high school, plus, I am working on how I can try to handle stressful situations (just in case when I need to get a job after graduating college). Sometimes I get easily pissed off about things when I screw up on issues, mainly at home. But otherwise, I have made great changes to where I was just only 2-3 years ago and I feel like very optimistic, knowing that I am working on bettering my life and looking forward to seeing better results in the long run.

Because in high school, I didn't know how to think before I said stuff, I couldn't concentrate in normal classes and struggled in them, I was the easiest targets for bullies, people would literally put me down so easily, I had trouble getting along with many people, some of the people who I tried to hang out with would just joke around with me, hang out with me, but in reality, they hid the fact that they were too embarassed to hang out with me. I also dealt with the most extreme forms of bullying and I felt like hell. I even back in high school was so close to dropping out due to the fact that I have accumulated so much stress as a person, and I have to be honest, I suffered the most severe forms of depression. I fought with teachers, parents and everyone, both physically and verbally. I almost came close to going to jail in high school for shoplifting and I would even steal a lot in high school. I also contemplated even ending my life back then and committing suicide.

Man does it feel good to know that not only such a long time ago, I would have fit the classic stereotype for the most painful struggle for AS and LD issues, yet today, I am pouring day and night lately to overcome my difficulties, knowing that in the near future, that I will be completely the total opposite of who I was not too long ago, and as I gradually get older, I know I will live life happilly and succesfully like any NT out there. I am ready to nowadays take new challenges, make mistakes at first and learn from them immediately.

It occurs to me, if one thinks of childhood autism and asperger's as the prototype, well, then it's quite typical for someone with autism or asperger's to outgrow some aspects of it.

Though, on the other hand, if one takes a different perspective, one would say one is changing to a grown up version of autism/asperger's. And/or a more adapted version (as in, having learned more skill for dealing with the world as it is).

Last edited by Mysty on 27 Jul 2010, 7:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

As you get older you learn and develop so I'm sure people can outgrow the diagnostic criteria if they can adjust well enough. I don't think you ever fully become "normal," it's a different way of thinking that always is going to stay with you. My symptoms tend to fluctuate a lot, I've had times in my life where I didn't have a lot of problems and times where I lose skills and can't do what I used to, but I've certainly learned a lot of what to do and what not to do.

True, I am in college right now and I have outgrown most of my traits. But sometimes, whenever I get extremely annoyed by something, I just get pissed off. Luckily, one time, when I was so annoyed by a teacher that I was trying add into her class at my school, she pissed me off to the point I could have exploded like the Incredible Hulk, but luckily, I held my cool. Trust me, she could have been in the Guiness Book Of World Records for most annoying person, that is how annoying she was towards me. But anyway, I said I outgrew most of my problems, have good social skills and can relate to my peers, but all I need to think about is doing well in school, going to a good 4-year university, and a job. But I have issues like worrying too much about things and getting too emotional about stuff at times, but hey, it was a long way from my old ways.