Do you feel like you're still a child?

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....if only I could play! I adore this quote - you lucky person!

I have a 'blocked state' unable to let go and be free or 'play' in any sense. Its not a NT 'grown up' sensation, its unsettled, jagged part routines phasing in and out, deep melancholy and the pointlessness of it all - all phasing in and out many times a day. I'm fifty one and this is seriously affecting my self-employed activities a skilled manufacturer, yet when i go gardening a day a week for money in my pocket, the chance to weed with a handfork or arrange plants or edge lawns is a fabulous 'no-brainer'. Is this burn-out or have I merely lost interest in something started thirty years ago?

The nearest I come to play is my five year interest in learning a foreign language, gardening in my own place, and being out in the wideopen landscape. Yet so often in between I go through continual hand wringing and perpetual anxiety at just managing to survive. Like I'm continually crowded in by it.

Re seeming young, a customer returning after ten years that I meet face to face (not maliciously) said that I seem to be just entering puberty - I think this refered to my childlike enthusiasm for knowledge and information and insights. As a kid no-one provided any of this so it was up to this isolated aspi kid to provide his own. The usual advanced pursuits (electronics, home engineering workshop, lots of other stuff) from an early age - tho a slow reader - has meant I always build my own universe, so I suppose that is a form of 'playing'. I use the term isolated, never lonely, how could I be, never knew ongoing friendship and certainly never felt as if being 'included'.

I need help and advice re 'blocked state' and the unproductiveness of my days. pills? mentoring would be better. I did have a mentor via the web though Sis goes quiet on me and that takes some handling. I can get confused, disorientated, angry, have in the past had time off though couldn't decide where to go, ie driving up and down a two mile stretch between roundabouts and pull-ins unable to let go of the guilt and indecision. no wonder I crave alchohol - anything to deaden this mind.

......just had a thought.....ten or more years ago when up in some remote beautiful hills that i visited a few times a year I had a sudden desire to bring a model construction kit with me next time, the sort of Airfix kit of plastic parts that was glued together. I can feel the sensation now. In fact I am quite tearful. Its so odd for me to have had that thought, yet i felt that for maybe the first time in decades here was a place and time where I could extract pleasure from such an activity. I seemed to be modelmaking mad forty years ago as a kid, making my own things from metal and wood, seldom much money for commercially bought stuff. I think a lot of aspiness is an overwhelming sensation that I'm being watched, observed, judged. Perhaps thats why working with horses by themselves can be so carefre an activity and I think would for a little time each day get them out of the torture of existing.

I will hope that your experience with this is better than mine was. I got blank stares, probably because I don't "look" autistic.

I am very wary of the so-called professionals.....

I have come to accept I will never be a real "grown up. I recently purchased the following: A toaster that is candy apple red. (I love it!) A kaleidoscope. A set of mystery books that I knew and loved as a child. I sleep with a teddy bear. I love to swing on my porch swing. I still think slapstick stuff is hilarious-like 'The Three Stooges."

^I live with my dad and have never had my own place so that may be part of why I feel like a child.

I hate going to these stores and finding these kitchen wares and shower curtains that rock and to know I could never purchase it since I don't have a place of my own...

And all things Spongebob. I'm 33 physically...barely 21 mentally...

I'm not sure. In some respects I feel much younger because many of what are deemed by most people to be 'essential life experiences' I haven't had (and usually have no interest in having). At other times I feel older when I see adults essentially behaving like a toddler throwing a tantrum or sulking because they've been told they can't have exactly what they want.

I do feel like a child, in many ways. I don't think I am ready for serious "adult" life yet. I don't much understand things like finance and politics. I still enjoy certain toys, and cartoons. My psychologist says I am very "vulnerable" like a child. It's true.

YES... thank God! Being a grandmother is wonderful because I can play to my heart's content all over again and be appreciated for it! The best part is bringing down old toys from that attic that I've forgotten all about! Plus, now when I play, I have someone to share the fun with!

No, last time I felt pure joy was when I was about 14. My father left when I was 3 and my mother had a really hard time and around the age of 16 I had to kill off a huge part of myself, since I realized my mother was constantly sad and tired, and if she felt like that then I did to since other peoples feeling seem to duplicate and I absorb the same feeling making me feel like s**t constantly and having to do work around the house, pushed to do things and talk to stupid imbecile people which just killed me inside and gave me a lot of pain and sadness. I still have my youth locked away inside but it often comes out in a very twisted grownup way. In contrast to this I can calmly say I'm in total control of my emotions, I've seen and done enough to not learn from it.

sorry this thread is just making me pissed as some people reply "yes" and I feel totally jealous of them, but very hapy as well since I'm no hater.

It Would just be nice to have a calm normal childhood, being forced to grow up at such a young age has really made me stone faced, and when people tell me to smile I just wanna grab their heads and drive them through a concrete wall.

bah, I'm in no good mood,... but you gotta vent. No pain no gain.

No, last time I felt pure joy was when I was about 14. My father left when I was 3 and my mother had a really hard time and around the age of 16 I had to kill off a huge part of myself, since I realized my mother was constantly sad and tired, and if she felt like that then I did to since other peoples feeling seem to duplicate and I absorb the same feeling making me feel like s**t constantly and having to do work around the house, pushed to do things and talk to stupid imbecile people which just killed me inside and gave me a lot of pain and sadness. I still have my youth locked away inside but it often comes out in a very twisted grownup way. In contrast to this I can calmly say I'm in total control of my emotions, I've seen and done enough to not learn from it.

sorry this thread is just making me pissed as some people reply "yes" and I feel totally jealous of them, but very happy as well since I'm no hater.

It Would just be nice to have a calm normal childhood, being forced to grow up at such a young age has really made me stone faced, and when people tell me to smile I just wanna grab their heads and drive them through a concrete wall.

bah, I'm in no good mood,... but you gotta vent. No pain no gain.

Yes! I even look like a little old child. Once I had an acquaintance tell me something interesting...this was actually a TV personality too. It was "Mark O'shea". He's an English herpetologist. I had a little chinwag with him years ago in a bar in Reading, PA. He said that unfortunately the only man I could probably attract was a man with pedophilic tendancies because my face was infantile and my body was adolescent. I felt like punching him right in the eye but "it made sense." He said I'd probably do well dating asian men because many asians looked childlike. He was right. I did very well in the arena of dating asian men. My husband of 17 years is Malaysian and NOT a pedophile. I honestly think he had a point! Too bad he didn't pay his bar tab and got slapped around a bit by the massive "goomba" bouncer.

Me too i feel like kid. Live with my parents,incapacity to work now,never have girlfriend and sex and sometime have a really impression of be younger than me age. I don't know it's will change because all of my circle(friend,cousin ect) are practically live at own,have job,have sex once and have girlfriend. I hope a fast change because i feel small next to them but i'm not due to these thing. Sometime i'm kinda fustrated but it's my situation and i'm habituate. What yours?