Anyone 50+?

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Over fifty and finally people ae leaving me alone just a little. Managed to get a reputation as a crazy hermit and life is much more peaceful.
Won't last, somebody will want to help me again. Darn them anyhow.

52

@webalina I'd say try to develop an interest, an activity, ideally something you genuinely have a bit of interest in. Maybe helping and visiting an old lonely person, or baby-sitting to help a young couple, or volunteering locally.

@MasterSynapse how have you become happy? what is your formula or approach? Thank you

^ hello out there ^
Have often wished that as well, perhaps one of us could come up with something along those lines.

Being a crazy hermit does have its advantages. If you're a hermit, where do the people come from who want to 'help' you? Maybe you're not crazy enough? Either that or you're not reclusive enough. It would seem being in Alaska offers plenty of space for a person to cloister himself.

Turned 50 last year, got diagnosed with Aspergers, adhd & dyspraxia last month.

I did try working in a proper 9-5 job as an engineer once, but found the whole office politics thing too stressful and quit after about one year. Most of my life though I've been a professional artist, so I've been lucky enough to be able to pretty much control how much I mix with the outside world. And people expect artists to be eccentric anyway, so my weirdness wasn't too much of a problem socially.

In my personal life, my own communication barriers were a huge source of embarrassment and depression though, and for a long time I was very lonely as a result. Luckily I met a lovely woman who became my wife 8 years ago, and we now have two beautiful children ( one of whom is autistic). My wife is very understanding, and sees my Aspergers as simply part of the man she fell in love with.

For me being diagnosed was a big shock to the system, but also a huge relief. For the first time in my life I had a reason for all the embarrassing traits I had got so good at hiding, and now feel liberated to be myself at last.

I'm still discovering the complexity of my Aspergers, but that's cool because its almost like I have a whole new me to explore, and as an artist that is pretty exciting

You will have to excuse me if I seem a bit random, My mind is still spinning with trying to take it all in and trying tonmake sense of my new life.

I need to put this out there so I can stop thinking about it and go on with life.
EPITAPH OF A STRIPPED SCREW

I’m sitting here alone listening to the musak as if it were my friend, counselor, and confidante.
“Yea, we can work it out, we can work it out.” it sings. But NO, it’s just me thinking in a way that makes me feel better. Not “the man” pulling the strings, nor god, nor aliens can do that. Just me grasping at the music in the air because there is noone here.

I think my job has “gone-bad” and I have again failed to evade discovery. Was that my last chance? Do I just spiral down now to the bitter, painful end? Wait out what was supposed to have been my retirement check? Do I speed up the process and drink myself into oblivion? This isn’t working and I don’t want to try anymore.

I am a timid soul and came into this world ill fitted to the task at hand. I am a HFA and I’m female – in the 60s and 70s, I was not supposed to exist and I was good at hiding and blending.

I feel like one of those intricately formed screws which are intentionally made of soft metal that’s a scooch too big for the average screwdriver. This forces the owner to acquire a tool specifically formed for the job. Of course, most folks wouldn’t invest in the correct tool for this screw --- or, like me, didn’t realize that such a thing exists – and use what’s handy, and strip the screw.

I have spent years ratcheting that average screwdriver around in me, trying to force myself to do whatever it is that I’m supposed to be. And now I’m 50 - a tired, stripped and broken screw. Even a correct fitting driver will often fail to force me to turn. My health is failing. My heart is failing.

How does one recover a stripped screw like me? One does not. The screw gets drilled out and thrown in the trash. Or like a horse with a badly broken leg, shot and used for dog food (I prefer cats).

It’s clear that I can’t be what the world demands. I don’t understand some of the rules. I physically can’t play by them sometimes. I often can’t remember them. I often can’t “read-between-the-lines”. I can’t relate when my world has no common frame of reference to their world. I often can’t connect and get the rules explained – yet again. These things - these strings - that come with the human connection - are too many and so painful that sometimes I can’t even hear the explanation.

At 50, is it even worth it to find support for me now and get help? Oh, I suppose if someone wanted to, they could put in the effort to refill the stripped hole in the screw and then remold the fit. But the fix will be more expensive than the screw itself and will be as painful as all the pain already suffered, combined. The fix will never stick, nor be strong or lasting.

I don’t belong here - better yet, that screwdriver never belonged inside me in the first place. I hurt. I hurt. I hurt… and I am so tired. I want to be soooo DONE playing this stupid game.

Unfortunately, because of the lie I have been living, I’ve taken on responsibilities and created yet another “affected” life which needs to be advocated for, nurtured and protected from the as*hole world we live in. I have to continue… I must stay here, keep a good job, keep a house and find a way to help my son learn to create his own joy and purpose in this life. But I don’t know how and I am in hell.

On the other side of the coin (an opposite viewpoint), it could have been worse. I could have been institutionalized in the 1960’s – been locked up, defenseless, neglected, raped, brutalized until I was murdered or died of injuries or neglect.

Ezra

l turn 60 in late August, - Nay, 41! I missed that, - seriously! It was so scary turning 40, that I chose to miss 41
I have decided to ignore chronological age.

Ditto here.

>-- 60+

As a young adult, I had no idea of what to expect, just exploring and trying to finish a Uni degree. I am quite proud of what I achieved.
If someone had told me then what I would do, I would not have believed them, it was too far out of my expectations.

^That's funny...

I was in a training class on pipelines for a job once, and the instructor made a reference to the gas "shortages" and the lines at the pumps in the 70s. She didn't get much of a reaction to her statement. I looked around and found that I was probably the only person in the class other than the instructor who was old enough -- or even born! -- during that time. I mentioned it to the instructor afterwards and we had a good laugh about it. I guess it's one of those things I should have let go, but like seeing a sign in front of a store with a misspelling, I can't just leave it alone.

Almost 50, will be in January

It's interesting to read you guys, It would be interesting to know how do you feel or what do you think about aging with asperger.

Do you have any fears? or expectations in your future?

New topic just check!! !

hope to read your post!! !

Yes I am over and 50 still working as a special education teacher ( getting harder to do that ), I'm twice divorced with two kids that I raised as a single mom and five grandkids that I love and wish I had more time and energy for. I lost my mom in 2010. I miss her so much. My life has been very difficult and sometimes and I feel guilty a lot because I just can't do everything that I feel like I should do. My children love me though, that's my greatest blerssing. Life gets lonley and sad sometimes.

"I was happier when I thought it was everyone else who was weird"

Everyone else is weird. Just because there are more NTs doesn't make them more right or "normal". It just means the systems we have to live with operate in ways that work for them and not so well for us.

From a good children's book- People with Asperger's are not broken or damaged, or somehow less than 'normal' people. We do not need to be 'fixed' and we don't 'suffer' from Asperger's as if it's a disease. Sure we may think and act and learn differently from others, but different can be a good thing


I'll be 52 this summer. The past few years have been hard for me and there's not much light at the end of my tunnel right now. One thing I try to keep in mind is that much research around the world has shown that most people are at the unhappiest time of their lives around this age. I keep thinking that if I can just get through a couple of more years things will get better.

Part of this, for women, is hormonal changes that come with menopause, IMHO. Between that and Asperger's some days I think I'm going crazy. I'm hoping this will balance itself before long.

Because I'm new here I can't post a link, but there's an interesting article with a nice age chart talking about unhappiness around this age from The Economist that says "The good news is that, as people continue to age, they report feeling happier and happier until their mid-80s, when (on average) they’re happier than they’ve ever been." You can search for this to read the article.

I think part of getting happier as we get older is caring much less what other people think.

I think being older we've had time to sort out whats important enough to stress over and let the rest ride.. I know... a a few years back i figure out that life is all hills and valleys and nothing lasts forever,, the good times or the bad.. when i realized that things got a lot more bearable.. It is hard to face reality that I will mostly likely be alone for life,,, but that is becoming more bearable also.... age does tend to mellow things out.

I hit the half century mark back in March. Divorced, two kids in their 20's. Some what successful (at least making a living wage) in the IT industry.