I was molested at an early age by different people, but if I was actually raped, I don't remember it. IWhen I lost my "virginity" concentually, There was no hymen to speak of...I never understood what the hymen could possibly be,..it was only something I had read about...
There was the older brother of the little boy who lived down the street who sorta used me as a guinea pig to coach his younger brother about the female anatomy...I was stripped down in a cardboard box and "examined"...
There was the time that a different teenaged boy pinned me down under this house and tried to rape me, but he didn't penetrate except maybe with his fingers...
I had a family friend attempt to molest me, but I woke up as he was hovering over me, and he had messed with my privates a bit, and i think he was messing with his...and I freaked out and ran into my mom's room and ended up sleeping in the same bed with her for several years....
It it hard to describe the ways in which those experiences messed with me, except that they never went away..
I have not mentioned all that I can recall..
I was also in a "statuatory rape" situation for a few years..I was not mature enough to be involved in a sexual relationship, and did not feel as though I had any rights...so I was sorta frequently bullied or manipulated into sex that was rather pleasureless and purely for his gratification with no regard for mine...My partner was an NT who I dated for several years..and I had a hard time communicating with him, and it never occurred to him that it was a bad situation for me...but I had a whole lot of guilt and hangups and did not know how to get out of it...I convinced myself that it was my "duty" to be in this relationship...