Living separately but staying together

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My hubby and I don't always get along very well. We really like each other when we're not under stress, but when there's outside pressure we get on each other's nervers. Part of it is because I'm an aspie, and I can't always tell when I'm pushing to hard, talking too much etc, the other stuff has to do with different expectations on what living together actually should entail. I need a lot of interaction from the people I live with, because I get so little outside of the home. I also talk a lot about what's on my mind (monologue). He wants to unwind, have some peace and quiet etc, and also needs to do some work from home. To add to it we have to kids, 1 and 4 and live in a two bedroom apartment.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, we've decided to separate. We're not breaking up, but he's gonna get a small one-bed room apartment down the street, we'll separate our economies and make arrangements for the kids to stay with him every other weekend, and whenever we agree it's suitable. My question to you is if you have any experience of an arrangement like this? I feel very coomfortable with the whole idea, because I feel like I can't quite be myself when he's at home, there's too much stuff to take into account and I can't really relax. Seeing each other when we acvtively choose to would give me some breathing space, and it would give him the peace and quiet he needs coming home from work.

But I'm still worried. Do people manage to stay together if they separate geographically? Or will that mean the beginning of the end of our romantic relationship? We haven't really been romantic since before our youngest son was born, but as soon as we'd decided to separate, I felt a lot more inclined to be intimate again (in different senses of the word).

What do you think?

I think it can work if you both decide it can. Personally, I think whatever works,works.The artists Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera had separate connecting house and remained passionately in love with each other.

I'm glad you used Frida Kahlo as an example. She's a favorite of mine. I'm gonna disregard the fact that her husband was a cheater.

Hi I replied to a similuar thread not too long time ago maybe that thread can help you out a bit in your thoughts

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt103822.html

You are the first example I see that you as the female is the aspi and the male is NT - just as us...
but my husband is kinda half aspi as he do have some traits in my opinion...
but you dont say your husband is NT but you dont say he is Aspi either, but never mind

I think its a good idea of yours
I can only imagine that it can be very overwhelming to have two kids and understand your own need for having more space on your own
I just hope that you both didnt had a too rough time before you came to this conclusion...

And I say just as Aimless,that it can work if you both is determined that it can and work for it
That you have the attitude towards it that its for the benefits of your relationship - not disadvantage
Because it can be exactly as you already feel in it - to the better. Because you both wont tear each other out
You get to appreciate your own time but also can looking forward to meet the rest of family in a new way

If you have a weekend off without the children, then you get time on your own
You will also appreciate the children and your husband more when seeing them again
And by the time you might feel you need to move together again but in a way bigger appartment
where its plenty of space for all four of you to have your own private corner..

Tiz my understanding that Frida was not exactly chaste herself...

I think it's a great idea. don't let social standards and NT's opinions influence your decision, if you guys want to stay together you will no matter what, and some people just need the space.

thanks for your replies, I'm gonna check the thread out.

my hubby's NT, but not always terribly sociable. needs space. we have had a rough summer, but mainly because of outside events, like my diagnosis, family drama, deaths in the family and other things.

and yeah, about Frida Kahlo, she was no nun I guess. but nonetheless, his transgressions seemed to have hurt her quite a bit, I think they even split up for a while.

I'm not overly concerned about the NT social standards, we don't really fit into them anyway, but more that we'll somehow drift apart...

Some people do. I'm a fervent advocate for the idea that Aspies are better suited to relationships that do not involve permanently sharing living space with other people. But maybe that's just me. Best relationship I ever had in my life thus far was a four year long 'booty call'.

Whether yours will work best that way is something faceless friends on a net forum can't possibly tell you. But, if it doesn't, at least there won't be any dramatic move-out scene if the two of you do decide to let it go. Good luck!