How to get Aspie husband to see he has AS

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My husband knows he's been diagnosed with AS but doesn't seem to grasp what it means, and no matter how many times he agrees with me or his therapist to do x instead of y to make life for his family easier/safer, he doesn't do it because he doesn't see it as a better way. How do I help him, especially when he is endangering us?

My wife gave me a copy of John Elder Robison's autobiography, "Look Me in the Eye". I started reading it and could not put it down. I was astounded how much I could relate to his life experiences. Reading that has helped me to better accept that I have AS and to recognize that the rest of the world doesn't exactly see things the way that I do. That may not help your situation, but it helped my wife's situation (and me).

Thank you!
I have now read the first pages of that book and it doesn't describe my husband's experience. He actually has a very accepting family, maybe because most of them seem to have AS, and had very nice friends growing up and in college. They just thought he was shy. But it is odd that he's very boarstful and very defensive. I can't figure out why he's that way, given that he perceives himself to be well liked.

sg33 & ww - if you need to bicker, take it to PM. This is not the place for it. The OP came looking for advice, and gave very limited information. No one should be making assumptions at this point.


M.

When it was first brought up to me I was in denial because I had never heard of such a thing. I wish my gf would have said "think you should look at it more closely." I did not realize it until I started reading a book about it by chance. I fit 95% of the profile. I think getting him more information on this will help unless there is something else going on with him. Once I new how predictable I react to certain situations I noticed a friend who is like me doing things like I do and it became clear the moments that I must restrain my impulses. So to have him meet someone similar to him might help.

John Elder Robison's autobiography, "Look Me in the Eye" helped me as well but I guess the main thing is that you have to "accept" the diagnosis and want to change. Your post suggests to me that your husband may still be in the denial phase.

You said that your husband doesn't agree with doing things the way his therapist suggests because he feels his way is "better".
You also said that you feel that your husband may be endangering you because of his Aspergers.

Could you elaborate - it's difficult to answer without a few specifics.

(I'll understand if you don't want to).[/quote]


Thank you -- I went back and elaborated in one of my responses to the posts above. I don't mind repeating, but for the sake of other readers, can you read it up there? I'd welcome your thoughts. Thanks again.

In terms of safety, I'd be more worried about him puttting medications into your drinks than the allergens problem unless your child has violent reactions. I'll deal with the medications first because that's the easiest part of the problem.

Firstly, it we assume that his "medicating" issues are accidental, then it follows that we can apply a reminder to prevent them from happening. You should consider putting all of your medications in one box or on one shelf and making a very prominent sign to stick on the box/shelf saying NOT to put any into your drinks. If your husband has to go to the box to get the medication and if he puts one in your drink, then you know that it's not a case of not being reminded, it's not an accident. It's deliberate. If you reach that point, I'd seriously suggest that you seek legal advice.

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If it turns out that your medications modificiation works, then you need to start applying the same sorts of reminders for your child. If the allergen is peanut butter, then label the jar. If it's to do with something else, label it. Sure, it's probably going to be a little embarrassing for a while having a house covered in notes but if it does the trick, your husband will learn the rules by being constantly reminded of them. If he continues to ignore them, then it's obviously not a case of needing a reminder - it's deliberate.

It's not all about negative reinforcement though. If your husband successfully follows through, then you need to be positive with him. Putting signs up everywhere may impact his self confidence and you'll need to be aware of that. Make sure that he knows that it's only until it starts becoming "automatic". It seems to me that your relationship needs a bit of work and that you could probably benefit from some "couple time". If possible, get your child minded and go have a night out to talk and to get things back on an even keel.


Good luck.

Thanks -- I think your idea with allergen protocol reminders may be very helpful. I'll try it. The medication idea won't work because he knows what he is doing; he feels his actions are justified, that he knows what he's doing, depite being told otherwise by doctors. He operates this way -- does what he thinks is right, despite what authorities say.

Yes, he seems like a naive child sometimes, and other times like a 5-year-old who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar but still won't admit it, and at times he acts like a rebellious teenager. He acts less and less like the man I met years ago.