single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced?

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oh well, the whole thing was an important learning experience. like i heard in a movie, "a man's gotta know his limitations."

Still married after two decades here. I don't know about statistics. I always tended to find one person and wanted to develop a best friend, and/or life partner. That was my pattern from the beginning, but I had to sort through a lot of people, i.e. failed friendships and failed relationships, to find at last, someone that got along with me O.K., I mean just O.K. When I was young person, I was very immature and did not know what I wanted. I wasted a lot of time. As I got older, I learned what I wanted and was able to narrow my scope.

Mainly I think my husband and I get along because we respect each others spaces and differences, are polite, and are willing to compromise. Half of marriage is just being courteous and considerate, I had to work on that a lot in the beginning and modify my own behavior. He is tons better at social skills than I am, although I'm better off now than as a young person. If I could give one bit of advice, I would just say find someone with some manners. If you lack some manners, their manners might rub off on you. My husband was a good influence on me in the long run. Also, he was pretty geeky and expert in a few skills, just like me, just different skills than mine. I respect people that know something I don't know, it does not put me off or cause me envy or insecurity.

Currently single. I was only diagnosed a few months ago, and I'm in a burnout/depression situation, so right now leaving the house is something to celebrate (and dread). I have absolutely no energy for a relationship.

I definitely do want to get married and have a family, though. I want to experience the love, compatibility, companionship, loyalty, chemistry, etc. that some couples have.

Question: Does anyone have anything to say about the aspie/aspie relationship vs. the aspie/NT relationship? On the one hand, aspies have shared experiences and can relate to one another. On the other hand, there are two communication impaired people in the relationship. I guess being aware of the concern means that you can make adaptations, though. My last boyfriend was very NT, and the advantage to that was that he could navigate social situations and incorporate me into them. Still, it's really only necessary for me to go to family parties. Everyone else I need to meet is capable of going to a quieter venue. I certainly won't meet the love of my life at some random party or crowded bar. Flirting isn't really my thing. Someone once told me it's a combination of eye contact and touching someone's arm or something like that. Right, like I could just look a stranger in the eyes and have my brain not completely shut off. And touching someone I don't know... shudder. (I love that that makes complete sense in this forum!)

Also, coping skills, yeah, not sure I have any of those things, other than to read about a heroine's leading man--one too perfect to actually exist. I don't recommend that as a practical or helpful method unless you have anterograde amnesia.

Probably, what you want to do is try aspie/aspie next time around, because you mention a benefit for that. Having two communication impaired people sounds like a negative, but adaptions can be made just like if one were single. Then it is not such a big deal if you want to stay home at night, and your spouse isn't off doing something on their own with who knows what.

True.
I find I tend to have more communication problems with NTs than other Aspies. NTs are not direct & straightforward enough with me which causes misunderstandings & I'm too direct & straightforward for NTs & they interpret what I said in an offensive way when that was NOT my intent at all. My 2nd & current girlfriend are on the spectrum. I was single & looking for 8 years after me & my 1st girlfriend broke up cuz NT women would not give me half a chance. They saw me as too disabled(not having my sh!t together enough in life) & they were also put off by my ret*d social skills.

Yes, I think it takes a certain type of NT to mesh with an aspie, they've got to be comfortable with giving and receiving direct feedback. No hinting, subtext or double-talk, please! (And definitely no guilt-tripping, gaslighting or other passive-aggressive behaviours!)

Thanks everyone for your stories and comments, please keep them coming.

Current status: Divorces are down to 20% and we've gone up to 36% in a relationship and expect to remain so (is it a summer thing, I wonder?)

ex told me if i was NT or successfully emulative of NT, it woulda worked.

which actually sounds a very AS thing to say (if it was thoughtless)
or else a very incompatible-NT thing (if it was spiteful)

basically i needed to be higher functioning than i was/am. the ADHD was the worst part of it.

impulsive behaviour, that kind of thing?

being flaky [scatterbrained, unreliable despite my best efforts, in fact the harder i try the worse it gets]. also the other person methinks had a touch of Borderline. not a harmonious combo.

Ah, yes. I can imagine an AS-BPD combo might be an emotional rollercoaster.

i aged but i also learned from it.

Not sure if this was already covered but my wife and I are NT and the rate of divorce among NT couples who have autistic kids is higher than the general population.

If anything NT couples have it harder as we have no idea how to handle autism (therefore what to expect) when the meltdowns start (I know I was totally baffled).

An indication of how bad divorce is to check autism newsfeed and see the number of single NT mothers with an autistic child having to cope with little or no help. It's one of the reasons I deliberately call myself "cyberdad" as there's a only a few of us males who do the right thing and not run away when they discover their new baby is going to grow up to be "rainman",

There's a lot of useless cowardly males out there shirking their parental responsiblities.

nobody is totally useless, they can always serve as a bad example. i guess i'm a bad example.

You have a kid?