I do want children, even just one. But there are a few things that are putting me off.
First it's my phobia of vomiting. A lot of women experience morning sickness, and other ailments too, and you have to be careful with what drugs you take to stop it, because various drugs could harm the baby. And it's not only that. When the child starts preschool and mixes with other children, they often pick up bugs like norovirus, and I have a terrible fear and anxiety of norovirus, because of a past traumatic experience I've had with it. I got stressed when I worked at a care home and had to leave my job because of it. I think the 24-hour bug is rather preventable for healthy adults if they wash their hands, but norovirus is an aggressive bug, and I've learnt that no matter how hygienic you are, even if you wear a mask, you still have a high risk of catching it if you are directly around people with it. My mum said that when my brother was 2 he got a norovirus and was throwing up for a whole week, with diarrhoea and all, and both my mum and dad caught it - and even the cat was being sick too! That bug must have been a strong and aggressive Motherf***er, and small children manage to pick these up all the time.
Secondly, me and my brother have an ASD, and the gene that carries ASD is as aggressive as the norovirus, and has a 50-50 chance of being passed down to your children if it is in your family and especially if you have it as a parent. After all the emotional pain and stress I put my mum through growing up with behavioural and emotional issues due to my ASD and ADHD, I don't think I would want to have to go through it all myself. Not only me, but I also don't want my child to have to suffer being different and difficult either. I'd rather have a child with no mental or physical disabilities, where they reach all their milestones normally and go through school without requiring special needs, and is a normal, happy child with lots of friends and going to birthday parties, and being able to bond with me and say "I love you". I know NT children grow into self-righteous teenagers and some can get into drugs, but then children with disabilities can too. Some autistic teens hate social isolation so much that they turn to drugs to either self-harm, cope with their difficulties, or to fit in. As a parent you can't control everything your child does, but if you bring an NT child up well, chances are they may become happy teens and not choose the drug road. But a lot of teens on the spectrum can become angry because of bullying or social rejection or other factors that are beyond your control as a parent, and decide to turn to drugs or some other illegal habit, or even fall into the wrong crowd and be vulnerably led into danger.
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Female