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It's interesting: my experience is exactly the opposite. I started counting up couples I know (and I ran out of fingers) where the woman is the primary breadwinner. And it's not like it's a big thing, either, it just is what it is (by this I mean that I don't perceive any kind of implied superiority or nasty power struggle; it's more the result of choice of field or bad luck due to the economy or whatever). And I was the same (I'm a woman) in both my marriage and my one long-term relationship before that.

Like any other institutionalized power-based inequity, sexism is damaging primarily because it doesn't seek to examine itself, ensconced in its own comfort and privilege. But that can serve as a motivating force for those who are affected. Example? My high school went co-ed a few years before I attended it, and I can't tell you (again, I run out of fingers) how many of the teachers of "traditionally male subjects" had issues with having to teach girls. So what did I do? Went to an all-women college and haven't looked back. My prowess in math and science has led me to a comfortable living (thank God), which is great because my rigid thinking would prevent me from ever, *EVER*, consenting to live off of someone else. I even pay my own way on dates.

Thank you for letting me horn in. I now return you to your previously-scheduled single-sex thread...

That's encouraging news. I think sometimes I get needlessly dismayed by the stereotypes. Actually, to my mind, your stand against living off somebody else is a good feminist thing to do - economically independent women don't need to worry about the financial problems of leaving a relationship, so in theory they should be able to command more respect from Hubby

Talking of working women, look what our UK gov (Tories) are cooking up for the ladies:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/thereporters ... _role.html

Don't know if Easton's notion is correct, but Jill Kirby (Tory) seems to pretty much admit that she likes the idea of going back to the "women stay at home" thing......I trust she will lead by example and resign immediately. I guess a woman in a top job will betray ordinary women just as readliy as a male elite would.

Mother of God. I would put a bullet in my head by the end of the first day. Spoken as someone who stayed home during two maternity leaves.

Strange you should say that - back in the day (ca. 1970), although I felt very threatened by the new idea of female partners working (the workplaces I saw at the time were breeding grounds for affairs, and also I didn't want to lose a big chunk of my quality time with my partner just because we worked different hours), I also knew what it was like to be confined to the home, because that's what happened to me when I was a child, and I never felt so lonely and bored in my life, so although it was my mum's wish to work that incarcerated me (she didn't want me outside in danger while she was working so she locked me in the house), I still couldn't quite find it in my heart to join the "a woman's place is in the home" brigade.

What is this? Are men posting all over the "women's list too?

Don't know where you're getting your information, but that's not correct. It's still around 60 cents to the dollar, in favor of men.

And what "evidence" are you talking about? What does "pay your way in marriage" mean, anyway? You want to keep a running tab of who buys what?


Wow ... all this poison spilling out of people here because of a silly internet forum, or lack of one. You guys sound like a bunch of five-year-olds squabbling because your sister got more ice cream than you did. Grow up, for chrissake.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equal_pay_for_women
"The report commissioned by the International Trade Union Confederation in 2008 shows clearly that, based on their survey of 63 countries there is a significant gender pay gap; on average 15.6%, which means that `women earn on average 84.8% of men's earnings' [1] Women who are engaged in work in the informal economy have not been included in these figures."

And in my direct experience of 2 English universities, men and women are paid the same for the same job. That also seems to be true of school teaching careers. We have an Equal Pay Act that outlaws pay discrimination against women.


My current wife would be a good example of poor evicence of pulling her weight financially. She earns more than I do but the money has always flowed from me to her, and she seems to feel very strongly that it wouldn't be a proper relationship if it were otherwise.

"Paying your way in marriage" for me means each partner contributing financially according to their means, so if both partners are earning the same wage, the contributions from each would generally be the same. It shouldn't be necessary to keep a score sheet - I've had partners who simply see the point and don't want to take advantage of their gender to line their pockets, and there's been no need to monitor their support. But if you get a non co-operative one who keeps taking more than she's putting in despite a comparable income, then a running tab might be the only way to work out who's freeloading. Though in the worst cases, money will leak so rapidly towards the woman that the inequality will be almost impossible to ignore.

You're entitled to your opinion of course. But don't imagine I'm concerned with a few pennies........even on my meagre allowance and with Aspie perfectionism, I can afford to overlook a couple of ice creams. I'm talking about thousands of pounds here.

Get a divorce then if it's so bad

Just because your wife is x, y or z doesn't mean all women are

I'm currently looking at just that, though not particularly because of her financial expectations. After all, I've got total control over my own money, so if I don't wish to hand it out, I don't have to. No joint accounts here.

I guess it's somebody else you're accusing of misogyny. I gave examples of both greedy and non-greedy wiomen.

I was referring to this: "And although women's earning power is now comparable to that of men, I see little evidence that women are OK about paying their way in marriage"

Sorry if you thought I was saying that there are no women who are prepared to pay their way. All I was saying was that I haven't seen much evidence of it lately. I have to look right back to the 1970s to find that It seems strange to me that there are any women left who expect a subsidy even though the grounds for that subsidy (i.e. relatively poor income) have been removed. There still seems to be a mainstream ethos that sanctions the flow of money from men to women regardless of the economic status of the individuals concerned. I wish I were wrong and that the presumption was now "even Stephen" for all concerned. The whole financial thing of being a "kept woman" was once condemned by feminists as prostitution within marriage, but that was in the days when feminists were more idealistic, and were more likely to work towards a fairer, less competitive society. I think that nowadays feminism is more about looking after Number One, and using all means at the woman's disposal to that end, with no particular desire to build a better world.

I have had a question about this particular subject for some time now, and this seemed like the best place to ask it.

The studies show that 80% of diagnosed AS cases are male. Men are 4 times more likely to have this disorder than women yet as I am getting to know this site it seems that women comprise at least 50% of the respondents. Is this because women are more active in the community? Is this because the site is better known in certain circles that comprise a greater percentage of women? Is my characterization of the female population on WP incorrect? Any ideas?

How prevalent is sexual frustration among men with autism?

Who else has sex as a "special interest"?

Maybe I should have posted this in the Adult Issues forum...

I suppose almost everybody has sex as a special interest. Schoolboys are almost incapable of thinking about anything else, then they spend the rest of their lives gradually getting the subject back into perspective.

No sexual frustration here though. Age has its advantages. I still like it a lot, but I can take it or leave it.