The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Not for me thanks. It feels a bit damp in here today. I might catch a cold.

Yeah I agree. Maybe you can do something to warm up the place.

Actually some hot chocolate sounds good right about now.

A round of hot chocolate with whipped cream and chocolate-dipped cherries on the side, coming right up!

This must be the time of year for the manic phase. A friend of mine is going through that. The frustration she goes through is incredible. She feels she can't do nearly enough and she hardly gets any sleep, yet she also isn't able to finish anything. I hope you all are coping better. She's upped some of her meds.

And the relationship issues. My longest relationships have been friendships, and those have driven me nuts at times, so I am really impressed with anyone having a long term intimate relationship. I hope you are able to survive and thrive, SG, and all I can offer is some extra good energy and hugs.

Aylissa, I did make it to lava, all over. That was so cool. It was like being on another planet, until I nearly fell into a sink hole, and even then, I thought it was cool. I also liked the gardens, and I'm so terrible with names, I can't remember their names. I loved Waimea. I thought Kona was pretty, but I enjoyed the wet side more. I relate to rain forests, living in one, but boy, is Hilo wet. My niece and I went out into the rain, or should I say, pour, and enjoyed it.

Hilo also has the greatest health food store--best deli food ever. Veggie lasagna to die for. It's the one over by Prince Kuhio Mall.

Metta, y'all.

My name is Sam, and I'm 52.

I came to find I was aspie just last November. After 12 years of not dating, I decided in January of '06 that maybe I should try. So I did the online thing, and found someone who was willing to date me.

As has happened all my life, it fell apart. This time, it was just me realizing I didn't feel anything for her, though I tried, and I wanted to. I just couldn't jibe the constant drive to be alone, with the needs of someone who wanted "so much" from me. I'm just so self centered and unable to respond to anything that doesn't pierce my self interest.

Weeks after the end, she asked, in an email, what I thought se should do different. (as if it was her fault).

In reply, I started to write: Don't get involved with a sociopath.

In fact, its something I've been thinking about for a bunch of years. But writing it down made me rethink it. So I did a search on "Poeple Who Don't Feel" and in an hour, found an Autism site, and not much later, found and took all the tests... Ah, I'm an aspie.

So I changed the email (still in my draft folder) and wrote (paraphrase) : Turns out I have A.S.... Don't get involved with someone who is an aspie.

I seem to be fairly deep aspie. I have two kids, 20 and 21. Up until I finally found the reason, I've so beaten myself up for what seems my very shallow feelings for them. When they aren't around, I barely think of them.

At least now I know I'm not a horrible person. I'm just not wired to have deep feelings for people.

The up side, I now know I can't really have the "loving" relationship I always want. The down side, I still fantasize about having one. I want to live in a romatic comedy movie. The realization of course... That's fantasy, aways was, even though I knew it, I hoped.

I'm a computer programmer, and work at home... telecommuting is great. All the benefits of working with people with all the benefits of not having to be around people.

I tried that and he came here, smashed up some furniture and took my car. So now I'm really screwed. This has been the worst day of my life.

I am SSOOO sorry! BIG HUG!! Do you have anyone that you can turn to there? Relatives? A shelter of some sort! I really wish I could deal with him for you!! Bullies make me very angry!!

No, but I have have a roof over my head. I do have an appt with my therapist tomorrow at 11;00. I tried to assert myself and regain some control over my life. Big mistake, I guess. Thanks, Blessed.

He smashed furniture and took your car? Oh my god. If that was the first time he's been violent that must have been incredibly scary. Are you and the kids safe? Should you call the police or try to get a restraining order or something?

I can't imagine how I would cope in that situation. I'd probably do something stupid. If you can just get through today, hopefully tomorrow will be better. And maybe the therapist will be helpful. Good luck.

Restraining orders don't really amount to a hill of beans. And the police really can't do a whole lot except give him a warning unless he hit you. He didn't, did he? In the morning things will seem a little clearer and you can go to see what the therapist has to say. I'm sure she/he can give you better advice based on you and your situation than we can. (Based on services in your area and your state of mind, etc.) If you are uncertain whether or not he is going to show up again this evening you may want call the police and get advice as to how to handle him? In Canada, a person can take their belongings from the residence even if the other party changes the locks. I guess even it that means breaking in. It is rather ridiculous!

LOL!! ! oh, Prof, you assume way to much! that's not ME, that is the notorious DC MADAME Debra Jeane Palfrey that is!

Deborah Jeane Palfrey ran her high-end sexual fantasy business in a way she carefully designed to keep the feds at bay. (She didn't take a year of law school for nothing.)

In quintessential Washington style, the woman dubbed "the D.C. Madam" solicited male clients who paid up to $300 an hour and hired some 130 subcontractors — women as young as 23 and as old as 55 — under detailed employment agreements that required them to perform only lawful acts.

That worked for 13 years, then she was indicted on charges of running a high-class prostitution ring.

Now, rather than keep her clients secret, she has decided to unmask them — in the name of her legal defense. And she has elicited the help of ABC News to do it, turning over 46 pounds of phone records, a stack about a foot high, with the names of "thousands and thousands" of clients that, Palfrey promises, reach "high into the echelons of power in the United States."

Palfrey, 50, hopes the maneuver will produce witnesses for her legal defense, since none of her patrons have come forward voluntarily. But her strategy has led to one revelation that ended a top-level career and left official Washington with the feeling that more are to come.

Randall L. Tobias, a deputy secretary of State and the Bush administration's "AIDS czar," abruptly resigned late last week after acknowledging to ABC that he had used Palfrey's service, "but only to have gals come over to the condo to give me a massage." Tobias, who oversaw global AIDS funding, was in charge of enforcing a controversial policy that required groups to sign a pledge denouncing prostitution and sex trafficking in order to receive federal HIV/AIDS prevention money.

Tobias told ABC that "no sex" was involved and that he switched from Palfrey's shop to one "with Central American gals."

Now, classically divided Washington is split along new lines — those who dread the naming of names and a whole bunch of others who can't wait.
By Faye Fiore and Adam Schreck, Times Staff Writers

Welcome Sam!

I can totally relate. I have two teenagers, and feel similarly. The guilt is incredible, but as I've learned more about myself with AS, my guilt has decreased somewhat.

Congrats on such a courageous and honest post.

good gawd, did I stumble into the Married Aspie Thread?

Merle

I thought that was a picture of you too!
I'm surprised nobody here has recognized her, now that she's infamous and all.

About the split - that cracks me up. Well-written summary, by the way. You should be an investigative reporter for a public radio or news station. So I'm wondering if the split will be along party lines, with the conservatives quivering in their king-sized beds with their wives, and the liberals left laughing.

When I was ridding myself of a boyfriend/sex addict with the help of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (a decade ago), I was struck by the number of women who were there because their pastor/reverend/etc. husbands were addicted to sex. Randomly I'd say the entire community of women trying to deal with their sex-addicted men was about 50% religion-related. I've come to believe that all men are sex addicts (at least NT men) in one way or another. Your mileage may vary.

Oh s**t I seem to have strayed back into the "married" mode! LOL!

Well, I apologize for bringing my married stuff in here. Just really too upset to think.

No need to apologize, I don't think. Wow - you're pretty much allowed to do anything you want or need, given what you've had to go through today. I was making a joke at Merle's post, I hope I didn't offend you. I didn't mean to. I hope you read the posts made earlier in the day.

That's OK, Lissa. I should have posted in the married aspie thread. You've been very kind and I've been kind of in melt down mode. I just don't know how to extricate myself from the situation without coming to harm. I would post an update in the married thread.