Deciding to cut family off/out of my life.

Post Reply New Topic

I don't think family should be exceptions when it comes to cutting the bad influences out of your life.

I mentioned AS to my parents and they shot it down pretty quick. At least my dad did it over a pint, and I'm sure he's more AS than me, but he's completely oblivious. "We're engineers, that's how we are." That's kind of my point dad...

I had to cut my mum out, and reduce my contact with my sister because of repeated negativity and blame games - it was hard to move on with that around. While it's sad I don't have those people in my life, I don't regret eliminating the negative influences they had on me.

In my case, I felt bad for having to block my sister like the way I did. I also felt bad for having to write my dad that letter in telling him "No," and that I was not going to contact them at this point.

I also have a mother who is mentally ill and extremely is religious and will cram things down your throat. In fact, she will follow you around and force you to listen. When people put their foot down with her, then we are evil and we are going to hell.

I am also not bothering to contact my parents over the phone because they seem to be wanting something from me right now. My sister was the one who was telling me to contact them first by insisting that my dad is having panic attacks because I have not called them. I felt that was manipulative. (My sister learned this from her boyfriend) Then my dad seemed to send me a birthday card and tell me to call home and that they missed me. However, I knew that they seemed to want something. So I just did not give in. Especially since I felt like the card was a little sneaky.

Yes, they are mad at me but who cares, I am not a door mat for them to be walking on.

Hi shyengineer & welcome to the discussion.

You are absolutly right, just because someone shares our DNA (or if they were the source of the DNA) doesn't mean we "must" have a relationship with them. If it is dangerouse or detrimental, then go ahead and move on in your life without them.

Sure it hurts to cut someone off like this...but in my case I knew that what I needed/wanted in a relationship with them I would NEVER get & all that they want from me is what works out in their favor (ferry around their unliscensed 20 y/old son for example) so, that small pain fair outweighs the tremendous hurt they would have eventually done to me (again; it's not like any of this is new or anything!)

Summer_Twilight; there really is no communication with a mentally ill/mentally unstable person. As far as someone condemning you to hell, they aren't God & don't have the power. It really is a shame that can't get the help she needs (but then again, it isn't your place to get it for her).

If they REALLY want to communicate, why can't they call you or write you....why do you have to be the one to answer their beck & call? (rhetorical [sp?] question there: they want you to answer because then they are controlling you/the situation....whereas the whole point in distancing yourself from them is to empower you & give you control over your own life.)

to those of us strong enough to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH & I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE. (I'm past that point....I now enjoy a life without their drama/garbage).

So you think the next time they try to pull this is not to respond to their request period? That is something that I will work on.

That's exactly my plan. My phone has caller ID...I don't plan on answering their phone calls. They are such a lazy bunch that I doubt they'll try anything more difficult (like actually coming over to my house) but if they do, there is no law that says I have to even answer the door (I'd probably do that & politly inform them that I'm not interested in what they are selling:



(I really *should* get DH to make us a sign like that, with the exception being that we need to state that the Thin Mints HAVE to be Gluten-Free!)

Nice.

I don't think they will try to come down here anytime soon. I pretty well made it clear that "No means no," in my book.

Hello everyone, I am one that grew up not knowing what was different about them, only that something was. I have been on my own since I was 12 thanks to a mother whom rearguards money and materialism over important things. My father walked away from my siblings and I a while earlier. My brothers and sisters tried to keep up with my mothers materialism but it did not work for any of them. The only time I ever heard from any of them was when they wanted something. Money, advice, or some other thing, they want help when they need it but they made fun of my high IQ the rest of the time. Cutting them completely out of my life would seem a rather easy thing to do but it was not. No matter what they did, a small part wanted something from them, either acceptance, brotherhood, support, I really don't know.
I have found that what I was looking for could be received from others and they treated me like family even though we did not share a chromosome. No there is still a part of me that misses what my DNA contributors should have been and probably always will, but like the others have said, their is no law that say's you have to put up with the abuse or neglect. Now that I know I have aspie's I find myself going back and wondering if anything would be different knowing then what I know now. I do not think so as the selfishness would not have been changed by anything or it would have at some point, even a small bit.
If you have to cut out your family then you have to, just don't expect it to be an easy thing to do or that you will ever get completely over still wanting to be part of what you think they should have been. The heart want's what the heart want's, even for aspie's.