Any Aspies/High Functioning Autistics living on their own?

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mitharatowen
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12 Jan 2009, 3:12 pm

I live with my husband but I lived in my apartment by myself for a few months before he moved in and he didn't have a job for a few months even after that so I paid everything myself for quite a while.

Even now I pay over 60% of the bills.

I probaly had more privacy when I was living at home, though. I've been married for 9 months now and I'm really starting to miss my alone time.



Nan
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12 Jan 2009, 7:10 pm

ruveyn wrote:
JML101582 wrote:
I would like to know is how do you guys plan on living on your own despite your condition which requires you to have alot of common sense and soical interaction when you move out?

I am a 25 year old male and still live with my parents so is there anyway I could move out of my parents' house and move into an Aspie community in the Seattle area or live in an apartment. Because I have slightly above average intellegence and I am a few credits away from graduating Edmonds Community College.

If you have any tips for me, I could sure use them, thanks!


I learned I was an Aspie long after I was on my own which was from about the age of 20. I am now 73. Since I never "knew" I could not be on my own, I went on my own. I think there is a lesson. I am not sure what it is.

ruveyn


The lesson I'd see in this is that you shouldn't let other people tell you what you are and/or are not capable of. Just do it.



Ahaseurus2000
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16 Jan 2009, 12:54 am

I currently live on my own. I've tried flatting with others but usually end up with dysfunctional people, nutters, or I otherwise feel driven mental because of a particular person.

Occasionally people use the area above my studio flat / bedsit, I cope with that well. I've realised I need my own space and any people living with me need to be extremely well adjusted.

still, I've learned alot from flatting with others.


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regularguy
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16 Jan 2009, 12:59 am

I live on my own, having recently moved to a new neighborhood that I really like. I'm hoping I'll eventually have a wife and kids living with me, but am not there yet.


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BellaDonna
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20 Jan 2009, 4:56 am

I have been living on my own (mostly) since I was 16.



Keeno
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24 Jan 2009, 9:10 am

I have lived alone continuously for the last 12 years now.

I also had my four years at university before that, where technically I was independent, but not always living alone, which was very difficult (halls of residence, sharing flats).

In my 12 years living alone I have certainly coped consistently well in things like finance. However I can say that otherwise, I have not lived alone without serious amounts of difficulties and trauma.

I have repeatedly ended up with problem neighbours, wherever I have lived (5 addresses in those 12 years). My moves have been more to do with trying to "trade up" in the property market than anything else. But I have had so much of what's been no less than trauma, pretty much all of that from neighbours, and that's been a factor too.

Perhaps being alone, and being an Aspie with the different presentation you have can make you a target. To be honest the only reason I will stay in Edinburgh - a city with high house prices - is the involvement I have with Asperger's here. That is a BIG reason for me to want to live here, and outweighs all the difficulties I have had. Even if you're on quite a good wage like me, maybe another reason for my difficulties is that the bar is set high enough in the housing market here that you'll end up only being able to afford places where you'll have trouble, particularly if you live alone and have one income rather than two. All things considered I live alone, though, because I really need my space.

With things like that in mind I'm intending, as head of the AS society here, to push for less vulnerable housing situations for the independent adult Aspie, as part of an agenda for our next meeting to assess where Aspies could do with better services. Perhaps less vulnerable situations might be specific AS/autistic housing blocks, and/or simply better support for a population that can be vulnerable.



BellaDonna
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24 Jan 2009, 11:40 am

I have mostly lived in rough low income housing areas. i havnt had any choice and the amount of times I've been threatened with rape. It isnt very nice.



Keeno
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24 Jan 2009, 9:16 pm

That's another reason I would want to push for a better deal for Aspies, housing wise. I can see that the whole housing thing can be especially traumatic. You shouldn't have to live like that. I hope that some day you will be in better circumstances.

The areas I have lived in have not been particularly rough, and have not been particularly low income areas, and most people wouldn't have a problem there. That I have continuously had problems even then is surely bad luck, and is a more localised thing than simply the type of neighbourhood because it is particular neighbours, but might also highlight the need for better support for Aspies. If you ask me, the socialisation part of Asperger's is really a potential problem, one that cannot be underestimated, when it comes to living in a neighbourhood.



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24 Jan 2009, 9:22 pm

That is why I have always tried to have a boyfriend with me. Even though they havn't always been the best of relationships. Atleast I have felt safe. When there is a man around people just leave you alone and every time I was left alone - I was pursued relentlessly by other men.

I live in a safer suburb now and so don't have to worry so much but I still at times feel unsafe.



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24 Jan 2009, 10:43 pm

I do agree that it depends on how well you otherwise function. My son has high functioning autism. There were definitely some problems for him when he graduated from university to live on his own. I can't tell you how many panicky phone calls his father and I got. But he did it. It is a learning curve, just like everything else, I guess. The thing is, you will screw up and make mistakes--everyone does that. But if you learn from it and don't repeat the mistakes, you are getting wiser. Wisdom, after all, comes from making mistakes.
Right now, my son is renting a house with a co-worker who has Asperger's and is more severly socially handicapped than my boy. I would say that the biggest problems my son has encountered are
1.) organization. He has to keep his bills and tax papers, etc. all together, or at least know where they are when he needs them. That has been a problem.
2.) keeping his health up. He has not made an attempt to find a doctor or dentist where he lives. I am crossing my fingers, hoping he doesn't have a health emergency and end up with nowhere to go and no medical records.


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ruveyn
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25 Jan 2009, 4:33 am

JML101582 wrote:
I would like to know is how do you guys plan on living on your own despite your condition which requires you to have alot of common sense and soical interaction when you move out?

I am a 25 year old male and still live with my parents so is there anyway I could move out of my parents' house and move into an Aspie community in the Seattle area or live in an apartment. Because I have slightly above average intellegence and I am a few credits away from graduating Edmonds Community College.

If you have any tips for me, I could sure use them, thanks!


Finish school, get a job with sufficient wages (good luck to you in this economy) and stake out your own claim to living. Your parents won't be around forever.

ruveyn



BellaDonna
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25 Jan 2009, 5:03 am

ruveyn wrote:
JML101582 wrote:
I would like to know is how do you guys plan on living on your own despite your condition which requires you to have alot of common sense and soical interaction when you move out?

I am a 25 year old male and still live with my parents so is there anyway I could move out of my parents' house and move into an Aspie community in the Seattle area or live in an apartment. Because I have slightly above average intellegence and I am a few credits away from graduating Edmonds Community College.

If you have any tips for me, I could sure use them, thanks!


Finish school, get a job with sufficient wages (good luck to you in this economy) and stake out your own claim to living. Your parents won't be around forever.

ruveyn


My IQ is above average but I am still unable to work and I am supported by disability payments which has hardly been enough to survive. I have been homeless and during those times I have had to live with men - i would have other wise preferred not to. I try and get work and have worked supervised with other people with disabilites. I tried my best but it didn't work out. I lost my job. It is easy to say become self suffcient and to be honest I am at lost as to how some other aspies can be - in regards to education and gaining employment.



Keeno
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25 Jan 2009, 10:23 am

A partner living with you certainly helps. Being alone and in apparent isolation can make you vulnerable. If you've a partner living with you, you might not have these types of vulnerabilities. That is what I need. Easier said than done though when you are a male Aspie as opposed to female. Being female, you're not the one having to do the chasing in this world.



BellaDonna
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25 Jan 2009, 10:45 am

Men don't get sexually harrased and attacked living on thier own like women do.



Keeno
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26 Jan 2009, 8:07 pm

Yes, that's totally true. But if they live alone and appear isolated, they can have other vulnerabilities which are not the same as what a female has to put with.



AC132
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28 Jan 2009, 4:40 pm

I always saved money... I didn't have much I wanted (I'm not very materialistic) so after a few years of being in work (just office stuff) I had enough for a deposit on a house. I have now lived on my own for almost eight years and I have loved every second of the alone time and have never looked back.

I too only realised I had AS recently, about four years ago. I guess this means I also never knew *I shouldn't* be capable. I cook (well, open tins and heat the contents!), do my washing and ironing. My house isn't spotless, it is untidy; most of the time I can't be bothered to tidy up, but it's only me here, so if I don't care, there's no one else to bug me about it.

I am very unadventurous and analyse things a lot, this helps with decisions and planning and being naturally a saver means I don't need to actively budget - I am lucky that I do that automatically.

I'm female and I've never had any hassle re. harrassment or feeling vulnerable. I think it depends on the area you live in and I really keep to myself. I'm not sure anyone except a couple of neighbours and family and friends even know I'm here :wink: I am aware and alert, but not afraid or intimidated.