Have you ever been bullied on WP?

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Densaugeo
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20 Jun 2015, 12:04 pm

I remember that thread...seriously, he comes to an autistic forum, asks if he has autism, and then spends the rest of the thread complaining about people's tone.

He clearly has some issue though.

sorrowfairiewhisper
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20 Jun 2015, 12:09 pm

Haven't been bullied on the forums but on the chatroom I have
since I only respond to the wp forums and don't use the chatroom it has resolved itself.

Rocket123
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20 Jun 2015, 12:25 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:

Hello, somebody being rude or being a dick isn't bullying, it's being rude or being a dick. Bullying is targeted and continuous. You will know if you are being bullied, you won't just feel a little panty waist hurt feelings.

I liked this definition better (from http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/): "Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time."

As such, it doesn't have to be repeated over time. It's just the potential. I myself have been bullied by different people, multiple times in my life. Some of those incidents (fortunately) occurred only once. I remember one time, after the incident, I was so scared that I hid from the bully for several months, hoping he would not re-engage with that confrontational/aggressive behavior again.

I also agree that you will know if you are being bullied. The feeling I had when I posted this originally was a similar feeling I had when I was younger.

OliveOilMom wrote:

Get a clue and stop labeling every rude thing as bullying.

I find it interesting that you use this mean/rude language (about "getting a clue") in a thread about bullying. It seems, um, inappropriate.

AspieUtah
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20 Jun 2015, 12:28 pm

sorrowfairiewhisper wrote:

Haven't been bullied on the forums but on the chatroom I have
since I only respond to the wp forums and don't use the chatroom it has resolved itself.

I have avoided the chatroom. It is sad, actually, that certain individuals with ASD and maybe a few comorbids end up doing to their cohorts what is universally considered repugnant and offensive bullying. Is it because they, themselves were bullied? Is it their ASD? Their comorbids such as OCD/OCPD? Some narcissistic behaviors? Or, simply, unrestrained Oppositional Defiant Disorder?

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Rocket123
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20 Jun 2015, 12:34 pm

Densaugeo wrote:

I remember that thread...seriously, he comes to an autistic forum, asks if he has autism, and then spends the rest of the thread complaining about people's tone.

He clearly has some issue though.

In the thread you are referring to, the OP wrote: “I’d punch you in the face if you were standing in front of me”.

It was this comment, and this comment only, that brought back memories of when I was in middle school (when I felt physically threatened and went into "hiding" so that I wouldn't get beat up by the bully). While I wasn't thrilled about the words the OP used to describe me (being a “cold and callous dickhead” and having the “brain of an insect”), that didn't bother me nearly as much as being physically threatened.

OliveOilMom
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20 Jun 2015, 1:09 pm

Rocket123 wrote:

OliveOilMom wrote:

Get a clue and stop labeling every rude thing as bullying.

I find it interesting that you use this mean/rude language (about "getting a clue") in a thread about bullying. It seems, um, inappropriate.

"Get a clue" isn't mean or rude when I used it in that sentence, it's direct and to the point. It's a simple fact that not every rude thing is bullying and it's being labeled as such more and more today. It's time somebody got a clue and figured out and realized what is and isn't bullying. So, am I bullying someone by saying "get a clue"?

Also, what has happened to society that we are all now so thin skinned? Why is everybody so hell bent on being offended and caring so much what someone else says when it's not that important? I remember when the usual response to some rude douchebag was to ignore them or roll your eyes and go on. Now people are wanting to pass laws to prevent someone from saying something upsetting and go home and lick their wounds while watching for signs of PTSD which they surely must have after that guy in line at the bank cut in front of them and told them to suck it up he's late and going ahead of everybody else. I'm not saying that we should accept rude behavior, I'm saying that as a society we blow it out of proportion. It seems also that most people now feel that we all have a right to not have our feelings hurt. To be protected from offense. We don't though. We have a right to not be physically hit or hurt, but we don't have the right to not have to hear someone else's thoughts and opinions when they will upset us. It's all just too much and overboard.

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Waterfalls
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20 Jun 2015, 1:23 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:

Waterfalls wrote:

OliveOilMom wrote:

Bullying is targeted and continuous. You will know if you are being bullied, you won't just feel a little panty waist hurt feelings. Get a clue and stop labeling every rude thing as bullying.

I have often not realized I was being bullied, sometimes having a vague feeling something is not right but many times, not even that. I don't think I am the only one who has trouble recognizing that I am being bullied or am unsafe, and it can go either way, not seeing that one is being bullied or labeling as bullying something that seems mild to other people But isn't mild to the person experiencing it.

Trust me, I've been bullied a lot and I know it's not mild when you experience it.

But if I understand you correctly you are saying that it's a problem to not be offended more?

What is your definition of bullying? Mine is continuous harassment of a person based on dislike and not geared toward any goal, ie getting them to do something or other. Bothering somebody for bothering's sake. Just because. Somebody laughing at you when they see your fanny pack isn't bullying, even if they point it out to a friend. If they talk about you so you can hear it or make remarks to you about it or follow you around pointing and laughing, that is bullying. People now tend to label any rude interaction as bullying, when it's not. I've heard people say that it's bullying for someone to force someone else to take medication or eat food when they haven't eaten in a while, and that is harsh caretaking but not bullying.

I think we are talking about different things. I am talking about that sometimes I just don't see and understand that someone is lying and manipulating. Or that they just want to hurt me. I don't understand.

Bullying is an intentional act or series of actions and there are times that I see the actions, know I feel bad, and just can't see they did it on purpose. Therefore I only see mean or thoughtless I don't see bullying because I don't see the malicious intent. Sometimes even when someone has injured me I have assumed it was an accident or a sort of a seizure they couldn't help, because it's so hard to imagine what could cause the behavior, because it's hard to understand people lie.....for nothing more than power. I'm sorry if I'm being confusing, hope it makes some sense.

AspieUtah
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20 Jun 2015, 1:34 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:

...So, am I bullying someone by saying "get a clue"...?

The phrase implies that the other individual(s) is "clue"less. It is defined by Merriam-Webster as "don't be so stupid or clueless" ( http://www.learnersdictionary.com/definition/clue ).

OliveOilMom
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20 Jun 2015, 1:43 pm

AspieUtah wrote:

OliveOilMom wrote:

...So, am I bullying someone by saying "get a clue"...?

The phrase implies that the other individual(s) is "clue"less. It is defined by Merriam-Webster as "don't be so stupid or clueless" ( http://www.learnersdictionary.com/definition/clue ).

On that particular subject, some people do seem to be clueless. So it's wrong for me to seem to imply that some people are clueless when in my opinion they are? That is not exactly a huge insult. In fact, I don't really think "get a clue" would even register on anybody's scale of offense taken. Well, I'm sure there are some who would, but not many level headed people. And yes, I'm implying that those who take offense to the tiniest things are not level headed.

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Waterfalls
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20 Jun 2015, 2:01 pm

I thought seeming clueless was part of having ASD

Rocket123
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20 Jun 2015, 2:16 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:

So, am I bullying someone by saying "get a clue"?

I don’t believe you are bullying someone else by using that phrase.

However, I do consider that phrase to be confrontational. If someone were to say "Get a clue" to me, I would feel like that person is suggesting that what I said was stupid. Which is why I referred to the language as mean. And, it seemed unnecessary to include that in your post. The first part of your post was both useful and relevant. The confrontational language seemed unnecessary (to me). Anyway, that is how I interpreted it.

Waterfalls
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20 Jun 2015, 4:26 pm

I agree confrontational. But doesn't anyone else come to Wrong Planet because of being considered weird and clueless IRL?

And if that's why some people come here, I don't know, but what's wrong with just saying:,yes OOM I'm sometimes clueless, I'm doing my best, I've come so far, please don't insult me here at WP for who I am.....and deep inside I know you must like us OOM otherwise why come?

Or am I the only one the world says is clueless?

Amity
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20 Jun 2015, 4:32 pm

I can be fairly clueless about when I'm being bullied, but it becomes glaringly obvious once I realise thats what is happening.

Waterfalls
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20 Jun 2015, 5:53 pm

Amity wrote:

I can be fairly clueless about when I'm being bullied, but it becomes glaringly obvious once I realise thats what is happening.

Thank you!

I understand better now, but when I was a child I considered unkind acts and violence alike to be accidents unless the person announced they hated me, and sometimes even then. To me it was almost like sometimes someone would have a seizure. I wouldn't understand even when people hurt me.

I know OOM wasn't attacking me for being clueless, and OOM I hope it doesn't seem that way, because I don't think at all that you'd take advantage of someone that way.

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20 Jun 2015, 6:07 pm

Sometimes I just cant tell, I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, or reading the situation the wrong way. Usually by the time I realise what is happening it has escalated into a regular occurrence and there is little I can do to limit bullying at that stage, except ignore it.

Ooms post, I think needs to be taken as very direct communication/the most efficient way to communicate her point, nothing more.

OliveOilMom
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20 Jun 2015, 9:52 pm

Waterfalls wrote:

Everybody is clueless about something or other at some point. There is nothing wrong with that. THere is a big difference between calling somebody clueless about a topic and clueless in general. THere are tons of things I'm clueless about, and that isn't insulting to say I'm clueless about them. Not at all. I said that people who see everything as bullying should get a clue about it. That only means I think they are clueless about catagorizing it. That's not a terrible thing, you know.

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