Have you or anyone you know been raped?...

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I know someone like that - her dad was in a position of authority, so that must have made it worse. I suspect that sexual advances from men have been a feature of her life. I think she has been raped by other people as an adult also. I suspect that she's been in psychiatric care at one point or another.

She's a kindly, submissive sort with kids to take care of - she's in her thirties/early forties and she's an attractive gal. There's a lot of her life story that I don't know about but one doesn't like to ask.

Last edited by Tequila on 28 May 2010, 6:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Have you seen Irreversible? Now that is quite a horrible film, with a very lengthy and unpleasant anal rape scene.

I'm told that forced/rough sex fantasies are very common amongst women, whether they have been raped or not.

Am I? News to me

Women are statistically the biggest abusers, but they are assumed to be natural carers and put in positions of trust more readily and easily. Also such types of abuse woman perpetrate differ from those of men. Partly theres the practical side of lacking anatomical features that men posses. But also there is more psychological/emotional abuse involved assumed to be natural carers.

All humans are capable of malice, sadism and other wonderful behaviours of humanity.

In the care industry I've come across plenty of female abusers. I recall a support worker once taunted a young man with downs syndrome by partially revealing her breasts to him. Taunting that he was never going to have sex.

I actually think the really nasty business are when women are abusive to other women. This is the kind of cultural mysoginy perpetrated by woman that sustained by the oldest generation of woman in a society. Such as the practice of kidnapping woman into forced marriages in central asia, female circumcision, domestic violence and sexual inequality. This is the sort of thing that prevents a change in culture that would allow progress to be made

Umm...yeah. I have been. Never talked about it with anyone but will when I start my counseling back up to figure out this whole Asperger's stuff and how to move forward. But, yeah 4 times. The fifth time in my mind may be questionable...I dunno. I'm guessing that I'm an easy target for it to happen that many times.

To answer the OP/TC...it really just sucks. I hate thinking about it but, I have to if I have to work through it at therapy. I get really crazy when I start to think about it and it scares me to confront it. but, yeah...just totally sucks.

Ugh, that's terrible. A sick part of me thought SHE would be asking for it.
My mom used to work in an elderly home, and some women neglected people. One old person starved to death because they just kept forgetting to feed her (she had to be fed through a tube). It's wrong.

I'm sorry the thread caused people to get angry I'm even more sorry you people who have been raped have had to go through such terrible things. I'm not in much of a position to think I've had a bad life!

No, you didn't -- and I'm a bit of an expert, having been in nearly the same circumstance. In my case, I'd been cuddling with a guy, and he forced me to perform oral sex (please, no one ask why I didn't bite; I was in shock). I was not inviting it by drinking (I was unaware the fruity drinks people were pressing on me had alcohol in them). I was not inviting it by cuddling him. I did not invite it by being a naive 18-year-old away from home for the first time.

Furthermore, like you, I thought for ages I had asked for it. Like I said, I'd cuddled him. I'd flirted with him, and I'd gone off alone with him. I figured that, while it wasn't the victim's fault for anyone else, in my case I'd been stupid and asked for it. And I'll freely admit I was attracted to him -- hence the flirting and cuddling. He was very good looking and seemed nice (which is why I agreed to go somewhere alone with him). I blamed both of us.

Then one day, out of nowhere, it hit me -- I WAS NOT TO BLAME. Not in any way. I said, "no," when he first asked. I said, "no," when he pinned me down. I said "no" when he forced my mouth open. It doesn't matter how I'd behaved or what I'd done earlier in the evening. What happened was NOT MY FAULT.

And what happened to you was not because you "invited" it. It was because someone decided to hurt you for the power rush it gave them. The second you got drunk, it became rape. Even had you not been drunk, the second you said "no," it became rape. Nothing else matters...not how you felt before or after it happened. You did not invite what happened to you anymore than I invited what happened to me!

I think this is a little too deep for this forum. My concern is that it might open up emotions and issues that some members can't handle in an online setting. My wife was molested as a little girl, and although I won't pretend to begin to understand what that causes emotionally for the victim, I see enough to know it's not a little issue that a few strangers should be popping comments about.

Charles

I don't think any topics should be taboo on here. If it is a topic someone is sensitive about, they shouldn't read it.

As a rule, I agree on not making anything taboo; as I see that freedom as being part of the forum. My concern is on the particular subject of rape, and how in my understanding, it's a much more dynamic issue than most other things discussed here and elsewhere on the Internet. I just wouldn't want to see someone opening up repressed feelings unknowingly, which probably are better opened up under professional care.

Rape is a touchy enough emotional grenade inside it's victims, even in the company of NT people with great empathy skills. I know I lack most of those skills, as some or many of us on the forum probably do, which seems to me would make it a very poor environment to share that particular personal issue within.

Again, just an opinion, and with all due respect to those here who are my senior forum members.

Charles

Last edited by kx250rider on 29 May 2010, 1:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.

There's a time and a place for rape jokes. That place is Sickipedia.

No one's making any jokes about rape. :S

You have a point Charles. I will admit I have no understanding how people's emotions would be dangerous if they open repressed memories on here, versus in a psychologist's office.

For those who have fantasies about forced sex &/or rape, I say be very careful what you wish for! I never enjoyed any of the sexual abuse I went through. I find it disgusting that anyone could even fantasize about something so despicable! At the very least, it's an act of disrespect, at the worst it's an act of terrorism, designed to control the person on the receiving end. The incidences below do NOT include actual details...they are now just memories of what I experienced. I am not making light of what I endured, but it's vivid enough to paint a clear picture.

I believe I was having sex when I was still in diapers (obviously NOT consensual, since I was still too young to voice opposition). It could have happened just once or it could have happened multiple times...I have no actual memories of it happening at all. I only realized this at the age of 47 after an attempted surgical procedure to correct gynecological issues that have long since plagued me for years. It was discovered that I have only one ovary & half a uterus. I asked the doctor, & he wouldn't come right out & say I had been sexually abused, but he did say I had suffered some sort of trauma. I was told since I could remember by my adoptive mother that I'd had surgery to fix a herniated ovary. Nothing was ever mentioned about parts removed! I never questioned her. Never suspected that she could have lied or covered up what really happened. I don't know who did it, but my mother HATED me since I can remember. Perhaps it has something to do with what happened? I honestly don't know. My adoptive dad also wasn't fond of me either. There was lots of physical & emotional abuse that occurred during my childhood. Not just sexual in nature. Looking back, I seemed to have a better understanding of sex than other kids my age. I had horrible nightmares, some so gruesome that I still remember the scenes vividly (all of them involved violent acts & death). Thank God, I learned to read by the age of 3. It was my one place where I could escape my reality, my sanctuary. I can remember having long crying sessions, feeling unloved & sad most of the time, having major issues with constipation, & other physiological, side effects. However, none of the doctors or shrinks suspected sexual or physical abuse. I dunno, maybe because it was a taboo subject in those days. On the outside, I guess we seemed to be a normal family. No professional ever questioned me about why I acted the way I did (often acted out, & also had a lot of anger & rage)...but I sure got a lot of disapproval from most people who knew me. I constantly heard that I was a horrible vile creature.

Then there was the 3 years (from 9-12) that I was molested by a friend of my parents. There was no actual sex, no penetration. While I didn't like what he was doing to me physically...there was French kissing, groping, etc, he gave me something that no one else was at that time, attention. I was starved for it because I didn't have friends ,& my parents were either physically abusive or neglectful of my needs. Any affection, even if it was "yucky," was better than nothing at all. He even asked my dad permission (granted!) to take me off in some orange groves, & he molested me while my dad was just a few feet away. Once my parents took me over there & they were both on horseback. They insisted that I be placed behind the perpetrator on his horse. Once my butt was behind him, he had his hand in my crotch. This was just feet from both of my parents! I guess neither of them could see. I was obsessed with horses which is why I didn't react. Horses are easily spooked by sudden noises or actions. When I was 12, he tried to lure me back into his bedroom (my parents were talking with his wife in the kitchen or maybe the living room). I refused! My mother suspected it, & in an off hand way threatened me, so I kept quiet. I was afraid my dad would go to jail for killing the monster. Not long after I refused his advances, he went to jail for murdering an unarmed man. I still blame myself because I never told anyone. I fell that maybe if I had, that 22 year old would not have been killed by the monster who molested me.

After that, I was date raped. Yes it was painful, yes I still remember it in a distant foggy way. I was 20 or 21 at the time. He blamed it all on me. I guess I was sending him mixed signals...something I was completely unaware of. Often if any man tried to hug me, I would tremble uncontrollably after that. Embarrassing! I couldn't explain it either. And I certainly didn't want to let on I had been raped or molested. I felt dirty, ugly, & undesirable as it was...I felt that saying something would only emphasize my lack of self esteem.

I was married at the age of 24 to a different man. My then husband weighed about twice was I weighed. He'd pin me underneath him & go on so long that I would be raw & bleeding from the experience. I learned to do my best to tune him out until he finished with me. Sometimes he would put me in a position where I would be in intense pain, where it hurt so bad, I was immobilized, I couldn't hardly breathe let alone cry out. NOT a nice guy! He never hit me, so no one ever suspected. I constantly heard "How nice he was." Yeah real nice...I never spoke about the pain & misery he caused me on a regular basis. He was also addicted to porn. Maybe he even learned some of his techniques from all the stuff he watched or the magazines he purchased. I was far too embarrassed to tell anyone. I believe also that Aspergers also helped me to survive, however it has also been a huge hindrance, since I could tell no one what happened & have them believe me. So for me, it's quite the double edged sword. I left him in 1999. As bad as the physical treatment he'd dish out was, it was nothing compared to the divorce I went through. There was no support from anyone. My ex ended up with sole custody of our 2 daughters, even after I pleaded with everyone involved with my case to listen to me. He didn't want them, he just didn't want me to have custody because 1, he knew it would hurt me most since they were my only biological family; 2 he didn't want to pay me support. I still have unresolved anger & rage over what's happened in my life.

However, I have remarried. It took him a long time to get me to trust him. He's a very sweet man, who's very respectful. He understands that I've endured stuff in my life that I shouldn't have. He can't handle hearing about the abuse though. It upsets him to no end. I rarely ever get to see my kids, & it hurts that I always have to initiate it, & I have do almost all the driving. That's a painful chapter that still hurts to this day. We did adopt a little dog last year, & he has helped to heal some of my pain. I have tried going to shrinks, & none of them know how to handle my past. Sucks to have a shrink sit across from me & have the gall to ask me how I survived so many terrible events. It doesn't help! I've tried calling the toll free numbers for sexually abused/rape survivors, & none have been helpful. I think Aspergers still gets in the way of helping me to heal from my past. So-called psychology experts just don't know how to deal with my issues. I do find forums such as this one to be a good source for venting & learning that I am not alone or unique anymore.

That sounds hard. I don't know what to say. But I'm glad you're with a good person, now.

I found out my friend was almost raped the other day actually. Scary it can happen to anyone. She was alone on a bus, and the driver parked in a dark place and tried to attack her and touch her and do more. Luckily she is a strong, feisty girl and fought him off, and called the cops. I'm so glad it wasn't one of my other friends, because they are a lot less strong.

A guy attempted to rape me many years ago, I couldn't believe what was happening, being a tall fit young (heterosexual) male you don't think about things like that happening. After a physical struggle and my bro's shirt getting ripped (which I'd borrowed) I ran for two city blocks before the guy gave up. I was quite upset and angry about it later.

I think WTF is wrong with people.
I can imagine wanting to hit someone but rape is incomprehensible to me.

The malice and cruelty expressed by others at times is so completely foreign to understand for me; that these people who commit acts like rape have more empathy and emotional development than me is preposterous. There is no way that I could rationalize destroying someones life just for a few moments of selfish satisfaction and feelings of power.

I have a close family member who was drugged and raped when she was underage and it was devastating to her life. She's been hospitalized on several occasions and I'm sure has suffered through it for all these years (she hid the act from everyone). I've contemplated tracking this person down and confronting him, but that just seems like it would cause even more problems. I just hope that the burden of regret this man should carry haunts him to this day. I don't see how he could live with himself after doing something so universally wrong without losing a part of his humanity.