Adult bullying

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If those of you who have fallen victim could just prove it somehow, you could probably sue for hate crime. Regardless of how you view AS, anything done to you because of your AS qualifies as hate crime from what I have understood, and hate crimes are generally taken seriously. Though of course with our luck, we'd be the one group not taken seriously.

This is ultimately the problem - the way they see it is different from our logic: if you're someone who attracts bullying/scapegoating, then YOU are the one they don't want in the organization. Bullying and scapegoating are considered an instinctive, natural reaction of humans. YOU're seen as the trouble because YOU bring out the worst in people. YOU harm the work.

This is why people don't turn to their bosses even if they have proof of the bullying. They try to find a way to solve it without HR or management, and if they can't, they leave.

The only thing that might cause management/HR to act against the bullies to protect you is if they believe you have substantial proof and they have reason to believe that you're going to take this to Court and prove that HR+management knew and did nothing about it.

All this is so standard procedure, that you acting in any other direction is bound to fail, leaving YOU hurt from all sides. The only thing that could help you is to threaten management + HR, but in such a way that it can't be said to be a threat - or it'll backfire severely for you. Just hint (very clearly) that you have written/recorded proof which is 100% good for Court, and that if you have to go to Court, you'll incriminate first and foremost HR + Management.

If you are already at a stage where you have nothing to lose, then you can use this as a tactic even if you don't have the proof.

One way of threatening HR+M is to say "All these abusive emails I've been getting from him are workplace harrassment and illegal". Then they know you have written proof of abuse, and they know that you're thinking about Court because of the legal terminology you're using. And they can't say it was a threat, but they know very well you're threatening.

thank you for that, which clearly spells everything out.

We aspies, with our limited ToM, often forget that the key to any conflict with people is to look at the situation from THEIR perspective.

Then, in any conflict, each party has a different interest. You have to play your cards according to the interests of each - or else they all form a block against you that's impossible to manage. You have to separate the parties, by making sure they don't end up all with the same interest (getting rid of YOU). You have to give each party something DIFFERENT to worry about.

NTs know this instinctively.

I must be lucky, as I didn't run into much bullying. Of course, as the Garth Brooks song goes, "I got friends in low places."

The few times I was bullied as a kid, it was usually girls, who were almost always trying to get their hands down my pants.

For most of my adult life, my problem was always office politics. I simply refused to play that game. I was always of the opinion, judge me on what I do, not how I schmooze. In addition, I always had the tendency to "bite off more than I could chew." Many are the time I brought work home with me because a few idiot salespeople would go crying to the president of the company I worked for because their client (mostly school libraries) was being pressured by their school district's administration.

If you think dealing with school district administration was bad, try dealing with Department of Defense. Government, in general, HATES contractors. We have Bonzo's keeper, Ronald Reagan, to thank for that, since contractor employees are treated as peons.

I'm normally a very nice guy, as well as very passive, but you DON'T want to hack me off.

Also, being a musician, you are expected to be a perfectionist. We have the recording industry to thank for that, with all the editing techniques that are employed, no one gets to see or hear all the hard work and wood shedding ( slang for repeating a passage that gives you trouble, until it becomes second nature.)

my AS result image looks very much like yours, (the same peaks and drops, but just different numbers) I have this same struggle. I agree completely. This is a good identification of it. +1

A few years ago, after four years of bullying by a manager, I woke up one morning and couldn't motivated myself to get out of bed and go to work. I lay there all day. The trauma of it all had accumulated to a critical mass point.

I took sick leave, (the manager responded by pestering my doctor with phone calls and illegally demanding information from my medical records) took the b...h to court, won the case, and left.

Nearly all of the adult bullying I have experienced has been in the workplace. Bully Online is a good resource on the net.

Fight back!

Examples of bullies:

1. I was bullied by someone who I thought was my friend. Although she did not call me any names, she constantly said things in sneaky ways that were put downs. She also seemed to enjoy making me jealous of purpose by rubbing it in when she got things that I wanted. This was by bragging about things and thinking that it was funny to put herself up because she was so insecure.

2. I had some work place bullies at one of my last places of employment: The boss, who had a child with Autism, seemed to make lots of catty remarks and call people who I know inappropriate names. Then I noticed that she had a habit of getting people gifts when they got married, were moving on, or getting a new home. When it came to me, I did not get a card or anything while no one from work came to my housewarming open house.

Then there was another bully at that workplace who appeared to be my friend and acted like it for a while. Well I found out that she latched herself onto me just to go behind my back to lie about me and make fun of me. She also tried to turn everyone at work against me by spreading things. Luckily no one believed her since she was a well known liar who got in trouble all the time. In the mean time I was pretty intimidated by her once I found out that she hated me and had been lying.

Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 09 May 2014, 8:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Wow, that's profound. Never understood that so clearly before.