The Dino-Aspie Cafe (for Those 40+... or feeling creaky)

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Like going on the walk with you Postie. Argh. That plane trip kicked my butt. I can't sleep on planes. I think I got 3-4 hours of sleep (it's hard to tell with the time changing like that). I can't believe how much the tickets are to Greece. I hope they come down by the time we go.

You know, I keep thinking about this and wondering how many of you feel the same. Even with Aspies, I don't want to be around them in person all the time. The whole idea makes me just about hyperventilate. I guess it's because work takes all I can do socialization-wise (word?). I get so tired from being around people that I just can't take any more no matter who it is (except dh). Even being around my brother for a week was a serious stretch and his wife really taxed me although I noticed he and dh tried to keep her in line. I get this way around my best friend now as well. I was better when I was younger. She and I could sit in the same room and write. We'd be completely comfortable, but now after a week I want to go home to my office.

I thought about going to the monthly AS meetings but then I thought they might want to come see me at home and I started to freak out. That really gets to me. I do not like people at my house, it makes me want to move (and I have moved over this many times in the past).

I guess I don't understand Autie retreats and the like. It makes me feel alienated even around here. Anyone else like this? Online is less so for me, but I've noticed in the past that I even start to freak out with that and have a tendency to just disappear to get away. I start to feel like I'm expected places and it starts to make me feel claustrophobic and tired.

I'm probably not wording this well. Coffee dude, I need more coffee. I'm rambling.

Ramble from the cave.

Going to invite or put myself in the aspie in the house, again. Not for a little, having one of those aha!! moments and need to watch it with new eyes. I have mentioned some place about a distant cousin which doesn't mean a damn thing because of my sense of family. Alone most all his life, a few friends that were "different" and they found a bond. He’s my age and I took him in. He had nasty habits and some he had to be almost scolded about, if he wanted to still come here. Yeah, he would go off on his world alternate histories and he knew my wife had a history major as well as an anthro. But he would make her nuts if I let him, back off she's my co-dependent not yours. His nasty habits as to apartment cleaning was getting him into trouble and I just couldn’t wade through it and still allow him to be comfortable. Couldn’t convince him to get minor housecleaning done from an outsider. I understand this a lot better now. Hell I could relate because I was more like he was then either of us really new. Did I fail? Did I succeed? Neither. Once in a while the wife will see him in the little city he had to move to, walking around looking disoriented and mumbling to himself. But by god I’ll never let him be under some bridge and he won’t be living here. He needs a keeper bad, but he needs one that understands wtf is going on. I can’t do it, nor can I try again. When I see him again, I'll mention this place.

Neighbor goes by, I had need of a hammer to split wood, he lent one to me. I was going to return it and asked about his son M. and he was asking me how I was feeling I said much better and I think they screwed up my DX again. Wow he goes that’s what his son was finally DXed with. His father can not relate even after knowing the better DX. He just doesn't get the picture, at all. Mother a little less so but still clueless. He had it bad growing up. I didn’t as badly, but only because I see now, Dad had big aspie traits. Even after I got out of the army we related again, I just didn’t know it and don’t think he did either, PTSD. Sooo, my next "nursing" job is to say hi to M, again. He's alone, no friends, on disability, doesn’t work, doesn't go out and his computer is broken. That's my mission. And like cousin it isn't a 24 hour gig. You will go home when I say I can't do it anymore. But he will know about this place and I will get his computer running again and he will know he is not alone. That much I can do, just like forcing myself into the woods, I sure as hell don't want to live there, but a visit wasn't so bad.

I pick and choose who comes in the house, but my wife has rights too. When family comes they know at some point I'll slip back into my cave and it's just me being normal. They extent the invite to me for all the occasions but understand I'm not snubbing them when I decline. I have control over my surrounding as best I can and I'm going to extend my boundaries more. If but for my own amusement. But there are times that even my cave is not comfortable, oh my yes there are.

Where the hell did that come from? Blame it on Zannemarie, she touched me again and if she doesn’t stop, SwampBlossom will get her. And she’s meaner then 10 rednecks and a Barbie doll clown. I know about her yes I do. She doesn’t fool me, sitting in the other room knitting. (She nesting, WOOT, that means she’s getting horny.)

So, is Karl still bound and gagged in the corner? Ever notice his rather large head? Kind of geeky looking even in a tux. Can't seem to dance very well. They say he can juggle rather huge volumes of info and doesn't need pencil or paper. Not sure but I don't think he made it through college. Wonder if we should force him to take the aspie quiz. If he doesn't want to, we'll just call him Bad Aspie Karl. That's just a thought. And some people find clowns scary? Maybe he really does belong here.

Lol, had another reacurring school dream. But this one was different, I wasn't lost and in terror. Nope, I was at Chucks sisters class and had a great time. Got her twice with my ping pong ball rifle.

Psssst, Chuck tell her the words she's looking for is "thank you".


Was strange falling asleep. Usually I'm staring down this kind of tunnel and it's sort of fuzzy around it. I don't want to sleep, I need to guard against that sleep, there is something at the end of that tunnel. I think I know what that is now. This time it was in vivid greens and browns panaramic woods, all the plants. It encompassed me but wasn't on top of me. I still don't want to live there, I like electricty, it is my friend.

Postie, Thanks for posting the pictures. I grew up in British Columbia and spent most of my childhood exploring the woods. I haven't seen those flowers in 24 years. They brought tears to my eyes. It is beautiful where you live!

Twice while we were on vacation I ran into the children and noise thing. Thank God dh doesn't like it either. He says they make noise and move around a lot. LOL They do! At the Luau there were some sixth graders who were graduating. ( I didn't know you graduated after six grade, but apparently they do now. ) Anyway, they were being noisy, celebrating and all and I had to get up and go out on the balcony several times. Dh came out there and we talked and later on danced. I am so glad that he understands that.

The thing people never understand with me is that it doesn't matter if I like them or they are interesting, I just can't take the contact for very long. Lunches and diners are best, but I find they all start inviting me and I can't handle much of that either. I can only handle it about once a month and I know too many who want to meet. It's hard. I feel bad for them because I know they can't understand, even when they think they do. I'll hear, oh yes, I'm introverted too, but it's not the same. I can be enjoying myself then suddenly have to leave and go straight to bed. That is not what happens to most people. I remember when I was young and we would have all the family over (aunts, uncles, cousins) and I would be found sleeping in a bedroom no matter whose house we were at. They just went with it. I don't remember ever being yelled at about it. I guess they all just thought that was me. I've always been that way. If I hadn't liked learning so much, I would have hated school with all those people, but I did like to learn. It was the best when they put me in the library to learn. I didn't have people all around me and the people in there weren't allowed to talk. That was heaven.

I find it funny that my job taxes me since it's 99.9% alone work.

When I left dh for awhile and worked at home, I never left my apartment except to walk the dog. I finally went back to the office because I knew if I didn't, I would disappear completely into myself and not come back. Sometimes I think that's what happens when you die. You go into yourself until you invert yourself and you don't come back. At least that's what I like to think.

It is good to know that I am not the only one who is like that. I tend to get very teary when exposed to people for too long. I swear the staff at my kids schools used to thing that I was severly depressed. I would get teary after a 5 minute discussion. I had to get over that to be able to make the school deal with T2 (my son). I walk in now and take control and then meltdown and cry all the way home.

I'm going to Edmonton this weekend to my brother's wedding. I told him that I willl come for the dinner and then I will go back to my other brother's house with all the kids because I know that I will be ready for a good cry an hour into the thing. Luckily, like your brothers, they understand!

Post old chap, marvelous pics ! !!
Quite beautiful colour ! !

Do post some more ! !!