The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Hmm. I could really use that as my signature. Kind of like a disclaimer. Good point and thanks for making it.

Sounds just like my Mom! She has yet to say ONE WORD about my AS, except for sending me a link to a lame journal article about how TV might cause autism.

BTW I have sort of a similar spouse in the negativity sense. He seems to (lately) have a negative knee-jerk reaction to everything I say. It's like he has to disagree and he instantly disagrees with whatever I say. I've called him on it and asked him to please stop and think before responding. He's gotten a little better. Before we had our weekend in Honolulu, I told him he had to agree with me the whole time (he readily agreed because his bonus was my going to a strip club with him - I've learned sex is a way of getting him to be more pleasant) and he was! Not entirely positive, but much better. I just have to keep reminding him. But I"ll tell you, it sure makes me think twice before talking to him, because I get so tired of being shot down.

(laughing hysterically!)
I'm going to remember that one!

I used to say "Holy s**t" but MS has a much cuter expression: "Holy buckets"!

Edit: This now seems inappropriate as I've read the whole thread. Sorry. I tend to read the posts and respond in order, as opposed to reading everything and responding at the end.

I've had unbelievably crappy relationships, so I sympathize. There is so much to be said after reading the last page, it's very thought-provoking. So much so I don't even know where to start.

It doesnt sound to me like he isnt communicating or is emotionless....he just wont admit to his emotions.He wrote her a list of thing that "you" do wrong,stormed out...those are emotions.

As to my insurence "issue".More of the same.

I talked to my manager last night and she said we could talk about it in the morning...then didnt mention a word until I asked her for some information.She gave me two phone numbers,neither of them gave me any information(One was the pharmacy.. ).

My boyfriend found a number on lne for the corporation and I called and asked them how to apply for full time health benefits and they said......as soon as your manager send in the paperwork changing your status from part time to full time....

Part of the story I may not have mentioned(sorry bad memory).When I went for the job,I checked the box for fulltime(not both boxs...fulltime only)After quiting my job,which I told her I would be doing(as well as taking a cut in pay because I wanted to work with animals)We got it wrked out but she didnt send in the change and now I am sitting up(2pm here)waiting for a return call from her after wrking from 9pm to 9am.I know I am nieve but surely she is avoiding me on purpose or wants me to quit?(Which is strange,as the original person she hired full time has already quit and the girl she just hired to replace her has already said she is leaving in a few months.......this is the same girl they had me call and remind her to turn in her medical benifits package today,s she wouldnt lose her benifits.)

This is truly the kind of thing that makes people go postal....at hate being a psuedo buddhist(Buddist lite...you can still eat meat but cant be mean to animals...including people.)

I am going to bed.....I want to sue someone.(I am chainsmoking and eating pringles....life is grim but as my mother would say,I am sure it will all work out after I jump through the appropriate hoops.The only difference between now and the last 100 times I have been screwed over....my boyfriend has a lawyer and I have a DX for AS....hummmm

My mom was okay with my sons' dx, but when I told her about my ADD she claimed I was a perfect child. I remember me. I was a weird one! She has never said another word.

Lissa, Krex, Professor and Blessed,

I appreciate everyone's support and kind words. I'm becoming very angry with him and not sure any longer if I want him back. My entire family is suffering because of this. It is chickenshit behavior on his part. We have 2 children on the spectrum and all his cares about his is need to get away and think about his feelings (but then he is not supposed to have any?). I would never do something so cowardly.

He came down with a somatic pain illness 10 years ago and couldn't work. I, like a fool, did everything in my power to support him through it. Now he runs out on us. I am so PISSED OFF!

Serious, I went through a long period of un-diagnosed depression. TM kept after me, asking me to go to a therapist and find out ! !! I did, of course, and got a prescription. These days people ask, how long have you two been married, and she says 'seventeen years, seven of those wonderful.' It really helped me. I don't know regards your hubs, I'm not a therapist, BUT if he's committed to your marriage, and loves you, he'll go to someone and get a professional opinion. He has some problem that's eating him up, and he has to find a solution to it. By the by, I didn't "believe" in anti-depressants, and that's only one of my many excuses way back when, before I was DX'd

Story of my life.

I wish I knew how to get you your medical insurance.
My understanding about employer law is very limited, what I know is just from having been a manager, but I will type out loud here in hopes that there may be something that could help you.

Laws vary from state to state, which complicates things. Also, this corporation is national but if each operation is a franchise, that would make things much more difficult.

My first suggestion would be to find the corporate compliance officer for the company, and complain to them. If you were told one thing and they are not doing it, they could be in big trouble. Corporations don't like to get sued, which is one of the reasons they now have such things as corporate compliance officers.

If the policy is that after a 3 month probation period, you go from being a temporary employee to permanent, and you have passed the three-month mark, they are required to consider you permanent (regardless of number of hours worked per week) and also required to offer you the same benefits as all other permanent employees.

If the problem is that you have worked more than that period and your boss has yet to give you your evaluation and decision about whether you will be retained or not, then your boss is at fault. My understanding is that if you've worked past that probation period and not been let go, you are now a permanent employee and the onus is on the boss for not giving you your evaluation. In other words, if you've past that date, you're in like Flynn. The burden is NOT on you to make sure your boss does the paperwork. So the corporate person you called needs to be corrected on this issue. It is not acceptable that a boss can procrastinate on your 3 month evaluation, and you should tell them that.

Edit: About full-time versus part-time: I think the laws vary from state to state. Here in Hawaii they have to give you benefits if you work 20 hours a week or more. So of course some nefarious employers hire people for 19 hours a week. Argh. But if I remember correctly you're working more than 30 hours a week. I can't see how any state would consider that part-time, but that's one more thing that needs to be looked into.

Can you tell me the name of your employer and the number of hours you work in a two-week period? I'll see if I can find out anything.


I HATE to see people get screwed.

Last edited by MsTriste on 07 May 2007, 3:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Krex, I worked for 2 pet stores and didn't get treated well by either one. They operate on small margins and don't want to have full time employees with benefits. Your manager owes you a straight answer. I'm so sorry you are having the problems.

I am glad we are not near any explosives...I think we would be blowing s**t up about now.



Get angry,it's the first step to change and I think that is what you and your kids need.He needs you more then you need him and that may motivate him to do things on your terms....ever think of changing the locks.It doesnt have to be the end....just the end of the way things have been going....

((((((HUGS)))))))


off to bed,thanks for listening to me,folks.I cant tell you how much I appriciate it.I grew up with a mom telling me "it's your fault" everytime I confinded my sadness or anger.She would tell me how I had screwed up and how do do it better...even when I didnt do anythig wrong,she could find some thing I could have done better....ok....I'm drooling and whinning now...off to bed.

Wait - he LEFT? and hasn't come back? How long has it been? That is beyond belief.

He sounds like a man in denial about his own problems.

krex, I have worked at chain or franchise stores such as the one you are at, and I believe the lower your IQ the better your chances of making management. I found that going above their heads is the best idea. If the employee turnover is high as you said, they will begin to take a closer look at the manager. Of course, this is easy for me to say!
You deserve better!

I don't know why some men think we NEED them. I taught my boys that it isn't true and they had better not act that way. Hubby thought that for about 5 minutes until he realized that I learned a few things when I was raising 3 little boys alone. He knows that I did fine without him then and I could do it again.
If you just get on with your own and your kids' lives he will notice that you can live without him. You can still try to work things out if you want but make you and the kids the priority. It means not playing his game. Get him to woo you all over again, ask you out on dates and buy you flowers. Let him know that you will accept no less. You are worth the effort on his part!!

Hubby also has a chronic pain. He was told it is fibromyalgia. It is also affected by depression. He finally started taking an anti-depressant 2 weeks ago and the difference has been immense. He even took the little one to the waterpark on Saturday without me asking! That is huge! And she wasn't crying when they returned. He might just be a keeper now.

not a problem,
even in painting i just start with something and the only way i can do it is improve it a little more every time, i'm just not able to do it right from the first time
so also in life when i make mistakes, got something wrong, i interprete it as a startingpoint


anyone some coffee? some cake?
the cherries are riping on our tree

(sorry not to be very 'in-deep' today i'm in the city and tired)